[EBeditor]

Posted on behalf of Kylie

Honestly, I cannot believe I even wrote that title. It is however inspired by some recent threads here on EB and some real life conversations I have had with other parents.

As a child, Christmas was ALWAYS a magical time. I have never known excitement like the blood-bursting, vein-popping anticipation of Santa coming as I went to bed on Christmas Eve. It was not so much about the presents I would be receiving, but the whole idea that the jolly fat man was travelling around the world to deliver gifts to children everywhere. It was the unknown – the possibility of hearing him or even seeing him, that kept me on the edge of my bed. The ritual of leaving a snack and drink out for Santa and his reindeer, the laying out of Santa sacks, the letters we wrote him – they were all part of the fascination.

My mother is a great believer in fostering imagination. In fact she told us that the crusty stuff you wake up with in the corner of your eyes was called “sleepy dust” and is sprinkled by the fairies to help you sleep. I still called it sleepy dust when I went to university and had many a debate about the correct label with fellow students (It’s not called “sleep” – “sleep” is a verb!). Being raised in a family that celebrated all the Christmas trimmings – the decorating, the story telling, the food, and of course the present giving – has made me a true supporter of the Santa story. My parents often had years where they struggled financially but this was never apparent when we woke up on Christmas morning. I don’t recall wondering why Jenny up the road had a flashy new bike while we received smaller gifts from Santa. Perhaps I was a little slow to cotton-on to the Santa deal, although I do remember asking my mum why Santa brought us all these toys yet they coughed up nada. Rude and ungrateful? Or just plain inquisitive? From that year on, she slipped a present out from the lot she’d bought and put it under the tree from her and Dad.

So, as my oldest approaches his seventh Christmas and starts to ask the hard questions about Santa, I know he is coming to the end of his magical believing time. I’m despondent about that. Some parents are concerned their children will find it difficult to trust them once the truth about Santa is out. As much as I’d love to scream “are you serious?” I guess I could exercise some reason and try and see things from the other side.

• We teach our children to tell the truth, yet we lie about some fat guy in a red suit who delegates toy making to little men with pointy ears and then takes all the credit.
• We claim the toys are hand-made in the North Pole yet most of what is received can easily be bought off the shelf at the local shopping centre (complete with familiar tags…).
• We spend years building trust with our children and then we lie about this big event in their lives and expect it not to affect them?

OK, I tried, I failed. I just don’t see the problem. It’s called magic. And there’s so little magic left in the world, so stop over analysing Christmas and the Santa gig. If you want to channel your energy, let’s cut down on the amount of plastic crap we buy our kids and perhaps look at some more ethical toy purchases. But leave the kids and Santa alone. The truth comes out early enough and those incredible times of imagination and true belief in something so magical will be gone forever. Show me a resentful child who feels cheated and lied to because he/she was told Santa was “true” and I’ll jump through hoops of fire while nine month’s pregnant.

So as I count down with my children to Santa’s arrival, and start to dust off last year’s Christmas decorations, all the old excitement from Christmases past bubbles to the surface. It is infectious and I am sure my children will grow up remembering the fun that surrounded Christmas, and forgive me for perpetuating a myth about a jolly fat man. Let’s get back to what Christmas is really about, according to my husband, celebrating the birth of Santa.

Do you think encouraging the story of Santa is lying to your children?

Comment below

[Jemstar]

In a word no.

We teach our children to tell the truth, yet we lie about some fat guy in a red suit who delegates toy making to little men with pointy ears and then takes all the credit.

Actually we don't - we lie to our children all the time. I think children are more savvy than we think. They know the difference between a 'white lie' and the serious stuff. Recently I heard something about a study that suggested that children who can successfully lie about the little things are usually more successful adults. Sure, we might *tell* them they shouldn't lie, but actions speak louder than words!

We claim the toys are hand-made in the North Pole yet most of what is received can easily be bought off the shelf at the local shopping centre (complete with familiar tags).

Well you might, but I don't. I tell them that Santa sources his presents from all over the place, AND that he has a budget! (Oops... more lies!)

We spend years building trust with our children and then we lie about this big event in their lives and expect it not to affect them?

I expect it to effect them in a good way - it's called the wonder if magic and childhood imagination. You know, links in with all that imaginative play we want our kids to be doing all the time. Children learn to trust us because we feed them, love them and provide them with the things they need (physically/emotionally etc) - their trust comes from knowing we are always their for them, regardless of 'white lies' that may get told along the way.

I think every culture around the world has some imaginative person/animal etc that children believe in. Frankly, I think it's possible to do your children *more* damage by treating them like mini-adults and telling them the whole truth about everything.

See, I can't ever imagine an adult saying to their parents 'how could you have let me believe in Santa for all those years', but I can sure as eggs imagine the child who didn't get Santa saying to their parents 'why didn't you give me that experience of joy that other children I grew up with got?' (assuming of course, they are living in a country that predominately celebrates Christmas and you do not have other cultural/religious celebrations of your own).

This post has been edited by Jemstar: 21/12/2010, 09:16 AM

[Anonimouse]

Wow, that was a balanced article.

As a matter of fact, yes I do think it's lying. Cultivating imagination is a different thing completely to lying to kids.
In one case you encourage them to imagine stuff - I'm assuming here you'd expect them to know the difference between imagination and reality so that they don't jump off the balcony in that superman cape like some unfortunate tykes.
In the other case, you actively confuse reality and fiction for them.

I haven't yet decided what I will do, but I must say I have not read such a biased and dismissive-of-others-points-of-view post for a long time. And that's on EB!

[Jemstar]

It's not an expository article anonimouse, it's an opinion piece, you know, complete with opinion? Therefore it's going to position you to illicit a response (either for or against - that's the whole point - to be provocative).

Reality and fiction get blurred all the time. Just read the newspaper.

This post has been edited by Jemstar: 21/12/2010, 09:20 AM

[Anonimouse]

Sorry, replace the word 'article' with 'post'. I found it a really unbalanced 'post'.

Reality and fiction get blurred all the time. Just read the newspaper.

And that makes it right

[tle]

Children need magic in their life. It's one of the things that make childhood so special.

I feel sorry for kids that aren't allowed to believe in the joy and magic of Santa. I believe forcing your kids to grow up too soon causes more dissillussionment than a little white lie that brings so much excitement and pleasure.

My kids are all excited about christmas and doing the whole Santa letter, following his preparation on the websites etc. For them, Christmas isn't just about presents or religion, it's a wonderful magical time of the year. And that's all thanks to Santa.

[Jemstar]

Post or article, it's still an opinion piece that is designed to illicit a response! See - we're arguing about it already! lol

[jellywombat]

I don't think that keeping up the Santa myth is bad for kids. The real world can be a very harsh place for a lot of people. Whats wrong with letting your children believe that Santa is real, the fairies at the bottom of the garden is real and also the tooth fairy? Its not like that will make your child live in a complete fantasy world and not know fact from fiction. My DD (who is only 6) thinks that Santa, fairies, tooth fairy and the knot fairy are all real. She also knows that tv shows we watch are made by actors. She knows that they are only people like you and me who get paid to pretend they are someone else. She knows this and yet still enjoys watching shows. Even as adults we like a bit of escapism. Who, when watching their favourite shows like The Vampire Diaries, Sex in the City etc thinks its all real? Most of us, if not all, grew up believing in Santa and yet we are well rounded adults. When you think about it there are lots of other 'lies' more harmful to children than whether Santa exists or not.

[Stained]

Actually we don't - we lie to our children all the time.

I actually dont knowingly lie to my children. Lying is wrong and I dont care if it makes you more successful... Often times so does crushing the little people. That doesnt make it right!

Show me a resentful child who feels cheated and lied to because he/she was told Santa was “true” and I’ll jump through hoops of fire while nine month’s pregnant.

Not a child and not resentful but my DH cant believe his parent fed him the Santa lie... I will ask him when he gets home what he thought when he found out Santa wasnt real but I know that is how he feels about it now.

I love my son to use his imagination but I also like him to know that it is just pretend.

[aluminium]

Bring on the magic of Christmas!!

I feel that people who deprive (yes, deprive) their kids of Santa (and Harry Potter et al fantasy books/films) ruin childhood.

Adulthood is where the hard truth can be found - it's inescapable - and we spend too much of our lives in the adult world.

Let kids be kids and enjoy the magic of imagination and the excitement of childhood.