[Kylie Orr]

Four children attending a private high school over six years would set us back close to half a million dollars. And that’s fees alone. If we factored in recurring costs such as building levies, IT equipment, additional subject costs for music/language/sports, school camps and excursions, uniforms, books, fundraising support and other random levies, we could potentially double that figure.

“It’s an investment” they spruik. So is a house.

Many parents who choose to send their children to private school say, “Our children’s education is a priority to us”. Just as it is to my husband and me, and most parents I know.

Education as a priority is about mindset and expectations – not just from the school but equally importantly, the home environment. There are additional influences from their friendship circle, the wider community, sports teams and other groupings, as well as society in general.

Education is an emotive topic, as it should be. It is the key to so many facets of life. Without basic literacy, we cannot effectively communicate. Without basic numeracy, functioning daily can be challenging (just ask me, I am numerically void). Schools are required to meet basic standards of education and for the most part, they do.

But for a child to truly excel, they need to be pushed – either from their own personal drive, their parents, their friends, their experiences and/or their school. I find it intriguing that parents choose the school, more often than not, to be the single most influential push, and therefore invest thousands of dollars into privately educating their children so they can be propelled in the “right” direction. In reality, it is a combination of elements that carve out our education.

A school can confirm or negate our values, but I believe if children are raised by parents who prioritise education, and place importance on academic work, as part of a greater whole, then the school they attend is not the most important factor.

With this in mind, I challenge the idea that private school automatically equals better education and have contemplated the idea that if we did have half a million dollars to spend on our children’s future, how would we spend it? What skills and values would we want our children to acquire to educate and equip them for their future?

The reality is we don’t have that kind of money so this is purely ideological. Humour me and play along.

Assuming you only had the cash to scrape by with private school fees, no extras for holidays and luxuries (which is actually the case for many families) would you consider an alternative?

• Would a public school education plus an overseas family trip once a year teach your children more about the world through life experience? Would a month living in a third world country, witnessing poverty firsthand and experiencing the inequities of the world have a greater impact on our children than learning about it from a text book? Of course. Would seeing it in the flesh inspire them to do something about it? Potentially. At least it would give them an empathetic edge to world suffering – something that is difficult to amass from text alone.
• A public school education plus a tutor to give one-on-one attention and time to a child struggling in certain areas? Even small class sizes can’t promise extended individual attention.
• Would two parents working part-time who were able and available to volunteer at school and in the community, to be physically present in the tumultuous teen years, be of greater consequence to a child’s commitment and overall contribution to society? Not necessarily but it may be nicer for all involved not to lose their parents to a 60+ hour working week to pay school fees.
• Would a public school education with a car when each of your children turned 18 be of more value because it would allow them freedom and independence?
• Perhaps a deposit on a house to help set them up in life without the noose of an astronomical mortgage constantly around their necks?

These are all posed as questions, because I don’t have the answers. I won’t know until we’ve tried some options and seen what works for each of our individual children and I’m not ruling out independent school as a possibility. I’m also not saying private schooling is not worth the money, but for the cost, I’d want some damn good guarantees. Guarantees they can’t give.

Ultimately, we all want the same for our children: to learn industriousness, humanity, and wisdom; to foster resourcefulness, curiosity, and passion. There are many ways these can be achieved through their education, not simply by paying more.

It is a very personal decision, choosing a school for your child. One that depends on so many factors – money, options, opportunities, family beliefs and values, schools available and so on. I just wonder if $500,000 changes any of our fundamental worries for our children?

I leave the final thoughts to my very wise father who responded to my question below:

Your mother and I, and our friends and acquaintances had the usual arguments right across the spectrum from public to private. We had friends doing everything from kids going to overseas boarding schools, to second and third jobs supporting 'exclusive private schools', to active involvement in the kids' state school/college, religious decision making, ideological decisions, home schooling and on and on.

I don't remember anyone reporting a forever-happy child. The topics of discussion and of most concern were the struggles children had at times with forming friendships, fitting in (or being outcast, or worse bullied), adjusting to new teachers and/or schools, moving from primary to secondary, and finding some context or purpose to keep going when it all got too confusing and boring.

All these issues tended to knock kids around emotionally, and the choice of school didn't seem to make any difference to either the issues or the kids' responses.

If I could choose again I would choose to prepare myself to help your mum be the self esteem back up for our kids. That would mean being there physically, mentally and emotionally.

If you set yourselves up to have the time to be there, notice, think and do something I feel sure that most of the transitions will go pretty well. And when the struggle is more than that you can help, find the resources that will make the last bit of difference. That could be trekking in Nepal, but it might also be finding someone to help the kid deal with difficult friends or just going camping for the weekend. So I would go for the state system, be diligent, and save your resources for self esteem gaps.

What do you think? What would you do (or have you done) with that kind of money in terms of educating your children?

Kylie

[3_for_me]

If I had that kind of money to invest in my kids I would put it away until they were old enough to know what they wanted to do and make an assessment at that time, one thing that comes to mind would be money to help start a business or to attend field studies(something that was hard for me to find $$ for when I was at uni).

My brother and his fiance had a house bought for them by her parents and it hasn't done anything to make them better people.

[TwiceTheWoman]

Q. Assuming you only had the cash to scrape by with private school fees, no extras for holidays and luxuries (which is actually the case for many families) would you consider an alternative?

A. Yes

Reason - because the most important thing for a child's self esteem and educational acceleration is the attitude from the home.
If a child has good self esteem and the home places value on acquiring a sound education to back the child's personal drive and skills this is a great spring board to life.
Many people also send their children to private schools for the added value of post-schooling network available to them.
Some private schools provide good value for money in that they are cheaper than the known exclusive schools, but still provide great educational support and facilities.

DH & I were both privately educated. DH went to a 'cream" institution but came from a dysfunctional family so IMO he didn't excel as far as he could've/would've if he had from a loving family instead of one that was totally screwed up; so it cost his parents gazillions for x 4 children, resulting in no-so-remarkable outcomes and DH their only well functioning, emotionally stable, child. DH was lucky at these schools in that he was very middle ground in terms of family background & lifestyle, He was academically brilliant and excelled at sports, so wasn't snubbed, but the others who were boarders from farms etc., very often didn't fit in to the upper echelon background and way of life.

My 11 siblings and I attended private school from prep to year 12 and we were all happy as lamb chops. Several of us received scholarships and we were middle of the range in terms of family background. It worked well for us but we were from a loving and secure background.

IMO, no matter where you send your child to school, the family attitude matters and the child needs to have a sense that they "fit in".

Due to travelling our children mostly home schooled and were happy vegemites.
On return to Australia, it was a massive decision for me to send them to a public school; neither of us were familiar with the public system or just how hard it is for teachers in the public system. Public schooling provided our four children (+one foster) with a strong sense of understanding of how other people have it very tough in life and that developing a strong personal compass is critical for life beyond the years of the school gate.

Scraping by just for school fees etc., doesn't provide a supportive social environment as full participation both at school and out of hours, is required. Private schools are always a lot more money than fees, books and uniforms.

We were committed to providing a balanced lifestyle with holidays and extra curricular activities; we didn't want to be out of our minds with financial and resultant marital stress as a corollary, while trying to raise 4+1 healthy children through to adulthood.

Having said all that, if providing our children with a private education did not place a significant financial burden on our family, we most definitely would have gone private for that extra investment in their education.

Viva la democracy!

This post has been edited by TwiceTheWoman: 15/03/2012, 02:59 PM

[LifesGood]

I think DH and I have decided that, despite being able to afford private school for our children, that we will seek a less expensive option so as to be able to not work full-time demanding jobs during their schooling years. This way we will have time to spend with our children and to assist them with their learning paths. We will spend surplus income on interesting and frequent holidays and travel experiences, and putting money towards our retirement which won't be that far away by the time they finish school!

[countrymel]

My partner has a close friend who went to one of Sydney's most exclusive (ie: expensive) schools - his parents were not wealthy and they both worked two jobs each 7 days a week to fund this.

DP's friend spent hours a day travelling across the city to get to and fro school.

He now has a great well paid career and I'm sure his parents think their exhaustion was worth it..

The thing is, he doesn't owe his career to 'the old boys network' - the 'old boys' new right away he wasn't 'one of them'.. he owes his great well paid career to the degree he chose to take as an undergraduate, to the hard work he put in, to the good career decisions he made in his twenties.

His crippling shyness, his social anxieties, his heartbreaking love life - well - we can put them firmly in the "6 years of being made to feel second class at school and not having available parents to discuss it with"... camp.

He would never advise parents to do what his parents did.
As a teacher I concur.

The MOST important thing you can do to help your child succeed in their schooling, to feel good about themselves, to succeed in life - is give them TIME. Give them attention. Be genuinely interested in what they are doing.

Among my group of friends and acquaintances I can honestly say the biggest stuff ups at life, went to the most expensive schools - the greatest successes, all thanks to public education.

Enjoy your children - if you don't like the school in your area then use that money to move to an area where you DO like the school...

Build a home and a family that your children want to come home to - don't handball your child into the sole care of an expensive school because 'If I spend more money then it MUST be better' - trust yourself.

[Ianthe]

Not all private schools are created equal. There is a big difference between $26000 a year which someone I know pays for Year 10 for their son and the $6000 a year we pay for our Year 10 son.

We didn't send him to private school for any other reason than the fact that it is smaller and more nurturing than the local public school. Kids spend 30 hours a week at school, I want them to be happy and encouraged while they are there. The fact that my very difficult son has blossomed at high school and is reaching his potential is worth every penny.

[baddmammajamma]

We feel that, at least for the time being, private school is a necessity for our daughter. And not just any private school but the private school she is attending.

I was public school educated through high school and had a wondeful experience. My husband & I are huge supporters of public eduation. We live in a catchment with excellent public schools.

However, we have a daughter with a very unusual profile -- ASD and highly gifted+. The best school for her happens to be private -- with very small classes, amazing pastoral care, dedicated G&T resources, and experience with and the right mindset toward Twice Exceptional kids. The local state schools in our area just can't offer the same degree of "high touch" support and access to teachers, even though they are great schools overall.

We aren't rich people, but through some careful budgeting and both of us working (me in evenings/night so I can be involved on campus), we can afford to go private. I would do almost anything to keep her at her current school -- it is that good for her. Our son, who doesn't have an unusual profile, is also there and thriving.

So yes, in our case, I would make enormous financial sacrifices and work/life balance sacrificing to come up with the fees needed to keep our kids in their current school.

[Ianthe]

Enjoy your children - if you don't like the school in your area then use that money to move to an area where you DO like the school...

There are people I know that are considering doing this so their children don't go to the local public high school. For us though that isn't an option. I love our public primary school. It has an awesome school culture and a group of fantastic, passionate teachers. I wouldn't want to move my younger kids from that school. So moving isn't such an easy option.

[red in oz]

Ultimately, we all want the same for our children: to learn industriousness, humanity, and wisdom; to foster resourcefulness, curiosity, and passion. There are many ways these can be achieved through their education, not simply by paying more.

I take issue with this, I don't think we do all want the same things for our children.

My DH and I are planning to move into an area with good public schools so that private school is an option rather than a necessity for our children, depending on what suits them all as individuals. We would rather have more time with them, be able to provide extra curricular activities and holidays, and save any extra money we do have for their tertiary education and to support them in their choices post school.

[Ianthe]

I would do almost anything to keep her at her current school -- it is that good for her. Our son, who doesn't have an unusual profile, is also there and thriving.

So yes, in our case, I would make enormous financial sacrifices and work/life balance sacrificing to come up with the fees needed to keep our kids in their current school.

And this. Because my son has thrived so much and he is the one that is the most "quirky" of my kids, I think that it can only benefit my other kids as well.

I don't know if it will be possible now. I am a sole parent now. I will be back at work within 12 months so I am hoping finances can stretch to put them all through.