[WaitForIt]

DD started childcare a couple of months ago and she's had her problems settling in but from what I see and what I'm told she is happy there.

However there is this little boy who is upset whenever I drop DD off. He is crying or has tear stained cheeks, comes running up to me and holds out his arms for me to pick him up, or just aimlessly wanders around crying. The childcare workers aren't holding him or comforting him. It's been like this for weeks and my heart breaks every time I see him. Then the other day I noticed no crying. I look around for him and he is sitting in a corner, back to the room, sucking on a comforter and staring and the floor. For some reason I found this worse than the crying...

I haven't said anything because I feel like I'd be interfering and for all I know he is like this for a bit after drop off and is fine for the rest of the day. But it just pains me to think this could be my DD, as well as concern for him. How do I know if they are being truthful when they say DD has been fine, and do they comfort her when she gets upset. On times I know she has been upset, for example one time she wouldn't sleep, I phoned them up for an update and they went through in detail of everything they did until she finally slept and there was lots of comforting. However I just can't get this little boy out of my head.

I don't know what I'm asking here, I guess this is a cry for reassurance or a way to say something without sounding interfering.

This post has been edited by WaitForIt: 22/02/2013, 09:28 PM

[Jemstar]

What's the child like when you collect your DD (if he's still there)?

Most kids are fine at daycare, some find it really tough. Unfortunately this little boy sounds like the latter, maybe he's not been there long etc.

[belnryan]

I am a day care educator.

I have one particular child who will cry and become hysterical at drop off, i comfort her and she gets much worse, it took me a few days to realise she settles much better if i just leave her for a few minutes.
Some children do not like to be comforted.

[greenthumbs]

I'd just ask about the boy OP. They can always say 'none of your business'.

It does sound horribly heartbreaking though

[Chaos in stereo]

When my daughter started CC I was there quite a bit, helping her to settle in so I saw the carers in action. There was one particular little girl, under 1yo, who was having real dramas settling in. She was always held by someone if it was possible. If she was having a real shocker and just not able to stop crying for hours they called her mum to come and get her. They did this once to me as well when my daughter just couldn't deal with it. I found it very reassuring. She learned to trust the carers and settled in well after a bumpy start.

These women are lovely and caring and they know about my child and I never see upset children who are not being consoled or attended to in some way. I think this is what you should expect.

[libbylu]

Do you drop your DD off at exactly the same time each day? Perhaps this boy's drop off time is just a few minutes before yours and he is still upset from drop off.
An easy way to see how quickly he or your own DD settles is to go sit in your car for 2, 5 or 10 minutes and then go back in a sneak a peak through the window. I used to do this all the time to reassure myself that my DS (who invariably howled and sobbed when I left him) was happy playing with other kids after a very short time. He always was. And never wanted to leave at the end of the day!

[WaitForIt]

DH does the pick up, I've brought up this boy before to him but just now I asked and before I finished he knew who I was talking about. Apparently he is sometimes upset and sometimes likes to come over and have a 'chat' to DH. DH said whenever he has seen DD upset, she was held and comforted. However the windows do face the car park.

[Lil Chickens]

Do you drop your DD off at exactly the same time each day? Perhaps this boy's drop off time is just a few minutes before yours and he is still upset from drop off.
An easy way to see how quickly he or your own DD settles is to go sit in your car for 2, 5 or 10 minutes and then go back in a sneak a peak through the window. I used to do this all the time to reassure myself that my DS (who invariably howled and sobbed when I left him) was happy playing with other kids after a very short time. He always was. And never wanted to leave at the end of the day!

I agree with this. DD has never been to daycare and started kinder this year. First day there were tears and they called me and said she was fine.

Second day I left my mobile at home and wasn't going home so they couldn't call. I couldn't just drive off knowing they couldn't contact me if she didn't calm down. I waited a few minutes and looked through the window and she was happily playing with playdoh.

I also have a friend who asked another mum she knew at daycare what her DD was like when said friend got inside to drop her DS off. the friend said she was playing. This eased my friends mind that the carer's weren't just telling her that her DD was fine.

Maybe you could try that.

[SCARFACE CLAW]

There's a little boy at DS's daycare who is upset when I drop DS off, and the carers didn't seem too concerned. It turns out it's when his favourite carer takes her break and he cries and won't be consoled by anyone else until she comes back

[laladidah]

There are two little boys like this at dd's childcare centre.

However the staff have explained it to me over time and it's basically that they cry at drop offs (just like most other kids) but they get very teary around 3pm when lots of kids start to get picked up, they get upset because they think it's their mum coming to pick them up.

One of the little boys is in my mother's group. He is a very loved happy child, except for these times. His mum agrees that the best way to deal with it is a quick cuddle and distraction, but after that, to just leave him be. She said if one of the staff try to sit with him until he stops, he just never does and wants to be held for hours (hes 2.5).

I know I trust my daycare staff, and whenever dd is upset they do comfort her, because they know that's what she needs and she will calm down quickly. I would just trust that the centre knows what works best for each individual child, because in the end it's not really my business to be asking them why they are/aren't comforting a child.

For example, this week a child was hysterical two days in a row when I went to pick dd up, and I was quite shocked and wondered why they let him be. I later found out his parents took away his dummy this week, and if the carers try to hold him he hits and bites them so there's always two sides to each situation.