[mlowpaterson]

I don't think believing in Santa is lying to your child. It's part of Christmas. And I don't believe that you can never lie to your child. Not even a small twist of the truth? When my son comes to me for the 50th time that day, asking to put the carriage on the train, and I say it's broken, lets put it away, I am lying to him, but oh well, I am sick of the train!

That's your prerogative and generally I think, whatever works for you and you may not believe me but I have never lied to our child and my husband and I hold each other to account. I have never lied to her and I know she's only three but I hope I never have to.

If she's been asking for the 50th time to read her the same book, which she does, I tell her, no, I'm done and find something else for her to do quietly, like drawing. Usually that works.

[mlowpaterson]

Too true! I agree! We could all relax a little!

[Natttmumm]

It was just this morning that I told DD1 (3yrs) and DD2 (1yr) the story of santa clause and the north pole. I loved telling them and they loved hearing it. DD1 is so excited.

I believed until I was 5 when I asked my Mum if it was true and to be honest. She told me then it wasnt. I will wait until one of then asks in that way

[soontobegran]

I cant see myself ever lying to my children... I might not tell them something they dont need to know or might leave out some details that arent age appropriate but that isnt lying.

Good people and good parents occasionally tell white lies to their children AND others.

[mlowpaterson]

As a child, my mum did not perpetuate the Santa myth, I always knew there was no santa. We only got presents from mum and dad, not from 'santa'. We did not hang up stockings. My brother and I asked mum for money so we could buy each other easter eggs, as we knew there wouldn't be any visit from the easter bunny at our place. I remember being so sad and wishing I could believe I asked mum about it as an adult and she told me she didn't want to lie, didn't want to perpetuate the Santa myth, didn't want us not to trust her etc, but honestly, it was awful for me. Even as a child I felt I was missing out on something magic at christmas, and christmas always felt a bit 'ordinary' and a bit of a let down for me.

I have gone to great lengths to make sure that my children have a 'magical' christmas experience. They all still believe in Santa, even DD who has just turned 9, and the looks of wonder and joy on their little faces on christmas morning are priceless.

I am constantly a little bit worried about whether I have done the right thing, and whether the kids will feel 'lied to' when they find out, I'm hoping that the happy memories they have will all be worth it for them.


The knot fairy? What is that?

And to the PP who was worried that Kylie's post was 'biased', clearly you don't understand the point of this blog. It is Kylie's opinion (biased by definition) followed by Kylie asking readers for their opinion on the topic. If Kylie's 'bias' bothers you so much, then close the thread and read something else

I'm sorry that you felt deprived in that aspect of your childhood. Like you, I'm sure your mum was doing her best at the time. In retrospect perhaps she didn't realise how much you needed something magical.

As I've said in other posts though, every family and child is different and I don't think not having Santa means a child is missing out on a special Christmas at all.I cannot believe that to be true for everyone - I had a blast as a child and all through adulthood, Christmas was always fantastic, playing games with my siblings, visiting rellies, playing with cousins...I think having your own traditions and time with family is special enough.

I understand that you have had one experience and you must do the best you know for your kids but I must do the best for mine, with my life experience which was perfectly happy, devoid of Santa or the Easter bunny.

Someone else has said it here but it bears repeating - just like every aspect of parenting, only you know what is best for your child and you do the best you can. No judgement from anyone necessary.

[mlowpaterson]

@ Old Pete - Sounds like a great course of action! Happy Christmas

[**Xena**]

Xena if you tell your kids Santa is bringing them presents then you are lying. But I honestly dont care if people do Santa with their kids, I am not bagging anyone, I am just saying that *I* dont want to tell my children something I know to be false.

I don't agree. Dh and I are Santa so Santa is indeed bringing them gifts. To me Santa is giving without expecting anything in return, he is joy- he isn't one person but every parent who gives their child a gift knowing they won't get the credit but do it just for the look of happiness on their child's face. He is a personification of all the different attributes that are desirable at this time of year.

So Santa is bringing them gifts and there is no lie. When asked if he is real I tell them Santa is for those who believe in him, again no lie.

I don't mind that this is a different view to it than you have but to try and spoil it for others by saying they are lying to their children and acting like you are taking the higher morality road is just as bad as someone saying that not having Santa would ruin Christmas. To you you feel like it would be a lie but that doesn't make it so for everyone. Likewise I don't wish to have a Christmas without Santa because to me he does make it extra special but I certainly don't think anyone who doesn't have him must have an inferior Christmas to my own or is ruining Christmas for their kids.

[Obesa cantavit]

Lying? I supose it depends what you say to youor kids. My kids believe in Santa (yes even the eldest at nearly 7) I, howver have never ouotright told them Santa is real. Lying by omission, yes, but as with my own parents, it will make it easier to answer questions when they are asked. My parents never outright lied to me about Santa. If we asked was he real, tyhey would ask us what we thought. When the time came that we really questioned, they told us the story of St Nicholas and how Santa evolved from there as a magical story to help bring joy to people around the world.

I do not have any negative feelings surrounding finding out Santa wasnt real. Infact, being the eldest of 4, quite the opposite. It was the begining of a magic secret between me and my parents and I loved "pretending" for my siblings.

I have found that it is those who have been emotionally affected by finding the truth, to be the most vocal anti-santa brigade, but each to their own.


( In our house, an in my childhood home, Santa doesnt necessarily make presents, he brings them. Also parents have to contribute some money, which is left for Santa on christmas eve with the his and the reindeers snack, as Santa has so many toys to give he would go broke!)

[mlowpaterson]

Good people and good parents occasionally tell white lies to their children AND others.

This implies that people who try to tell the truth, albeit, seasoned with grace are not good people or good parents, which...is a lie....

My personal belief is that the truth is always, always the better option especially when asked directly.

I know there are times when we don't want to hurt the other person's feelings and if we are not being asked for our opinion or if the information we have is not needed or sought, then perhaps silence is the wiser option.

However if I am asked, I will endeavour to always tell the truth.

I would hope that even if people believed white lies were acceptable that their first inclination would be to at least consider the truth.

[rbat]

I don't think it is bad for children necessarily in answer to your question. Whether I will expose my son to this 'magical' myth I haven't decided. Coming from a Christian home, Santa was never the focus and I don't think I missed out in the slightest. Christmas was about spending time with family first and foremost. I hope my DS will enjoy this aspect the most as he grows up rather than what presents a fat man in a red suit got him.