[Guest_CaptainOblivious_*]

DD1 goes to a local school. She's very bright and doesn't get encouraged or challenged much. She was in a composite last year and then is in a straight yr 1 this year. She went to preschool with all of the kids in her school so has known them for 3 years now.

Last year she didn't really ever settle into any friendships and sort of floated around looking for kids to play with each day, often playing with kids from years 3/4/5. She had no problem making friends at preschool and was always greeted with excitement when she arrived with several kids running towards her and taking her off to play straight away.

Part of the issue is that it's a small school in a very low socio economic area. We're both nerds and she's very interested in a lot of things that her cohort aren't. She also has very different life experiences and out core values and parenting style is pretty different from a lot of the other families too.

There is a group of about 15 girls in her grade and of them, 3 are the queen bee/mean girl type. They all come from homes where they wouldn't be encouraged to stop behaving in that way so it's likely to get worse rather than better.

My concern is that by the time she goes off to highschool her confidence will be shattered. She's gone from loving school and being excited to go, to being nervous every day about which kids will be mean to her and how she will find someone to play with. Yesterday (first day) she thought she'd found someone to play with (that she played with last year a bit) and one of the mean girls came and told this other girl to tell her she wasn't her friend and go away, so the other girl did. DD was heartbroken (and I'm devastated for her).

It's early days in this year so we would give this new group of kids a chance to settle in, but as a hypothetical would you move your child to give them a chance to find a school with a group of kids she fitted in better with.

FWIW, moving schools would mean driving 50km to another school each day or putting her on the bus for quite a long day. The school she would hopefully go to offers piano lessons and a lot of cultural things that our school doesn't, however it has 90 kids in each grade which is a little daunting. Her current school has 180 kids total. I work in the other town 2 days a week and we have discussed moving there, but haven't taken any steps towards the move.

[LynnyP]

Yeah, I would. The school you describe doesn't sound like a good fit for your family.

[JustBeige]

I would too.

If your family is happy to move, you work in the other town and the other school is more suited to your core values, then its silly really to not do it.

Its only going to be positives for everyone, if everyone is on board with the idea.

[icekool]

I definitely would swap school if it is not supporting my child academically. I want a school that would give a safe and encouraging environment for my child to blossom and feed their learning ability.

Have you spoken to any of the teachers for an opinion?

[cinnabubble]

If you can, do it. A six year old shouldn't have to feel afraid and apprehensive about school. I'd be devastated if that was my six year old.

[adnama]

I would consider it yes. I've already discussed similar with DF with our DD. Academically she isn't working to her full potential, last year she made one friend. We are giving it a last chance, but i spoke to her new teacher briefly yesterday and expressed some of my concerns and she seemed to listen, she also has a few friends from kindergarten, daycare and dancing in her class

[niggles]

It sounds like she would flourish in a bigger pond from the way you've described her so the size of the school wouldn't put me off.

And 2 days a week you are driving there anyway so only 3 days on the bus? And I think you live rurally don't you? So I'm assuming that 50km is not in traffic.

I'd definitely consider it.

[kate789]

I think it makes sense to move her to the other school. There may be mean girls there as well but it sounds like a better cultural fit for your family, so she is more likely to find other like minded girls and have more opportunities to grow.

[suziej]

Have you talked to the school about the issues at all? 50km plus a bus is a lot of travel every day, and would definitely result in a very long day.

What is the teacher like in Year 1? What are your volunteering opportunities?

When my daughter first started school we actually drove past a school to get to hers - it meant that there were no local playdates.

When we moved up here, I had a very sad little girl in a new school (midway through the year) and I ended up having a few quiet words with the teacher - not about making anyone be her friend, but she had a few good ideas about keeping an eye during recess and they also did some work on exclusion and inclusion. I was also lucky enough to have the freedom to be able to help in the tuckshop and with reading in the classroom, so I got to know a few of the other children and learned that they weren't all carbon copies of the impressions of their parents I got.

It did take time. Good luck on whatever your decision is.

Edited to add: being able to volunteer also meant that I could show how cool nerdy could be...

This post has been edited by suziej: 31/01/2013, 07:55 AM

[Holidayromp]

Sounds like the school is not the right fit and not ideal at all.

I would be moving schools. There is too much at stake.