[*concerned*]

It my birthday next Saturday and my DD got an invitation to her best friends birthday (who goes to a different school and lives about 20 minutes away) for the Sunday but it's her weekend to go to her Dad's. She asked what was happening that weekend. Hubby hadn't mentioned anything, but I told her shell be with us as I would organise a weekend swap.
She was happy with that...

Today I spoke to Hubby about needing to swap weekend with Ex. He asked what date was for the kids party and i told him the 3rd. And then he blurts out "so what day is your birthday?"

My heart fell through the floor. All hopes of secret carefully laid plans, the possibility of a small hidden stash of money having been put away (things are tight financially), a breakfast in bed, a special cake... anything. Gone. He didn't even know what day it was. He hadn't thought about the fact our DD year old was meant to be with her Dad that weekend. Nothing.

Admittedly, he was still awake at 12noon after doing an 11pm to 7am night shift. Our lives are hectic with two kids, him working shift work with no pattern or predictability in his job, financial strain, a $1600 repair bill for our work car (which we didn't know was that high at the time of conversation, thought it was $400), after school activities for kids, and running our own business. He has been doing a string of afternoon shifts so home around 11.30pm, but we don't make it to bed before 1am at the earliest. So things are challenging, but that's just our life...

Anyway, I got upset. I feel insignificant,, unimportant and very hurt. I didn't scream and yell. I did a bit later, when trying to explain why I was upset, trying to express my pain.

All he could say was that he has/we have been so busy. That he wanted to go away with the kids but we can't afford it. Then the car bill came so all chances of even a night away went poof. Then he tried to say for me not to get upset, it wasn't intentional.

I know he loves me. He works incredibly hard to support the family. I have no complaints or issues with him and housework or the business or kids. He is very loving and (normally) attentive. We talk for hours so no communication issues and have no issues with each other's in-laws.

For me, that makes it worse.

Am I over-reacting? What do you think?

[Soprano-Cat]

I would certainly be upset.

My husband KNOWS he's hopeless. He has freely admitted he goes hunting for my licence or birth certificate around Valentines day so he doesn't forget the date. (14 March). WE've been together 7 years, he still does it each year.

There's still time for him to do something small but meaningful.

[Magnus]

It does sound hurtful, but at least you had this conversation now while there's still enough time left for him/you to plan something nice (even if not expensive).

If you don't think he's the kind that will take the initiative to do something romantic, then maybe just tell him what you want him to do/plam, so you know that something will happen on your birthday. I know it's not your responsibility, but it might make you feel better if you're not worried for the next week about him not making the effort.

[bakesgirls]

I'd be upset too if my DH didn't know when my birthday was. It's not a big thing to ask that he remember, no matter how busy he has been IMO.

I hope he does something nice for you OP, now that he has been reminded.

[Justaduck]

DP only this afternoon forgot mine - one of those "What is your ***** name" things came up on FB & he read mine as a completely wrong date altogether. His excuse "Men are hopeless with dates." My Dad is just as bad, even though we share the same date of the month that we were born.
I do usually mention in the lead up It is my bday in x amount of weeks just in conversation, not even as a reminder to him.
He still has time to do brekky in bed or make a cake for you, I wouldn't give up hope just yet.

[AvadaKedavra]

I think you're over reacting.

Its just a birthday. You should feel special every day because your husband clearly works hard to support your family. Not devastated because the media/movies/marketers/society say birthdays should be a big deal.

If you feel neglected and unimportant, there's probably more going on than him not instantly rememberin what day of the week in two weeks your birthday happens to fall on.

[4kidlets]

some people are just bad at remembering dates - I think you are reading too much into this.

[Sinister Bonnet]

Well it's all very well to say that you are overreacting if the presumption is that you are feeling nurtured overall.

If you are being cared for and nurtured on a daily basis then well ummm cut him some slack? But it's hard to see that you would react that way if you if you felt you were being cared for with what you share.

[Sunnycat]

In the ten years DH and I have been together, he has gotten me 2 birthday presents. One thoughtless, last minute gift, the other a present his mother had chosen.

He makes such a big song and dance about stressing out because its my birthday but then does nothing.

10 years.

I feel your pain. It still hurts me every year and yet each year I'm stupid enough to think maybe this year will be different.

[trishalishous]

Id be sad too