[Apple Blossom]

So if you have fantasies about your own gender, does that mean you are bi or gay?

What if you are a woman and are happily married to a man and are sexually attracted to him, but you might occassionally like to view pornography of the opposite gender? Are you still bi even if you would never act out on those fantasies IRL?

What exactly is the definition of bisexual or gay as far as you are concerned?

[annasue]

Watch out people she's doing a piece for jerry springer

[Apple Blossom]

Thanks for the insight there!

[Soprano-Cat]

I class myself as bicurious for the following reasons:


1. I find the idea of girl on girl to be sexy
2. BUT I have never found a woman that I am attracted to the way I am to men
3. THUS I conclude that I am not bisexual, but am curious about the idea, and should I find a woman i am attracted to, I would consider a sexual encounter / relationship (if I weren't married at the time)

To me, bisexual is when you KNOW for sure that you're attracted to both genders. I don't KNOW, I just find the idea sexy, and would be willing to try it out. If I weren't willing to try it out, I would be straight, with fantasies.

[amoral lemur]

I would have thought it was how you defined yourself in your own mind.

Just because you are a man married to a woman say doesn't mean you might not be gay....even if you have never slept with a man. If fanstasies define your sexual identitiy then what does that mean for a woman who like to watch gay male porn? Is she actually a gay man trapped in a woman's body?

My sexuality was clear way before my first relationship. And I am not sure that people always fit in neat boxes.

[Guest_Cali~_*]

I can pretty much ditto Lillijen.

But for one point - I have been with 3 women/girls and unfortunately didn't enjoy it.
I was in my 20s then and really wanted to experiment and be open to all experiences.
Turns out I'm straight but still harbour a fantasy for the 'right' woman.

So I think you could only classify as gay or bi if you loved the sex and felt a desire for your own gender and a willingness to have a longer term relationship eventually.



This post has been edited by Cali~: 03/04/2010, 01:40 PM

[futureself]

So if you have fantasies about your own gender, does that mean you are bi or gay?

No, it just means that you are an active, sexual being with an open mind.

What if you are a woman and are happily married to a man and are sexually attracted to him, but you might occassionally like to view pornography of the opposite gender? Are you still bi even if you would never act out on those fantasies IRL?

See, I see this as quite usual, ordinary, sexual behaviour. To me, fantasies are healthy and not out of the ordinary, they most often involve people or situations that if presented to us in real life we'd decline politely! This includes pornography - it's a fantasy world that I think adult relationships can embrace and not have hiddden from each other. For example: I've read erotica with homosexual activity that I find a turn on, DH definitely knows about it and quite frankly he's a fan of anything that turns me on! It's essentially me having "a gay porn stash" like mentioned in another thread, but I would not define myself as bisexual as it is such a sporadic, small part of my overall sexual orientation that exists only in my mind

To me, bisexual is when you KNOW for sure that you're attracted to both genders. I don't KNOW, I just find the idea sexy, and would be willing to try it out. If I weren't willing to try it out, I would be straight, with fantasies.

Agree with this.

[justpeppermint]

I can pretty much ditto Lillijen.

But for one point - I have been with 3 women/girls and unfortunately didn't enjoy it.
I was in my 20s then and really wanted to experiment and be open to all experiences.
Turns out I'm straight but still harbour a fantasy for the 'right' woman.

Ditto.

I did try it, while I enjoyed giving someone pleasure I did not "feel" anything myself. Boobs are always nice but I am straight. At a stretch I would still say bi curious. I have found women to be the best kissers though.

ETA- My ex is bi. He new from an early age. He doesn't feel anything but sexual attraction toward men but has thought of having a relationship with one. He decided that wasn't for him. It's just the way he is.

This post has been edited by justpeppermint: 03/04/2010, 02:07 PM

[silentmoose]

I would have thought it was how you defined yourself in your own mind.

<snip>

And I am not sure that people always fit in neat boxes.

This. Exactly.

The only thing that 'makes' someone gay/bisexual/pansexual/asexual/queer/woman/man/trans/genderqueer etc. is self-identity. There's no performativity requirement.

Some people will get up in arms about the fact that they don't get to define my identity on my behalf, but my right to self-identity trumps their desire to keep me in a nice little box of their choosing.

Also, there are different types of attraction. Some people are entirely asexual, but want to spend the rest of their life in a committed relationship with a particular gender. Some are sexually attracted to all genders, but are only romantically interested in one of them. Or vice versa. Or any other combination.

[justpeppermint]

Some are sexually attracted to all genders, but are only romantically interested in one of them.

This is my ex. Male, female, transgender you name it. But he only has relationships with women. Makes things very complicated I can tell you lol