[applepie2]

My DD is turning 8 in a month, and we have been having problems with dinner for forever now it is at crisis point (I think I am going to go bald I feel like tearing my hair out every night). Every night it is a long drawn out process of a miniscule of food going into mouth getting its far wack of 40 chews, then a big dramatic swollow. It takes a good hour of me sitting with her telling her to eat, to get on with it. I serve her probably the amount I feed my 1 year old and he's well and truely done in about 15 minutes. In the past she has made herself throw up when she has been made eat something she didn't like. If I don't sit with her she will hide food (sneak up & dispose of it in a pot, our bathroom bin, she has even sat on it to hide it before!!!! and she has learnt not to put it in kitchen bin cause she is caught). She will still take it out & feed the dog if she gets a chance where I have to change baby or something.
A dietician suggested timer & if she hasn't eaten she goes straight to bed. DD loves this, she gets out of eating. Having said all of this she does eat ok (plenty of fruit in day, no biscuits/cakes/chips etc. if it is something in her very limited favourite foods we have no problem. I stopped buying bread because that is all she would eat bread, sneak it & eat a whole loaf if possible.
Last night we sat down for a cuddle and a chat after dinner, she told me she wants to eat it but her head tells her not to. Now I am alarmed and worried. She also said she thinks people at school, her friends & others, are talking and whispering about her.
So after writing all this I think the original question I had of is this just a defiant child or do you think there is some BIG issue going on, I am changing my question to WHERE DO I GO FOR HELP? At the risk of again being fobbed off by a doctor, do I look for a psych or dietician again? Has anyone had these problems & what helped?

[Carmen02]

my DS is 8 in August and he often tells me his head tells me not to do things and he doesnt know why, Im hoping its an age thing lol my DS is an absoutely shocking eater will sit with any meal for well over an hour and would prefer to go to bed or miss out on things then eat. You have my full sympathy! Have a chat to the dietitian DS's is lovely he also has coealiacs disease so they think alot of his problems are psychological

[Mamabug]

Contact your community health centre (usually attached to the local hospital) and make an appointment with their child psych. It is a free service this way.

Or, go to your GP and tell them what you have told us and ask for a mental health plan for a child psych which will give you Medicare rebate on a set number of appointments.

Or, if you have the money, just pay to see a child psych as a self-funded client - can cost up to $200 (well, around our area, this variies, but I'm giving you an idea of cost) and yo can't claim it through Medicare.

The first appointment is generally with just the parent/s so you can discuss the situtation, background, your concerns etc to give them an idea of what approach to use if/when seeing the child, and also to give you some strategies to start to implement.

[emnut]

I would try a psychologist with her to start with given she is paranoid about people talking about her & her head telling her not to eat. The other thing I would query is whether there is a sensory issue given that she will eat what she likes without a problem.

I don't think it is just her being a defiant child with the extremes she is going to.

[Therese]

I agree with Mamabug. I do think you need to speak to someone about it soon. Good luck, I will be thinking of you.

[SarDonik]

Is it possible to break the routine/cycle you are in somehow? Different foods in a different location maybe in front of the TV or a picnic out in the garden, just something that isn't the dinner routine you have at the moment. But it would probably be beneficial to speak to a therapist, not because your DD is mentally ill or anything, but they they probably have some great techniques and methods to help you and your daughter.

[Mummy Em]

It sounds like you are concerned that she has something psychological going on. What about starting with the school psych? Also, have you checked with the teacher as to whether there is actually something going on at school? I wonder what the dynamic is like in her group of friends.

Just taking a stab, but based just on what you have written, she sounds like an anxious/self-conscious child? I wonder if she is having tummy symptoms from anxiety/nervousness in the evenings. Does she go to bed/sleep ok?

[ally0812]

i'm really sorry to hear this. as someone who struggled for upwards of ten yrs now with bulemia i would suggest a psychiatrist. has she had any trauma in her life? do try to listen as her 'head' isnt wrong, its just the way the message gets through can be confused. i hope she will be fine, all the best x

[Alacritous~Andy]

Big hug, OP.

*Standard disclaimer that this is general advice, and my personal opinion, and for proper advice, go see your GP *

Food/eating can be one of the biggest causes of tension between parents and kids.

I definitely think you are best off going and having a chat with a good psychologist who is knowledgable on eating issues (not all are, you might have to have a hunt around). I think they would be better placed to help you than a dietician. No offense at all intended to dieticians, but based on what you have described, it sounds like this is primarily a behavioural issue rather than a nutritional one.

Food refusal is often linked to anxiety. There is good physiological evidence as to why this is. Some of the same hormone pathways that are involved in anxiety are involved in digestion. Do you know what it feels like when you are really nervous, and your tummy gets all fluttery? And some people find that being anxiety can give them diarrhea (where the phrase, "scared the sh*t out of me" comes from. IBS (irritable bowel) is also strongly linked to anxiety. So, if your daughter has a tendency to be quite an anxious child, this might be impacting on her appetite.

Also, for a child, food is one area of their life in which they can exert control. Ultimately, they decide what they eat, or what they don't. If your child is feeling quite out of control in other areas of their life, sometimes this need for control can start to impact on their eating.

A good psychologist will have LOTS and LOTS of helpful information they can take you through. Depending on what state you are in, there are also eating disorder clinics which have a wealth of resources for tackling these issues (and may be able to provide some subsidised therapy). NOTE: I am NOT saying your DD has an eating disorder, or that she will develop one. That is not at all what I am implying, I am just suggesting them as a source of well-trained, knowledgable people who can point you in the right direction and provide support for you as a parent.

I think there are some negative habits that your daughter is forming, especially hiding food and sneaking/stealing food (eg bread), and these would be worth addressing too, as they do have some potential to escalate.

I just wanted to congratulate you on being so proactive, and caring for your DD. Eating issues can be very difficult to tackle, as a lot of parents think it is something their kids will grow out of, so put off seeking any advice or assistance. The best thing you can do is to act now and nip this in the bud.

Good luck.

[Blish]

If it helps at all, my 8 year old son hardly eats at all either and if offered sweet treats etc. usually declines.

He has also said things like "the voice in my head is telling me _____" which freaked me right out. I thought he was schizophrenic when I first heard him say this. I sought the advice of a paediatrician and they said it was a common way that this age group use to explain their thought processes (not that they really did have different voices shouting in their heads).

I hope this helps, although as others have said, I am no expert and I do believe in mother's instinct...if you feel there's something not quite right, get it investigated by an expert.

Have you considered letting her choose what to have each night? Maybe get her to help cook dinner. I also think it's better to eat something than nothing (ie: toast/cereal/banana/yoghurt/apple) - common things my son eats for dinner ....sigh, I feel your pain

This post has been edited by Blish: 27/04/2012, 10:57 AM