[CheekyBuggers]

dd is 6 weeks old.

From the start it wasnt easy, she was a very active bub from get go and i wasnt producing enough colostrum to keep her happy so she was very unsettled and just tore apart my nipples, I left the hospital day after she was born due to having a nearly 2yr ds well i had to hand express and syringe feed her it got that bad that night, luckily my milk came in the next day so she was happy.

I got the attachment right and the cracks healed, I then though had fun with a oversupply and had to keep expressing stuff off before as she couldnt get on.

At about two weeks we started having fun she just started gumming my nipples and only taking the end of it, resulted in that much pain i had to express and bottle feed her ended up being bad case of thrush.

She has now developed what i beleive is silent reflux and hates the breast, put her on she'll have a few sucks and pull off screaming arching the back and lashing out so i've gone back to expressing as its not as bad as i have a really forcefull flow (basically sorry if tmi btw its basically if youd been expressing and you get that thick shooting stream well i just about have that all the way through without the squeezing, i have to keep dd off as it's too high a flow and just let it drain into a towel which means a messy feed I dread going out any time dd might want a feed). I went to my gp last week as its just yeah getting bad shes so unsettled im seriously holding her all day, after every feed theres a screaming match, he told me to give her infant gaviscon well that aint really helping and to add thickner to her bottle which helps at some feeds but wont bf'ing. The gp's and the chn ive seen think im imagining things and shes fine, you should have seen the looks when i said i was there to have her seen for silent reflux, as shes gaining weight, perhaps a little too much, she was born 3.9kg by day 2 was 3.8 at her 3 week check up was upto 5.1kg and nearly 5.4 the next week. They say shes fine and if anything was wrong she wouldnt be gaining but from what i was told by 13health silent refluxers often gain alot of weight as they comfort feed which what she does.

I'm just at a loss as to what to do, Im so tired its not funny, i barely get to bed before midnight then shes back up at 2:30 and well if its been a ok feed we'll be going back asleep by 3:30 then shes usually back up by 5:30-6 and im up from then on usually, ds doesnt take naps anymore so thats the only sleep im getting and having to express is just taking it right out of me, Im that tired I constantly feel sick and emotional and the idea of formula is looming but i dont want that option Ive learnt with ds its ok now but later ill really regret it. With ds he had mouth problems which ment latching on was near impossible so i expressed but he had a touch of reflux and severe colic so i was like this with him but lasted until 4 mths before i went formula and regretted it.

Im just at a loss, she has so much trouble at the breast and is a constant feeder sometimes being on there for a good hr every 2 hrs but expressing i dont know how much i can keep it up i know my supply is dropping off but i dont want to use formula, it makes me feel like a failure as a mother not being able to provide the most natural thing for her.