[kadoodle]

Please, please help. My almost 11yo doesn't like brushing her hair. She fights and carries on like a toddler when I try to do it too. I have to wrangle her and fight every inch of the way to brush the tangles and nits out of it. I go through a huge amount of conditioner and detangler, try different types of brush and comb, have the hairdresser talk to her and still to no avail.

It's a huge mess of ratstails and knots today. She's flicked the brush at the fringe and hauled it back into a ponytail. It looks dreadful.

I want to cut it short, but she wants it long. Last time we went to the hairdresser, they found a headlouse and refused to cut it. I'm tempted to cut it myself, but that would probably end up injuring both of us as she struggled.

WTF do I do? She won't listen to reason. She is stubborn and as far as she's concerned, it's her hair and if she wants to leave it, it stays left.

[countrymel]

She is 11 she is plenty old enough to understand that if you don't maintain your hair to the point that it becomes louse ridden than you can't have long hair.

Full stop.

It is 'her hair - her choice' but 'her choice' in this circumstance is to maintain it or cut it. Still a choice.

I am over 40, my hair is really curly and fuzzy and it HURTS to comb (I can't actually brush it, have to use an afro comb when it is dripping wet).

The one occasion I caught headlice (in a far off distant land) I knew I had one shot at poisoning them or the alternative was to shave my head - a louse comb could not work, it is uncombable.

Luckily for me they were 3rd World lice, not yet immune to modern louse poison.

[Schnitzelvonkrum...]

I'll preface this by saying that our hair dramas are with younger children, but I *think* my method of dealing with it would be the same with an 11yo...

In our house, when there are serious differences in opinion like this, we sit down and talk out the alternatives. We work out which ones are unacceptable and why, and work out a plan from ther. Sure, the hair on her head is part of her body, but with choice comes responsibility. If she can't keep herself clean and hygienic to a standard that is acceptable to other people, she can't mix with other people. School won't have her, no extra curricular activities, no time with friends... I doubt it would take long for the embarrassment of being a social outcast to make her change her ways and either agree to look after her hair better, or have it cut.

Is it particularly unruly hair - curly, frizzy, thick?
Could you consider a regime of leave in conditioner overnight followed by a rinse off in the morning?

ETA, is this something you could get the school on board with if she keeps resisting? ie, ask them to discuss head lice removal with her and give her the choice of having it done by a school nurse or at home - hopefully she will be so mortified that she'll opt to fix the problem.

This post has been edited by Schnitzelvonkrumb: 24/02/2013, 09:01 AM

[AfroCircus]

I'd take the complete opposite to CountryMel - she's 11. It's her hair. Leave it.

I'd explain that if unbrushed for too long she will end up with dread locks which will have to cut out when she is done with them. And that headlice will get worse and she will be very itchy and uncomfortable if they get too bad, and people will notice her scratching eventually and know she has nits.
And that you're happy to help her out with her hair whenever she asks, but it's up to her from now. NO nagging, no insisting, no threats about haircuts.
It's her hair, let her be responsible for it.

[YodaTheWrinkledO...]

her choice is to either take care of it properly or have it cut short so that she doesn't have to brush/comb it. If she refuses to take care of it at the age of 11, I'd be taking her to the hairdresser and telling them to chop it all off.

And I had hideously long hair until I was about 17. It took effort to take care of it. If I wanted it to be that long, I had to take care of it or my dad was taking me to the hairdresser. I always knew my options. More than Mum, Dad would not stand for feral hair.

Sorry, your daughter is old enough to understand what's expected and is also old enough to be able to do this herself. If she's not prepared to do this, then she has made the choice to have her hair cut into a style which requires little or no maintenance.

Start showing her some short funky hair styles and take the pics to the hairdressers when you go.

This post has been edited by YodaTheWrinkledOne: 24/02/2013, 09:04 AM

[yellowtulips74]

What I'd do...

I'd explain that it's an issue of hygiene and grooming, and if she wants long hair that's fine but she needs to show me she can look after long hair properly.

Give her 3 weeks to prove to you that she is able to look after long hair. Give her very specific non-negotiable instructions regarding the care of her hair.

If she doesn't meet the challenge, off to the hairdresser. If she refuses to go, hack off her ponytail yourself and it will look so terrible she'll want to go!!!

[YodaTheWrinkledO...]

I'd take the complete opposite to CountryMel - she's 11. It's her hair. Leave it.

I'd explain that if unbrushed for too long she will end up with dread locks which will have to cut out when she is done with them. And that headlice will get worse and she will be very itchy and uncomfortable if they get too bad, and people will notice her scratching eventually and know she has nits.
And that you're happy to help her out with her hair whenever she asks, but it's up to her from now. NO nagging, no insisting, no threats about haircuts.
It's her hair, let her be responsible for it.

sorry, but in a family/house with other people, I don't think the rest of the family should have to worry about catching lice from their sister/daughter because she can't be a*sed to take care of her hair. It's not just about her and her choice to do whatever she damn well pleases - if her low hygiene means that other people might catch something from her, then she can get off her butt and start keeping her hair clean and managed.

Seriously, it's not that hard.

[.Jerry.]

Have you tried a Tangleteezer brush?

I bought one for my curly haired daughter and they absolutely make hair brushing so much easier. Hard to tell why, but they work.
We got the cute flowerpot one.

http://www.tangle-teezer.com.au/

[Pearson]

She is 11, not an adult. She wants to do that when she is an adult, so be it, but until then, your house, your rules. Set them. Regular haircuts, regular lice treatment, and regular brushing.

[Sunny003]

sorry, but in a family/house with other people, I don't think the rest of the family should have to worry about catching lice from their sister/daughter because she can't be a*sed to take care of her hair. It's not just about her and her choice to do whatever she damn well pleases - if her low hygiene means that other people might catch something from her, then she can get off her butt and start keeping her hair clean and managed.

Or the amount of kids at school/after school activities she'll infect.

I'd be saying you keep your hair clean/hygienic & respectable, or it gets chopped very, very short. Even if I had to chop her ponytail off when she was asleep/not looking and then she'll need to go to hairdresser to have it fixed lol