[misskrm]

Hi everyone, I need help!

This has taken me alot, especially to get to this point. I feel like I am on my last legs as a mummy. He's broken me, and I don't know what to do.

DS1 is 5 and just started school. A sweet kid with a smile to light up the room. He's affectionate and smart...but lately, his behaviour has been out of control. He's rude, cheeky, defiant, aggressive and just plain horrible. He throws tantrums that would make a 2 year old cringe. He kicks out, looks to try and hurt himself. He's mean to his brother, mean to me and my DP and his Dad. He is never still, he has sooo much energy. I have tried EVERYTHING. Smacking, time outs, taking toys off him, stopping him from doing things he wants. Nothing works. I let him run around in the yard to try and burn energy off, I do fun things with him. I try so hard, different calm approaches, talking quietly to him. Nothing works. I have him on a preservative/additive free diet. These tantrums and his acting out is EVERY SINGLE DAY. The 5 days he is with his dad a fortnight, are so peaceful for me.

This morning, getting him and his brother off to school and daycare, was a nightmare. He wouldn't do what I asked, after 10 times..I lost it. I am so ashamed. I ended up in heap on the floor crying my eyes out. In the end, he quietly went and did what I asked, and waited by the door. (how hard was it really?) I know FYOS is a hard adjustment for kids, so give him a little leeway, but I am not his punching bag. I worry that his little brother is going to think that it is acceptable and be exactly the same.

This is so hard for me to admit, but it's getting to the point of me not wanting him to be here with me. I know this is horrible, and I would never ask his Dad to have him fulltime, but the thought is there, you know? I feel like I am failing him, and that I am the worst mum in the world. I have anxiety issues myself, and stressing about his behaviour doesn't help them. I have tears streaming down my face as I write this.

At school he is really good, his teachers (old daycare teachers too) love having him. I assume if there were any behavioural issues, then he would be acting out there too.

What can I do? I love him so much, and I just want my sweet little boy back.

Thanks for reading, I am sorry if it is all over the place, I just need to get it out.

[LovenFire]

Do you think he may respond to the whole "You're a big boy" concept? See if Mummy and Daddy can take him out somewhere (which I assume would be a rare thing if you have separated, so perhaps may impress on him that this is important) - perhaps if you can get someone to babysit his brother - and have a talk about how, now that he is at a Big Boy School, he needs to act like a Big Boy and having Mummy breakdown as a result of his behaviour is not acceptable.

Get some house rules for your house which he has input into as well and see if perhaps, being elevated to being the man of the house when he is at your place gives him the sense of responsibility and pride? Do you think that may help?

I'm not sure, but in any case, OP, you're being the best mum you can be and that's all your boys can ask of you. I promise you, they will only remember all that you are doing for them and the tough times will be something only you remember.