[ZombieMum]

When you have a gifted child who is "quirky" how do you tell if it's something more? What's the difference between not being able to relate well to other children because they are not on the same intellectual level and it being because of ASD. Is it not possible that they seek out older children because they have more in common?

Any time I've mentioned that I'm worried about my 6 year old I'm always told it's just because she's smart and that I'm looking for problems. Yet she ticks everything in that girls' list except the speech therapy. But then is it a case of it being like star signs where it's so generic everyone will find something that relates?

Also if you have a child that is highly functioning but has ASD traits is there any benefit to a label? It seems like an exhaustive and cost prohibitive process. What happens if you can't afford all the intensive therapies when all is said and done?

If I was ever to go to my GP I doubt he would take me seriously. He only ever want to talk about how smart she is and if I ever have any behavioural concerns it's always because she has had "a harder childhood than most" (multiple hospital admissions)

My DD1 was diagnosed as gifted at 6 years (also diagnosed as ADHD), and it wasn't until she was 9 when she received the Aspergers diagnosis - the paed we were seeing kept dismissing it as she 'played' with the toys in his office - but he didn't really note how she played with the toys.

We were told by a few people that our DD was acting the way she was, because she was gifted, and we did listen to them, and delayed getting a diagnosis, but I had suspected Aspergers since she was 5. Part of me didn't want my DD to have a label. Having a diagnosis meant that doors were opened up for her. She was able to get some funding for an integration aide - but I think this was more based on her behaviour issues rather than her having Aspergers.

ASD is a spectrum disorder - so each child is different.

In hindsight, some of the warning signs my DD1 had were:
* she toe walked

* she had a lot of sensory issues - buying her first pair of shoes was a nightmare. She hated socks - could feel the seam along the toes. She hated tags on clothes. She hates clothes that have static electricity - so refused to wear silky nighties to bed. (She also had a fear that the static electricity would cause a fire. )
She had a heightened sense of smell - which caused issues with using other people's toilets - even if they were 100% clean, they didn't smell like ours, so we had to go home when we were visiting. This affected what school we chose - it had to pass her approval.
She did grow out of some of these sensory issues.

* She has a lot of anxiety - so will ask questions over and over again. When she was younger, if I didn't use the correct words, she'd ask me again.
She had a lot of fears - her mind works overtime (could be ADHD related too with her mind racing) when she was a toddler she'd freak if a fly or ant went near her. She hated thunderstorms. She hated the swimming pools - she was petrified of the holes and drains.

* She hated me using different voices when I read stories to her.

* When she is feeling anxious, she is less able to make normal day to day decisions - so she will ask me - can she have a drink, can she go and have a bath (she still asks this sometimes and she is 15!)

* She's not able to assess the situation and then make a decision - eg last night at 11pm she comes and asks me if her sisters have brushed their teeth and had a bath - they had been asleep for a few hours!!!
When she was younger (maybe 8), she spilt a drink on the table. She yelled out to me that she'd spilt it - yet did nothing. In the time it took for me to come over, my then 3 year old DD grabbed a tea towel and was cleaning it up.

* She takes things literally - so if I say I will help her in a minute, she will wait exactly 60 seconds. Although, my DS (aged 6) did that to me this morning - I said I would play a game with him in a minute, and he came back and said he'd counted to 60. When I said to him I was still busy, he was able to move on - with my DD1 - she can't move on, she will say 'but you SAID you would be a minute' and she will go on and on about it.

* She can go on and on about certain topics.

* One of the issues we've always had, is she will start talking over people - if she wants to talk, she thinks she should be heard straight away - even if 2 people are having a conversation. We did see a counsellor when she was younger (before her Asperger and ADHD diagnosis) and we tried to teach her to wait. If my other kids start talking, and I tell them that they need to wait - they will then wait - but my DD1 doen't see why she should wait.

* A lot of her issues are obvious at school. She has trouble starting her school work. She will waste a lot of time sorting out her pens in order, etc. Instead of just jumping in and writing, she will become anxious about not doing things perfectly. She doesn't like to repeat work - so for English, where you have to write a plan before you begin a piece, then write a draft, correct it, then write another draft, or the final copy, she will just want to write it out once.
If she finds school work boring, she might not attempt it.
In the past, if she had a list of activities/questions to do - if she came across one she didn't quite understand, she wouldn't ask for help. She'd just sit there, and wouldn't even skip over that question and complete the rest of the work.
Homework in primary school was a nightmare! It took her at least 4 times as long to complete. She hates homework - because it's school work, and should only be done at school.
She's in high school now - and if I ask her if she has any homework to do, she might say no - and that's because she has left the work at school, so therefore in her mind, she doesn't have homework to do at home.

* Other kids were quick to pick up that she was different, and boy can they be mean!!! They loved to take her hat off her - and saw how upset she'd get. They liked to move her things on her desk. Once in prep, she lined up first as soon as the bell went, and some other prep girls came over, and told her she was standing in the wrong spot, and they stood next to her and everyone else lined up behind them.
In Gr 1, she had some kids tell her the bell had gone - so she ran off to line up and waited and waited. She didn't think to look around and see other kids were still playing.

* My DD rarely shares about her day at school. The other 3 kids will fill me in on things that are happening.

* The end of the school day is hard for my DD - she finds school exhausting, and needs about an hour of down time - so it's asking for trouble if I take her somewhere after school.

* My DD1 doesn't know how to respond when someone gets hurt. She has to know how they hurt themselves - so if I have one of the kids bleeding and in need of a cuddle and first aid, my other kids will go get a bandaid or wet cloth, but DD1 will ask 100 questions. She thinks I should pay all my attention to her, and not the hurt child. She also becomes anxious if one of the kids are hurt - and this is often due to the routine being changed.

* She hates it when our routine changes. She gets upset if one of the kids are home sick from school. She now tells me that I need to take them to hospital. My DD3 has Coeliac disease - and the smallest amount of gluten can make her vomit, and she can be sick for a few days.
* She has to watch her tv shows - so when The Simpsons were on every night, she HAD to watch them. If the programming got interrupted, she'd get upset.

One advantage of having an Aspergers diagnosis is that you are eligible for the Carers Allowance. Your child also has a HCC.

You might get something out of this.
http://www.abc.net.au/local/stories/2011/06/17/3246425.htm

[baddmammajamma]

Awesome post, Zombie Mum. From everything I've seen/read in my involvement with various gifted groups & ASD groups, it is pretty common for giftedness to be uncovered before special needs like ADHD and high functioning forms of ASD -- but doesn't it suck to have your concerns dismissed by doctors, teachers, and even family members??!

2 Gorgeous Girls, here is a thread from this spring re Twice Exceptional children. There are some very compelling stories, as well as great resources, in it.

http://www.essentialbaby.com.au/forums/ind...howtopic=909709

[2 Gorgeous Girls]

Thanks ZombieMum and Baddmamajamma. Your posts were both very useful and gave me a lot to think about.

[baddmammajamma]

Bumping on a rainy day, with the start of school on the horizon. Thanks for all of the support over the years in helping me spread the word.

[jameses mum]

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This post has been edited by jameses mum: 29/01/2013, 10:37 AM

[baddmammajamma]

Jameses Mum:

I wish I could offer you a hug in real life. It sucks when there are so many barriers and people standing in your way of diagnosis. The "there's nothing wrong with him, it's all YOU" angle is so horribly unhelpful.

There is a board on EB for parents of kids with SNs, including a pretty decent group of us who have school aged kids with ASD. My daughter has Aspergers & is a year younger than your son.

It is a protected board, meaning when you post things there, they don't show up in the general news feed. Please feel free to come on over. There are some exceptionally helpful, sympathetic & knowledgeable parents there.

http://www.essentialbaby.com.au/forums/ind...hp?showforum=83

You can just copy your post above if you don't want to go through the hassle of re-telling your story!

Also, please feel free to PM me. There are some good private groups, if you want somewhere to discuss your issues that is not quasi-public.

[baddmammajamma]

Bumping in light of Autism Awareness & Acceptance Month