[Bobbypoppa]

I was lightly chatting today about our respective children with one of the women I work with and she told me that she uses this parenting technique.

Granted my children are now young adults and I have never heard of this before. Does this mean you love your children unconditionally, (because I do). Or is it a new parenting approach? I didn't ask her for in-depth details because I felt like a real twit not knowing what she meant and just smiled and nodded with her? So please EB, what is it? I don't have time to Google.

[becstar101]

No idea.

No time to google but enough time to write that whole post?

[lifehacker]

[quote name='becstar101' date='21/02/2013, 05:43 PM' post='15346598

No time to google but enough time to write that whole post?
[/quote]



No idea either. Is it like unschooling, attachment parenting - I swear there didn't used to be all these names for parents, you just looked after your kids!

arrgh feeling like an old fuddy duddy now

[Mummy2907]

I have time to Google

http://rainbowrecognizer.hubpages.com/hub/...ional-Parenting

[mmuc83]

http://www.alfiekohn.org/up/index.html might be a starting point..

i've never heard of it either ...

[michellew68]

Don't be Rigid - Wave the rules. Be flexible. Respond differently to different children and situations, understanding the context. Predictability is good, but don't make a fetish of it. United front is dishonest - more useful for kids to see we disagree and can talk it out.



This from the link seems to be the opposite from what most experts teach. I would think you would end up with confused and unruly children.

[Orangedrops]

It is about parenting your children with respect essentially, not having adult expectations for them but at the same time not treating them arbitrarily just because they don't have adult abilities. Alfie Kohn is the guy who came up with it, he is an incredible thinker from my perspective.

It's hard to explain in a snap shot or to give specific examples but for instance we don't punish at all, we don't take things away, or do time out nor do we tell our children they are naughty or bad, we talk about behaviours, how they effect others and why it is important to care about others, be responsible etc.

My children aren't perfect but they are pretty well behaved, most importantly to me they are secure in our love for them and they love and care for us and each other. Their character is more important than their behaviour anyway. They are taught empathy by example rather than being forced into rigid acceptable behaviours. My husband and I try to examine why we want our kids to do particular things if they don't want to and be flexible when we can. Children are people too.

This post has been edited by Orangedrops: 21/02/2013, 05:04 PM

[~Supernova~]

Nvm, I'm not up for an argument atm lol.



This post has been edited by Mareek: 21/02/2013, 05:07 PM

[MakeLoveNotBacon]

Briefly, not trying to manipulate your children in to behaving a certain way with punishments and rewards. Accepting and respecting they are an individual. Trusting they will do the 'right' thing without punishments or rewards. Listening, validating, accepting, guidance, blah blah. Basically you have to have a lot of patience!

[cad0]

Ooooh I'm relating to a lot of this and didn't even know there was a name for what I was doing!

we tell our children they are naughty or bad, we talk about behaviours, how they effect others and why it is important to care about others, be responsible etc.

I think it works so well for us because they're afraid otherwise we'll start spouting this stuff at them yet again