[misskrm]

Hi everyone, I need help!

This has taken me alot, especially to get to this point. I feel like I am on my last legs as a mummy. He's broken me, and I don't know what to do.

DS1 is 5 and just started school. A sweet kid with a smile to light up the room. He's affectionate and smart...but lately, his behaviour has been out of control. He's rude, cheeky, defiant, aggressive and just plain horrible. He throws tantrums that would make a 2 year old cringe. He kicks out, looks to try and hurt himself. He's mean to his brother, mean to me and my DP and his Dad. He is never still, he has sooo much energy. I have tried EVERYTHING. Smacking, time outs, taking toys off him, stopping him from doing things he wants. Nothing works. I let him run around in the yard to try and burn energy off, I do fun things with him. I try so hard, different calm approaches, talking quietly to him. Nothing works. I have him on a preservative/additive free diet. These tantrums and his acting out is EVERY SINGLE DAY. The 5 days he is with his dad a fortnight, are so peaceful for me.

This morning, getting him and his brother off to school and daycare, was a nightmare. He wouldn't do what I asked, after 10 times..I lost it. I am so ashamed. I ended up in heap on the floor crying my eyes out. In the end, he quietly went and did what I asked, and waited by the door. (how hard was it really?) I know FYOS is a hard adjustment for kids, so give him a little leeway, but I am not his punching bag. I worry that his little brother is going to think that it is acceptable and be exactly the same.

This is so hard for me to admit, but it's getting to the point of me not wanting him to be here with me. I know this is horrible, and I would never ask his Dad to have him fulltime, but the thought is there, you know? I feel like I am failing him, and that I am the worst mum in the world. I have anxiety issues myself, and stressing about his behaviour doesn't help them. I have tears streaming down my face as I write this.

At school he is really good, his teachers (old daycare teachers too) love having him. I assume if there were any behavioural issues, then he would be acting out there too.

What can I do? I love him so much, and I just want my sweet little boy back.

Thanks for reading, I am sorry if it is all over the place, I just need to get it out.

[itsmemacdolby]

Hi OP

I have a 5YO DD who is FYOS this year and she is quite an emotional wreck since starting. In our case she is tired and seems to be wired all the time, so much so she finds it hard to wind down in the evening to sleep (she'll stay up writing her letters as long as we let her). She can be moody and deliberately pushes my buttons which TBH is rather easy with a 9month old baby and sleep deprivation.

Anyway... the other thing I thought of was I know the separation from his Daddy has been mentioned before but you mentioned a DP in your original post (I think, baby brain, could be way off track here) - does he get on ok with your new partner? I only ask because my parents separated at the same age (3) and I know I was a right little terror for my mum when she was seeing someone, I just didnt like him/the situation and in my immature mind I pined for my mum and dad to reunite. I'm not saying it to make you feel worse or anything, just another idea?

It could be a combination of a lot of things just taking their toll on him emotionally. I hope he calms down for you soon. In the interim, it sounds as though you're trying every approach known to man, hopefully others will be able to offer other ways to manage him.