[luke's mummu]

DS (7 years) has been friends with 2 boys since preschool(about 4 years old). Actually, he has been good friends with 1 (child 1) and a littlebit friendly with the other (child 2). Problem is child 1 and 2 go to school together,in the same class this year and live close together, and their parents socialisetogether. My son goes to a different school and we live a few suburbs away. For the past 2 years they have all played soccer together and gotalong reasonably well.

Over the past 6 months, I have noticed child 2 is becoming alot more jealous of my son, trying to drag child 1 away from him. My son hasstarted to retaliate, and says things like “Child 2 doesn’t like me, he justwants to steal child 1 away”. The other child is bordering on bulling at times.I don’t think the parents have noticed at all. They are in the same soccer teamthis year and I am watching like a hawk, but there’s only so much I can do, I can’toverhear every conversation between child 1 and 2.

Now the other 2 are going to start cubs. My son has alwaysbeen keen to start cubs. But I’m aware it would mean less supervision by me(i.e. they usually don’t have parents present at their meetings) and thereforemore opportunity for child 2 to exclude my son from the friendship group. Partof me wants to just take my child away from the whole situation,(i.e. cubs, soccereverything) and only invite Child 1 over for playdates, so they can have some1-on-1 time, without child 2 trying to separate them. And part of me says mychild needs to learn to deal with these situations. (He doesn’t have great socialskills, and only 2 good friends).

What should I do? Am I missing anything?

Thanks, Lisa


This post has been edited by luke's mummu: 18/02/2013, 09:34 PM

[Bomber girl]

Cubs might be a good way for him to make other friends

[her mum]

Perhaps he could go to cubs in your suburb, and perhaps make some new friends?

Either way, I can't really see the harm in inviting just the 1 kid that he's actually friendly with for a playdate; it might actually help things.

[AvadaKedavra]

You eavesdrop on children's conversations?

Let the kids sort it out. Child 2 is ALLOWED to only want to play with child 1. Child 1 is ALLOWED to like child 2 more.

And back off. Stop eavesdropping on the kids, or watching them like a hawk. It's kind of weird and creepy.

[The Old Bag]

I also have a 7yo boy. I'd be encouraging a wider circle of friends. If I was friends with the parents, I'd also be dropping into a conversation that DS has felt excluded lately. They may not have noticed.

[luke's mummu]

You eavesdrop on children's conversations?

Let the kids sort it out. Child 2 is ALLOWED to only want to play with child 1. Child 1 is ALLOWED to like child 2 more.

And back off. Stop eavesdropping on the kids, or watching them like a hawk. It's kind of weird and creepy.

???? I beg your pardon? Weird and creepy to watch and listen when I think my child is being bullied????? How rude!!!

[saxa]

I don't think putting all the blame on child 2 is fair.

If DS wants to be friends with child 1 then organise 1 on 1 play dates for them.

I would also be trying to encourage new friendships.

You say he goes to a different school than the other 2, does he not have any friends at his own school?

[loubee]

You eavesdrop on children's conversations?

Let the kids sort it out. Child 2 is ALLOWED to only want to play with child 1. Child 1 is ALLOWED to like child 2 more.

And back off. Stop eavesdropping on the kids, or watching them like a hawk. It's kind of weird and creepy.

Sorry but I have to agree. You can't make other kids like your kids better. Friendships change all the time and trying to orchestrate a false friendship will backfire. Let them sort it out.

???? I beg your pardon? Weird and creepy to watch and listen when I think my child is being bullied????? How rude!!!

If child 2 doesn't want to play your son it's not bullying, if he is manipulating child 1 to play only with him they need to sort it out. If he is bullying then you should teach your child to try and deal with the situation but as hard as it is listening in to try and catch him out is not helping your child.

[Susiebelle]

I'd be taking the emphasis off this group of 3, by just letting things take their course there, while at the same time encouraging friendships at your son's school. Could he also get to know other boys at soccer? You could perhaps encourage having a few other kids from either his class or soccer over? I like the idea of cubs in his own suburb. Perhaps you could have a chat to his teacher if you feel he's not making friends in his class?

[AvadaKedavra]

???? I beg your pardon? Weird and creepy to watch and listen when I think my child is being bullied????? How rude!!!

Yes. Weird and creepy.

Not wanting to play with your child is not bullying. Convincing another child to play with him instead is not bullying. It's not the job of other parents to make their kid play with your kid. Not at age 7.

You say the two other kids live close together, go to school together, their parents socialize together etc. it sounds like they are better friends. Deal with it. Either start socializing with the parents too, or encourage your child to find new friends.

You cannot force a friendship that has perhaps run it's course. And trying to listen in on kids conversations to try and find out if they want to play with your child or not is way out of line, likely to be a source of embarrassment to your son, and likely to become a reason those children (and parents!) don't want to play with him.

I don't mean to be rude but I do mean to be blunt. Your behaviour is OTT. Leave the kid and his friends alone, unless there is actual bulkying going on (which from your description, there isn't). No one likes to be the less liked one, but that's not bullying.

If your son wants to play with these boys, let him. If he wants to join cubs with them, let him. If he doesn't do something else. At 7, he's old enough to participate in that decision. Try asking him, not EB.