[hiddensecrets]

Today we went to AQWA in WA.

DD1 loved it, she went around twice and got pampered by nanna and was treated like a princess. It was a blast for her.

DD2 was another matter.

The crowds and noise scared her and she spent the entire time crying and screaming. Even when I was cuddling her she was crying and screaming until we went into the tunnel and then she alternated between fascination and screaming. Along with complete meltdowns on the actual conveyor belt.

You should have seen the people staring at me as if I could not actually control my own child. Like I was a push over.....

Also DD2 needs "tough feel" as she doesnt do soft feel. Its a sensory thing of hers. All hugs and touches have to be really hard (she even wants showers over baths as she loves water hitting her body but not soft water). She also needs a firm hold when you are holding her (on her neck) to stop her from throwing herself back (sometimes its a tantrum and sometimes it is because her muscle tone is low and she literally loses it). My own sister came over to me and basically insinuated that DP was abusing DD2 because he was holding her too tight and "people were staring"........

I explained to her about the toughness DD2 responds to and she was like "oh but what will other people think! they are probably thinking you are being too rough on her and abusing her"

I ended up telling her to hell with what people think!! DP and I do what our child needs to be able to function in public and if the public cant understand that they can take a long hike with a full bladder and no toilet in sight.

we have been through this before with my mum saying DCP will be called and the children will be taken off us because their sensory issues mean they need a bit of toughness.....ummmm mum it takes more than hearsay for that to happen and I am not abusing them. Even the paeds and therapists said that we have plausible explanations.

arrrgghhhhh when will society understand that sometimes meltdowns are because a child that seems normal might have an actual medical issue??? and when will family stop judging us on how we parent these children and stop saying that this is bad???? (DD2 and DD1 have a neurological condition along with suspected Autism)

It was a fun day but I could have done without the judging....

[baby*girl]

Just posting to say, totally understand. There are numerous shopping centers I cannot attend with dd as the community there feel very jugemental and I get a lot of stares or people encouraging their children away from her like they are scared of her. Its so saddening.

I live most of my life emotionally detached and in a state of numbness just to keep it together to be honest.

[hiddensecrets]

Just posting to say, totally understand. There are numerous shopping centers I cannot attend with dd as the community there feel very jugemental and I get a lot of stares or people encouraging their children away from her like they are scared of her. Its so saddening.

I live most of my life emotionally detached and in a state of numbness just to keep it together to be honest.

Its not usually so bad because we normally shop in a small country town or if we go shopping she goes in a trolley so she is facing us....god knows what we will do when she is too big for the trolley....I am thinking of getting her an ipod and headphones to see if music helps.....

Today really stressed me out as my family was with me and it felt like (especially with my sister) that they were judging me as well.

At first when they told me they were suspecting ASD for the kids I was thinking no.....but in the last year I have really been seeing what they are talking about!!!

We stay home a lot too because of how hard it is with the meltdowns, judgement AND the mobility issues of both girls. I think shopping will now be done when DD1 is at school and DD2 is at daycare. And things like outings will be done MINUS my sister who drew my attention to the judgementalness more than I already needed...

I am glad I am not alone, which is why I posted on here at the moment i feel like crying so instead I am eating icecream.

[baby*girl]

Judgement from family can be hard. I was very sensitive in the early stages of diagnosis, so I used to feel more judged than I probably was from family and friends and like they couldn't possibly know what it felt like.

I lost a lot of friends and isolated myself a lot at home and work to avoid the judgements.

I think as time went on i became very confident in my role as carer/ parent, and my acceptance of the childrens conditions strengthened and I was able to brush off the judgement from family. They all think we do a great job now.

OMG I have been posting a lot lately lol, must get some sleep before Dd gets up in a couple of hours.

This post has been edited by baby*girl: 01/04/2012, 10:55 PM

[3_for_me]

Just wanted to say OP that you will probably find that your sister is superimposing her own views on the people around you and people probably aren't judging you nearly as much as she thinks.

If anything they were probably concerned as to whether she was OK, I have had to hold DS2 very tight while sitting on the pavement outside the school just at the end of school when he had a complete meltdown. He screamed and grunted and struggled in my arms for close to ten minutes, a fair few people looked but those who said something just asked if he was OK and did I need any help. Chances are those others who looked were also simply wondering if he was OK but weren't bold enough to ask.

Don't let other people's self consciousness prevent you from getting out and enjoying life.

[firstatforty]

My son is one of those who loves and need deep pressure. He loves tight cuddles and is always pressing hard against us. If he gets upset I give him a very tight squeeze and place my hand on top of his head and press down. It calms him down. I do this on advice from OT and SN teacher. He's also dummy kid but he only goes out with it if he's having a very bad day. He's 4 1/2. I had a woman say something to me one day about his dummy so I told her he has sensory issues with his mouth and he is having a bad day. She backed off. I felt like telling her to f* off but figured it wouldn't help. He also talks loudly when we go shopping and we get strange looks so I say at least he isn't screaming.

I just ignore people these days unless they say something nice.

[firstatforty]

My son is one of those who loves and need deep pressure. He loves tight cuddles and is always pressing hard against us. If he gets upset I give him a very tight squeeze and place my hand on top of his head and press down. It calms him down. I do this on advice from OT and SN teacher. He's also dummy kid but he only goes out with it if he's having a very bad day. He's 4 1/2. I had a woman say something to me one day about his dummy so I told her he has sensory issues with his mouth and he is having a bad day. She backed off. I felt like telling her to f* off but figured it wouldn't help. He also talks loudly when we go shopping and we get strange looks so I say at least he isn't screaming.

I just ignore people these days unless they say something nice.