[Bwok~Bwok]

When your parent/s get to an older age or need looking after, are you and your siblings going to take responsibility for them? If so, do you expect financial/care help from other family members e.g. Aunt’s, Uncles, Cousin’s etc

Something came up yesterday that has thrown me a little bit.

This post has been edited by Bwok~Bwok: 18/02/2013, 12:39 PM

[tenar]

I think the safest approach is not to expect anything at all.

I know that I personally would care for my elderly parents and pay for their needs if so. I would not expect my siblings to contribute but would be happy if they did.

I certainly would not expect more distant relatives (cousins etc) to contribute to their care.

[dolcengabbana]

My Parents have made there requests on this subject clear to us all. They are happy to stay home together until they can't and are happy to go to a nursing home/facility low or high care whatever is required at that stage.

They have savings to cover this. However my siblings and I would cover any shortfall if it were required. No assistance outside of immediate family would be expected or asked for.

We do joke though that one of my siblings has to have them as a running joke even Ma and Pa tease them senselessly over it.

[Sofia*]

I'm at that stage now - my mum passed away about 18 months ago and my dad is living on his own and although he's still managing, he's only going to get more frail.

My sister is not really involved, so I think the burden is going to fall on me to co-ordinate things.

Luckily my dad should be in a position to pay for the things he needs (I'm hoping) If he wasn't, I would see it as a responsibility for my sister and I to share.
I can't see any circumstance where the extended family (his one remaining brother and a number of nieces and nephews) should be expected to support him financially.
I'd certainly appreciate it if they keep in touch and visit occasionally, but that's all.

[frizzle]

There are four of us, me 38 up to sister who is 47. We all keep an eye out for our folks. My dad was left very ill and with a disability last year after a motor vehicle accident and we all rallied, his sisters all took turn sitting with him in hospital. I don't think his brothers did as much. We certainly did not expect financial support from them, but they are good with moral support.

This post has been edited by frizzle: 18/02/2013, 12:53 PM

[AllegraM]

Yes. My parents are financially independent though so it won' t be a financial strain. However, all care will be my responsibility ( with DH's help) as my one sibling us barely able to look after himself. I live locally to my patents as well.

With DH'S parents ( who are already in their 70's) , the burden if care will most likely fall onto his sisters, simply because they live locally to his parents and are single without children. DH will do what he can but will have at least two young children and lives 2000 km away hen it comes to a head.

It always strikes me as unfair that care of elderly parents usually falls on the daughter/s.

[BronR]

If we found ourselves in the situation of having an elderly parent come live with us i would expect them to contribute financially to the household and be responsible financially for their own affairs, health care etc. Currently my parents are fully self funded retirees. If they didn't have enough money to pay their own way so to speak I would expect my siblings to pay equal amounts to their care.

I wouldn't expect any financial help at all from anyone except from other siblings (ie the elderly persons children).

[Old Grey Mare]

This subject has been at the back of my mind for a while now as my parents, both in their eighties, are starting to wear out. I have an older brother and a younger sister, both of whom have careers and live in units with no spare accomodation. We have four bedrooms and two teenagers who will possibly be moving out within the next few years. In addition to this my husband has terminal lung cancer with a probability he will only be with us for 12-18 months at best. Should it become necessary my parent/s will come to live with me and any expenses should be more than covered by the sale of their house. If necessary my brother and sister are more than willing to act as respite cares and financial contributors.

[quangle~wangle~q...]

I don't think it is usual to expect support from anyone other than the children. Aunts, Uncles etc all have their own immediate family to care for.

Of course it becomes complicated if one sibling is closer or considered by the others to be in a better position to care for the parents (either physically or financially) but that would just be an individual situation for each family and I would imagine that once your parents are reaching that age, that there would be no surprises, ie. the sibling who has always been generous with time and money will continue to be, the one that only thinks of themselves will continue to be that way too.

[Carmen02]

thats what Im afraid of my parents getting old and frail!! They arent in a good money situation, my mum has just put her mum in a nursing home and is having trouble dealing with work and helping settle her mum in and to be honest i dont want anything to do with my brothers so wont be discussing anything with them!