[paula1]

I've been with my partner for over 2 years now.
I have two kids aged 6 and 8 and there still is no real bond/connection between them and my partner.
They seem to like him and enjoy having him around but they don't really see him very often.
He says he likes them but it seems like a strained effort when he interacts with them or maybe like he doesnt know how to interact ...although he has a daughter. He's of course pleasant to them etc. but it's obvious to me that there is no sincere interest.

I'm not planning on living with him as its totally impractical as his child goes to another school and we're in different areas. This would only happen when our kids are older if it were to happen.

If we are not going to live together would this be something that would concern you? I sometimes expect more as I'd like my boys to have a positive relationship with my partner regardless of whether we live together or not.

Wdyt?

This post has been edited by paula1: 26/02/2013, 09:06 PM

[paula1]

Also I didn't introduce him to my sons for about 4 months so it wasn't until then that I noticed this.

[amaza]

My partner and I have been together 2 years and don't live together. We do intend to very soon though.

However, he is brilliant with my children. If he wasn't I wouldn't be with him. My DS1 and he had a bit of a strained/forced relationship to start with and it was difficult to see. He wasn't unkind to DS1 but it was obvious that he was much more relaxed around DS2 and DS2 was much more comfortable with him from the very beginning. I wondered if they would ever really get where they are without the forced kindness and knew that I would end the relationship if they couldn't. It was too hard to watch them interact in that way. Luckily a chat to DS1 made him relax a bit around DP and their relationship has grown in leaps and bounds. DP is still probably closer to DS2 but DS1 and DP are quite relaxed now and the friendliness between them is natural. Love has blossomed between DP and DS1 and 2 and it's lovely that they have another male figure in their lives to look up to and rely on.

Your DP may not feel comfortable because he isn't around as much? My DP only got more comfortable with my children in the past year because he has been around them and their activities much more. At first I kept him away from the children because I didn't want to cause confusion for the children and didn't want to have DP around constantly without being sure he was who I wanted to build my life with.

You have posted this before haven't you? A few times? You seem hung up on it a bit. My advice is that if you aren't comfortable with the way he is interacting with the children you may need to have a chat to him? Sorry if I have the wrong person but your username and story is familiar.

[ILBB]

I also remember you posting this before, or someone with a near identical story. If it was me it would be an absolute deal breaker for me - if after a few years your partner was not really connecting on any level with my children.

[paula1]

Yes amaza i have mentioned this before.

It's a hard situation because he's actually a great guy, he has many of the qualities that I want in a man but this one missing thing is a big deal.
It's not that he's doing anything wrong by them or me.

[librablonde]

Honestly? If my DP didn't love my kids and wasn't patient, kind and genuinely interested in them then it'd be a deal breaker for me. Instantly.

[paula1]

I just wonder how realistic this is, to find a partner who has an amazing relationship with my children. I've never been in a situation like this.

[MrsSmith247]

The relationship wouldn't necessarily be amazing from the get-go, but you would assume that after 2 years there would be some level of connection past just being pleasant.

If he hasn't made an effort to foster a relationship with your kids thus far, you'd have to wonder if he ever will. Does he want to be a part of your family or just your boyfriend?

[paula1]

He does want to be a part of my family. He gets invited to all of my family events etc.

I just get the impression that he's clueless in regards to my kids.
I've spoken to him about this numerous times and he's very well aware of how I feel.
I think a genuine interest to be a part of my boys lives is either there or it's not.

[BeYOUtiful]

You introduced them after only 4mths? Wow, no way I would be doing that with my child/children.

I think you need to speak with him about it. It is not easy being a step parent, maybe he is treading carefully/slowly.
2yrs in a blended family situation is not a long time, especially for kids after having been through parents separating/divorce.