[Overtherainbow]

I totally understand. Dealing with fil in hospital atm which means dh is doing a five hour return trip each weekend. If il had been nicer I wouldn't feel so grudging about giving up my dh the one day we have free as a family. Looking like it will be or another month still.

No I can't go as we try and keep chn separate due to previous history and with both of us working full time there's still a lot to achieve on weekend.

Your mother's complaints are her issue, I'd ask her what she would like to do to fill her time but there is a limit to what you can do. If accommodation is too much could your dad stay with you and visit when you go?

[soontobegran]

I have no words of wisdom but I just want to say that I am exhausted just reading what you've been through.
You sound like an amazingly devoted daughter and I wish you well.

[luke's mummu]

Does the hospital have a volunteer or diversonal therapy program? Maybe worthwhle making some enquiries if someone can sit with her/do crafts/manicures etc on a few days a week. Then work your family visits around days when there are no activites or volunteers available?

[Escapin]

Are you the only child? Do you have other siblings (or older nephews/neices) that you could set up a roster with? That's essentially what my mum has with her mum - she calls one day a week and visits one day a week, and so do other people, so her mum has company every day.

I really feel for you, I'm not sure what the h*ll I would do in the same situation

[zlca_mummy]

I really feel for you.

My dad has recently spent 4 weeks in hospital and rehab and it was exhausting for me.

I know it seems selfish but you have to make YOU and YOUR FAMILY a priority.

Basically I am dad's carer - siblings live interstate so it's all up to me, washing, cleaning, cooking, getting him to appointments, dealing with demanding, incoherent phone calls, collecting medication.......oh, and being told " you're just like your mother" when he's p*ssed that I haven't done something the way he wants it done......

I've had to learn to say nothing a lot of the time. It's not worth it. You aren't responsible for it all, your mum has to understand that and if she can't or won't then you have to take responsibility for looking after you.

Sorry for the hijack, clearly I've got a lot of issues in my own situation and reading this reminded me of it.

[maurie]

I'm sorry you're going through this. It is so very very hard.

We went through 2 years of FIL being in and out of hospital/nursing homes/respite centres/at home and it was hell for everyone.

DH has other siblings who basically left it up to dh to deal with, they'd visit every now and then but dh did everything, because the others wouldn't help.

It took a toll on us all and I had to remind dh that his dad could do without him for a day here and there, that he could throw a temper tantrum at the hospital but it didn't mean that dh had to run straight over and sort out the problem.

FIL passed away last year and dh is comfortable with how he was there for his dad in his last 2 years. He would've regretted not spending as much time with him as he did, even though it was very hard on us all.

We just basically got through it - and took time out for just us when we could.

I wish you luck and hope your mum gets better soon.

[~Delilah~]

Are you the only child? Do you have other siblings (or older nephews/neices) that you could set up a roster with? That's essentially what my mum has with her mum - she calls one day a week and visits one day a week, and so do other people, so her mum has company every day.

I really feel for you, I'm not sure what the h*ll I would do in the same situation

I second the roster system. I think your Mum is being a bit selfish demanding to be entertained constantly but she is also scared out of her mind. Its not uncommon for people with cardiac issues to feeling impending doom. If your Mum's negativity is new, it could be part of the disease process. However if she's always been like that, call her on it. Is it possible for someone to stay overnight at the hospital? Most hospitals are able to accommodate that.

Part of the reason your Mum might be complaining is that everyone visits at once and then goes at once. How about working out that you visit from 9-1, your dad does 1-6 and someone else stays overnight with her. Then the next day, swap it around. Only 1 -2 visitors at a time. The kids come to visit after school twice a week. Are there any volunteers in the hospital? They do unnoticed work like visiting patients, refilling water in vases or finding books for patients. Perhaps ask one of them if they would visit every other day.

Its important you take care of you too. Your Dad especially needs to take care of himself. Is he eating properly? Is there accommodation attached to the hospital? The larger hospitals have it for exactly this purpose.

[miriams]

Which city is your mum's hospital in?

Sort of being going through similar issues with my grandfather who complains that noone comes to visit him except me. He knows because he keeps a visitors log (not that we sign, like an accounts book with times noted!). Well, that's because they all live at least two hours away from us and I know that they do visit when they can. He says it is no excuse, they should all make more time. So last week I offered to drive him down to my brothers (three hours away) for a christening. He said yes and then when I rang tonight, gave all these reasons why he doesn't think he can go (and why I shouldn't too!!!!) and then when I said 'Fine, but don't complain to me again that he never visits you" told me to bugger off! Well, I will, and he just lost another visitor in the process

[treetop]

Well, I imagine she'd probably object, but maybe try showing her how Skype works on the Ipad? Better than nothing.

[~TSC~]

Do you have such a thing as a community car that could take your Dad?