[ABabyPlease]

OK, so I have a wonderful toddler and am approaching my mid-forties and have NO libido!!! My son is fairly easy going and now sleeps all night but I do get tired running around after him all day. I also try to have a nap some afternoons if I'm tired - rather than do housework...

Anyway, I just have no libido. Even if we go to bed early, I can manage it but I still don't get very aroused and it feels like a chore/gift to my partner. I stopped BF late last year and thought things would go back to normal, but alas not.

I love my partner and we have a great relationship - he doesn't hassle me about this. But I feel like part of my identity is missing.

Is it just me? Any tips to getting my "mojo" back??

[sedawson]

Yes, my suggestion is 'taking care of business' on your own, several times a week to jolt things along. With whatever it takes or whatever works for you.

Also, there's nothing wrong with not particularly feeling like sex. Our society tends to view people who aren't constantly rooting as being highly deficient, but that's just a social construction. If it's a problem for you, that's a good enough reason to try something new, but if it's just that you feel you ought to be, maybe ease up on yourself.

So there's a couple of ideas for you.

[mibi]

I don't know, but mine has disappeared too. Maybe it's something to do with having a toddler. DD is nearly 2.5yrs. I also have 2 DSs (7.5 and 5.5) and the thought of my husband coming near me is nearing even though my feelings for him haven't changed. I love him dearly. But my mojo is MIA.

[AlmostCeleste]

Hi OP, I have no libido either and haven't for the last few years. I actually feel like one of the other posters in regards to the idea of sex with my partner. I would rather just be left alone. I feel sorry for him but not enough to want to have sex! The Arndt school of thought 'just get on with it and then you'll feel like it' just doesn't work for me; I just want it to be over. Oh yes, I'm a catch

You could be entering the menopausal phase of life, even if your period is still 'normal'. Perimenopause can start years before you lose your period and plays havoc with your hormones. At 47, I rarely have a period now, but always before the magic 12 months is up, so i am still perceived to be perimenopausal.
Maybe you could have some blood tests to see where you are with all this. You could try what sedawson suggested, doesn't work for me, but might for you; everyone is different.

Don't be hard on yourself either because having a toddler is very hands-on and mentally tiring. You may find that when your child is a bit older and starts school that you feel less harried, and that might help.

[Beancat]

Hi OP, Any chance you are taking any medication that may be having an impact. I was on lexapro last year and not onlly did I have zero libido, I couldnt orgasm either.

suggest what a PP has said "take care of business" on your own for a bit andsee if this works

[CharliMarley]

Don't be too hard on yourself as I think it happens as we get older. Many medications play havoc with sex drive also and I don't think Tina Arndt can fix that.

[greenthumbs]

Has your period returned post BF?

I found the same as pp, couldn't orgasm and couldn't stand the idea of sex whilst I was on antidepressants. I finally got to a place that I could wean off them, able to orgasm, but no libido still.

Wasn't until my period came back at 16mths postpartum that my mojo is slowly returning, and it's still only half way there a few months later.

Suggestions of 'sorting yourself out' regularly is a great idea too. Might get things happening.

Good luck! Best to see your GP too

[ABabyPlease]

Thanks for sharing your stories too. I am still only 43, so don't think I'm going through menopause just yet and my toddler is only 18 months, so a long way to go until school.

I will try to take sedawson's advice - this kept me going when I was single!!! But I'm not very motivated that way either right now.

I'm not wanting to regain my "sex kitten" status, but would like to enjoy sex about once a week. We are also trying for another baby but with having sex only once a month - not much chance there....

My DP is great and not pushing the matter or even asking much - but we would both like to be sharing some more sexual fun. We do try to prioritise special nights but something comes up -like baby being up late, too hot, dinner too filling... always an excuse from me!!!

[ABabyPlease]

Thanks Grenthumbs - not on any mediaction & have seen GP. Have had about 5 periods now.

Fingers crossed things will pick up.

[AlmostCeleste]

'27/02/2013, 01:38 PM' post='15359922']
"Thanks for sharing your stories too. I am still only 43, so don't think I'm going through menopause just yet and my toddler is only 18 months, so a long way to go until school."

I wasn't suggesting you are going through actual menopause (although my sister did at 42), more that peri-menopause may have started. It can start for some women in their 30's and can go on for years before actual menopause (cessation of periods) occurs. In the meantime, your hormones go a bit haywire, which completely affects how you feel. I was 43 when I had blood tests showing hormone levels were acting up. I was not, and still am not, in actual menopause.

Good luck!

This post has been edited by AlmostCeleste: 05/03/2013, 09:55 AM