[TiredbutHappy]

Background: Whole family has been sick except DS (8 months), including my mum who usually looks after DS when I'm at work. I've been off for 2 days and need to go back to work. DH rings his mum to tell her the whole family is sick and to ask her to come down and help look after DS for a day, but after telling her the story she doesn't automatically ask if we need help, instead, launchiing into minute detail about a party she went to on the weekend. DH hangs up in a huff and doesn't bother asking her as "she should have offered if she really cared". I think he should have just come out and asked as she is very much a "it's all about me" person and probably didn't think of it. (Recent example is leaving FIL at the hospital to wait for biopsy results on his own - she went home to watch Deal or No Deal because she didn't think he needed her there once the testing was completed (actually turned out to be cancer). Mind you I'm not her greatest fan, but I don't think she should be expected to be a mind reader.

As a result, DH has been a grump all day about his "useless mother". So, who's right? Should MIL have volunteered or should DH have just come straight out and asked her? She lives 1 hr away and had no plans for the day if that makes a difference.

[cinnabubble]

Only an hour, usual available and happy to help out and people need to go to work? Yep. I think her should have asked, although I know how sh*tty it is to have to ask for help from people we don't feel respect for.

[lynnemine]

Maybe she didn't volunteer because she didn't want to get sick too.

FWIW - I think if she is self-absorbed, then yes, he should have asked, not hinted round it. Maybe she changed the subject so he couldn't.

[Bluenomi]

I think he should have asked. A lot of people don't pick up on the gentle suggestion (and your MIL sounds like that type) so need to actually be asked since they won't think to ask themselves.

[Bluie]

I think he should have asked if that's what he wanted to happen. However not be offended if she said no, I have never expected my parents to put themselves in the firing line when we are sick and if her husband has cancer the last thing they need is to get sick.

[boatiebabe]

I'm another one who thinks the MIL did not want to get sick and as a result did not offer.

I agree that your DH should have come straight out and asked her?

Maybe she isn't confident in looking after an 8 month old? Who knows why she didn't offer?

[TiredbutHappy]

I think he should have asked if that's what he wanted to happen. However not be offended if she said no, I have never expected my parents to put themselves in the firing line when we are sick and if her husband has cancer the last thing they need is to get sick.

Oh, no, I never would have asked if she was still nursing FIL - he's passed away

[Sofia*]

You can't expect people to be mindreaders- it would be nice if they immediately worked out how they can help, but if they aren't the kind of person who will do that, then being direct and asking is the best way to get what you want.

If she can't do it, she always has the option to say no.

I think it's a bit childish of your DH to complain that she doesn't help you out if he didn't ask her.

[Bluie]

I am sorry, I didn't realise

[Sunnycat]

I think he should have asked her out right. If she is so self absorbed she's not likely to pick up that you needed help. Your DH should have been direct.