[L.A.M]

So I am taking my son on a cruise, which he chose last year (about April we booked) from the choice to go to Queensland ..theme parks etc...or a cruise.


Now we leave tomorrow...fly to Sydney from Melb. He has been going balistic in and out for last two weeks saying he doesn't want to go. Crying, and tantrums, and more crying, saying he isn't going I can't make him....


He is 11, 12 in May. He went on a cruise when he was 4 (only time), and has flown numerous times, but last time would have been almost 4 yrs ago now.
He said he didn't choose this (I clarified numerous times) and I should take someone else. Well I would have swapped for someone else had I known that 2 weeks out he was going to carry on like this, but to late.

All up, flights etc, its cost me $800, and spending money to come.

Do I make him go or cut my lossess and go on my own, which isn't alone as we were going with a group...16 plus us two all up, some kids in there too.

He is a really social kid, so the kids club on the boat he'd love, but he keeps saying he wont like it, I say he will once he is there (explain all the safety aspects of planes, boats etc) and he says I can not guarentee he will..sigh!

WDYT?

Make him go (if I can physically get him to go, kicking and screaming no doubt) or not??

[DonnaNobelHasBee...]

Can you sit him down and ask wat exactly is stressing him about going!

[Funwith3]

Yeah agree with PP...there has to be a reason he's carrying on like this. Get to the core of the problem and sort that out.

I think if I was in your situation I would do my best to make him go. He will almost 100% love it when it's all underway.

[strawberry blond...]

Tough one because im not you nor do i know your parenting style. If it were one of mine i would tell them they were acting like an ungrateful brat and to suck it up.

[LambChop]

"Crying, and tantrums, and more crying, saying he isn't going I can't make him...." Does he suffer from anxiety or anything ?

Just, I wouldn't tolerate this behaviour from my 11 year old with special needs (including anxiety), I'd be shutting it down with a consistent "You are going" and warnings of consequences for poor behaviour (then actual consequences if he persisted).

How dare he ruin your holiday by choosing to behave like this....

[meggs1]

Is he worried about sharing a room with you/others for some reason (puberty?).

Have you showed him the ship on the Internet?

Is there another parent in the group he is close to that could talk to him?

[RealityBites]

Is there an adult in the group going that he is afraid of?

[Harmonica]

I would be getting to the bottom of it, that is very unusual behaviour for a child about to turn 12.

[libbylu]

There must be some underlying reason.....
- fear of being on a boat out to sea
- an uncomfortable recent (since last April?) experience with one of the adults or children in your traveling party - any chance of an abusive adult or bullying child being amongst them that he feels he cant' talk about?
-It sounds pretty odd to me, I would be trying to get to the bottom of it.
Something like 'if you can tell me the real reason why you are worried about going, then we can reassess, but at the moment all I can see is that you are acting like a spoilt brat, and I am not going to waste the ticket so you have to come".

This post has been edited by libbylu: 06/02/2013, 07:45 PM

[L.A.M]

I have sat down with him and listened to his concerns, several times trying to calm him etc.

He says he is affraid to fly, and affraid to go on the boat...that is all he has articulated. Also that he will miss his family, brother, sister and grandma, mainly grandma probably....(there is a reason the other 2 kids aren't coming...long story, but they are going on another holiday so not missing out all up).

He was talking to one of my friends yesterday who is coming with her girls, though her kids are 16+, about the cruise as she knew I was having issues with him re coming.

All that are coming are females, bar one 5yo boy. He has no issues with any of them.


I have shown him the boat, I have shown him stats on flying.


He is a pretty senstive boy in general.

My daughter 13, last year diagnosed with High Functioning Autism has had some super meltdowns and the likes over the last 2 yrs...and sometimes boundaries have been shifted for her...which I have spoken to DS about. He has probably started to take a feather from her cap re this to a degree.

At the end of the day I am stuffed, really need a break, a rest. I would love nothing more than to spend time with my boy, my middle child, who due to my daughters issues over last 2 yrs especially, has kind of gone without a whole lot of attention...not nil, but she has been my focuses, the need for numerous medical appoinments, assessments....time consuming as a single, FT working mum to 3.

This post has been edited by L.A.M: 06/02/2013, 07:54 PM