[pratique]

I received a text a week ago from a friend inviting me and others out to dinner for her birthday.

There were 6 of us in attendance, I didn't know anyone else.

Now in my friendship group usually this means we pay our own way and don't do presents. The fact that the meal has been paid for is usually the present. Mostly we all pay a bit extra and cover the birthday girl.

When I got there everyone but me had a gift. A nice big one! It was quite obvious I was the only one that didn't have anything. I felt royally cheap when she opened them all in front of us.

So EB what is the expectation? Would you expect a gift at a casual dinner where people pay their own way anyway? Or do you only do gifts at a proper catered event?

(can we exclude close friends and family here as I always purchase them gifts anyway)

[Quirk]

I'm not sure how enjoying a nice meal out could be seen as a birthday gift, aren't you the only person that benefits from that?

[Old Grey Mare]

I'm not sure how enjoying a nice meal out could be seen as a birthday gift, aren't you the only person that benefits from that?

The guests paid for the birthday girls' dinner I believe. If the group usually don't do gifts I don't think you have been rude at all.

[Ifonlyyouknew...]

I would still buy a gift regardless of having to pay for my own meal. Otherwise, how is it different from any other time you go out for dinner? I go out to dinner with my friends regularly so this would be no different going for their birthday if we didnt get them a gift....

If you all chipped in for the birthday girls dinner then that is nice, but there are still 6 of you, so I wouldn't imagine it would cost all that much anyway, which is why I would still buy a gift, especially if they are a close friend...

This post has been edited by Ifonlyyouknew...: 17/02/2013, 02:46 PM

[HezzaB]

I would have made the same 'mistake' OP

If we go out for dinner/drinks I will buy the birthday girl/guy a drink or two. I don't expect gifts from my friends these days (although one or two sweet ones still do it)

[Bek+3]

PP, I would have thought the same as you. In my circle grown ups don't receive or expect gifts. Going out as a group is the norm.

[Giltine]

I never expect gifts from anyone, but I usually give them. Even if it's something small, or even a card.

I've had a few birthday dinners, and never received anything, whether the meal is paid for or not. I've also been the only one to bring a gift a few times.

I wouldn't have a clue what the "done" thing is.

[pratique]

I'm not sure how enjoying a nice meal out could be seen as a birthday gift, aren't you the only person that benefits from that?

Yes but usually we pay for the birthday persons meal. To be honest at my age I don't really expect a present, I'm just happy to have a catch up with friends.

[envs]

For me, and the way I was brought up, you treat invitations out as if you were inviting people to your home;

If you are doing the inviting for your own occasion, you pay for everyone...usually people bring gifts if it's your birthday. If it's a group of friends getting together for your birthday and you don't do the inviting/initiation, everyone pays for themselves, and they also usually bring a gift, as well as have the meal paid for.

Otherwise, as some pp'er said, it's not really a celebration if the birthday person doesn't get a gift...that's just going out for dinner.

Btw we don't ever actually expect presents, but I'm coming from the perspective that I socialize a lot with extended family rather than non-relatives

This post has been edited by envs: 17/02/2013, 02:56 PM

[BrookeAry]

I usually go flowers if I'm not sure! I would never expect gift from friends at a b'day dinner.