If you are b/f, does your DH get up with you when you feed the baby? If he does, does he get up when he has to go to work the next morning?

When I was b/f, I didn't bother to wake DF because I didn't see the point, especially since he had work in the morning. He got a lot of grief from his family for not getting up with me, and I never understood that. They said he should get up for moral support, but what kind of moral support would I need when I am half asleep, and probrably wouldn't even notice that he was awake too.

When I stopped b/f (at 3.5 months due to medical reasons), df worked 4 days on, 4 off. When he worked, I did the night feeds, and when he was off, he did them.

Of course not. He had his own job to go to in the morning. How selfish would it be of me to wake him up to watch me b/f?! What would be the point?

Nope, what's the point. I also suggested he sleeps in the other room so he doesnt get woken. Tyler only just started sleeping through for now in the past week so hopefully he can come back to bed soon

No - I never saw the point in DH getting up too when there wasn't much he could do to help out . Besides which DH is a very deep sleeper, so's lucky enough that he can sleep through it all . DS still has a couple of b/f's through the night (at 14 months) .. I am so used to it I hardly even have to wake up to do it

My df is a deep sleeper too and didn't wake up when it was time to feed, especially since I heard ds as soon as he stirred and had him latched almost immediately when he started to cry.

Poor thing though, we had an angelcare monitor and there were some nights I was so tired that I forgot to turn it off before picking up ds...he definately woke those times!

When Liv was really little and I was breastfeeding, my DH would bring Liv into me for her feed. She was a quick feeder, so would be 5-10 mins. And I was often half asleep while feeding. Once she'd finished, he'd put her back to bed for me and we'd both get back to sleep fine.

I was lucky. He had the first two months off work

But once he got back to work, we continued it. We found that this was easier as if I got up on my own I woke up too much, I just couldn't get back to sleep; which in turn would effect the next day.

We found with both coped better this way. If I didn't get enough sleep at night, I struggled cope emotionally in the day. Its very full on in the day with a newborn.

It reversed now though, DH doesn't cope the next day physically/emotionally when Liv wakes at night now. So I do it.

Emma
DD - Olivia (23/11/04)

These days most nights I pick DD up, sit down and feed her, I do that by myself - unless I am busting to go to the loo and she is already crying, he gets up to hold her or she will wake the older DD up while I go, he then goes straight back to bed. When she was little and it was much more of a production he got up for the first ten minutes to help change her nappy while I went to the loo, had a drink and made a snack etc. We had a little 10 minute routine together. He would also often get up to settle her after the feed. DH was home more than not the first 6 weeks after DD was bornso we both got random daytime naps then. But even after he was back at work - my job is to look after our kids and keep them safe, including up to 2 hrs driving the car most days, I need at least enough sleep to drive safely, how is that less important than his work?

Never! He's a very deep sleeper, so he wouldn't even be disturbed when I'd switch on the lamp (on low) to change a nappy!

None of my friends can understand why I don't express more and then make DH do a feed. My POV is that he gets up at 5am to go to work and gets home at 8pm, so he has enough of a job just doing his paid job, to deal with me making him do a feed that I'm perfectly capable of doing myself!

No I don't see the point either, they would just be sitting there half asleep watching you and DP has to get up early for work. My friends DP always got her to express a bottle for him at least once or twice a week so he could get up and give her a break, she didn't want him to as he has to get up early but he insisted so I always thought that was great.

When I was breastfeeding Willow at night, I didn't see the point in waking A up. As it was, I barely woke up myself!

He is very supportive in many other ways and it was a good way to get a nap during the day, lol!

Nope not me but if I needed him he would be happy to get up and help. I didn't see much point in him waking as he still had to get up to go to work in the morning.

Next.....

No. When the kids were born dh woke at 4 am every morning 7 days a week for work and worked a 70 hour week. He needed as much sleep as he could get as far as I was concerned. He did do the feeds when he got home in the afternoon though but boy, was the poor guy tired.

Hayley

No he didn't. At least I could nap during the day if needed, he can't exactly take a nap during the day at work

Sometimes after putting the baby back to bed, if he (the baby) stirred DH would get up and attempt to settle the baby.

Totally agree. Even when I switched to bottles, I still got up during the night. I could have a sleep during the day but that's impossible for DH.

Wow I am alone then!

My Dh gets up everytime either of our boys wake up and has done since our first child's birth. When they are newborns he dozes while I feed and then changes them, wraps them and puts them back to bed.

And he goes to work the next day.

No he never really has. He's a deep sleeper. I understand the point about BF, he can't really do much but it would have been nice for him to bring the baby to me in bed or change his nappy.

I FF now but still do all the babycare. <_<

no need to, we co-sleep.

So what we do isn't 'work' in the day?

I know I find it bloody hard. That said I don't have family near by so I don't have much chance of a break.

We share all responsibilities of raising Liv. He sees what I do in the home and for Liv in the day as hard work.

We use cloth nappies and he knows how to use and wash them as well as I do. Not because I've made him, but he enjoys all parts of looking after our daughter

Emma
DD - Olivia (23/11/04)

Yes. Kind of.

When my babes would wake (Angus still does once a night), DH would get them from their cot and bring them to our bed for me to feed. He then falls fast asleep while I feed the baby, and then I return him to the cot.

He would also sometimes get up and give Iain a bottle of expressed milk.

He also gets the boys up in the morning and tends to the kids while preparing for work, and wakes me before leaving the house. Kids are always fed, and sometimes dressed.

Love that man.

As far as WE are concerned, I work just as hard (and a lot of the time HARDER) than him each day, and therfore no one deserves to sleep through the night more than the other.

To those that say they could "sleep during the day"....I'm gathering you only have one child? I certainly haven't had the opportunity to nap during the day since Angus was born.

I could never sleep in the day. Some do it, but it always made me feel worse.

Emma
DD - Olivia (23/11/04)

When my sons were newborn DH often would get them and bring them to me and i did the rest, this was his choice and if he didnt get up i did not care..
There was no need for him to be up but i did enjoy not having to get straight out of bed

The only time he has ever got up was when he wasn't working. He works 12 hour days and it wouldn't be safe for him to be at work tired.

For a newborn?? Nope. I wouldn't want him to and don't need him to. I just whip out the boob in the dark, feed and change the babe and back to bed ASAP!

For a toddler, now that is different, I would love if he got up and sorted out DD when she makes us a nocturnal visit!!

The only time DH gets up is if DS won't settle after the feed. Daddy's little boy goes back to sleep much better with DH than me.

Normally though I don't need DH to wake up, he can't do the feed so there is no point.

When she was tiny, and we had a lot of breastfeeding issues, DH would get up with me. Dependingn on what was needed, I'd have to express, DH would give EBM or he would just keep me company and get me a drink and snack, he'd also settle her if needed.

Now that we are pretty good at beastfeeding (yay!) he doesn't get up. Some nights he will wander in and see how we're going but I try and get him to go back to sleep. He has his own job to do during the day and he can't really do much to help at night anymore. I do appreciate it when he gets up to check on us though.

No. Although if I am too tired to settle baby back to sleep/and or baby is unsettled DH will get up at my request and take over that part.


There is a big difference between being tired and having to go to (paid) work and being tired and staying home to care for the children. Someone in paid work still has the same obligations to their boss to be productive. As the SAHM I can quickly re-proritise my time so that I dont have to do ANYTHING but the bare minimum of child orientated tasks. Even if you cant sleep during the day you can still take it easy by not doing much housework/not cook an evening meal etc etc.

Although emotionally its hard to stay hoke and deal with kids when your strung out and tired. In that sense its a nice relief to go to work- but there is no way I could have gone to work day after day on broken sleep.

Usually not when I was doing a breastfeed BUT he did one of the night feeds so I could get a 4 hour straight sleep (the boys fed 3 hourly and each breastfeed took 1.5 hours).

If however there was big dramas at settling or whatever then the other one of us would get up to help with one of the boys.

Generally though when they got a bit older and had less night feeds no I didn't wake him if it was just for a feed. What would be the point? We need at least one of us to not be half-dead through sleep deprivation!

When she was tiny, he would often take her after a night feed and settle her so I could sleep.

Now she's three months old and mostly sleeps through, on the rare occasion she wakes up he will often hear her before I do and will get up, change her and bring her to me. Even better is the mornings that he will take her after her first feed so I can go back to sleep.

That being said, he doen't work a 9-5 job and is here during the day most weekdays, but not evenings or weekends, so I do it all over the weekend. Which is fine while I'm on mat leave, but will be a bit challenging when I'm back at work in a few months.

ETA: Babylove, I think that every thread I have opened this morning has been started by you!

I just wanted to point out that there are alot of EBer's who say that their DP had to get up for work the next morning...ummmmmmmmmmm....call me silly (insane stupid ill take your pick) but doesn't a domestic engineer work a S#!t load more than a 70 hr week?? especially if she does all the night feeds? With no sick days or topil and no leave entitlements!!

Anyhoo, I did get up with DP but she was expressing an instant feed for the first 16wks and then a stored feed after that so YES! lol for the first 16wks we were both rocking up at work looking like death on legs! I don't think Finn noticed but my boss sure did!!

Well I haven't had the baby yet, but DH and I have taked about it. he works 9-5 and is away from home about 8-6.30.

We have agreed that he needs his sleep when working so will not get up for night feeds. However he will settle the baby up until 11-12pm, and also bring the baby to me for any feeds between 6am and when he goes to work, plus change him, settle him etc so I can havwe a bit of a sleep in.

Will be interesting to see if this works!

Im with Lexico.

My DH does all the getting up to both our sons and has done so ever since the first one was born (unless he was away for work of course).

He brings the baby into bed with me, I do the BF and then he puts them back.

He has absolutely no trouble what so ever getting back to sleep after being disturbed, I on the other hand have heaps, so it makes sense for him to do all the getting up.

I agree with PPs, its easier for him to go to work and deal with reasonable adult human beings after no sleep than to stay at home with two sometimes extremely unreasonable babies.

He knows who got the raw end of the deal.

Would have been absolutely pointless for DH to be getting up with me through the night. There would have been nothing he could do. He did however, help me enormously through the day when he was home. And when DD decided to projectile vomit all over herself and everything around her, he always got up to help me mop up the aftermath and look after DD.

DH is a pilot and I am sure none of the passengers on his flights would have been wanting to hear how exhausted the Captain was because he's been up through the night with his baby! I know I wouldn't!

Absolutely.
Every time she woke up, he'd get up and change her, then bring her to me. When I'd finished feeding, he'd then put her back to bed.

Damn straight it's work during the day - Mum's work bloody hard.

But, my hubby can't take time out (darn boss doesn't nap during the day ) whereas I can. Like now, I should be having a bit of a doze while my lovely bubs is fast asleep LOL.

To be honest, DH thought he was doing the right thing on Saturday night and got DS up to settle him and try to give me more sleep. I ended up being up for just under 2 hours as opposed to the 20-30 minutes max that I'm up for if I get up and get him, and feed him. DS didn't get fed straight away like normal, so he really woke up and got worked up. I love it that he tried to help, but it kinda backfired.

I don't see the point in both of us being up when it takes so little time. I get up, feed (with the TV on but the volume down), and go back to bed. Lovely as it sounds for DH to help, it's so not an incovenience for me to do the settling after a breastfeed - I don't mind in the slightest.

I'd feel pretty mean if I made him get up to be honest.

Besides, if DH got up with me, he might try to control the remote and I wouldn't get to watch what I want to watch .

ETA - sorry, just had to add...



Do you really see it as the raw end of the deal? Please don't read my question with any other tone than curiosity - I'm not having a go or being rude, I'm just curious? Is it because you don't fall back to sleep easy or because of the jobs you have during the day?

Genuine question, not being obnoxious or nasty .

ETA: Again!! Sorry about all the edits.

Hubby has gotten up twice for me when I have been over tired or unwell (our DS is only 8 weeks old). So it's not that he won't or I won't ask him, it's that I choose not to. Thought I'd better at least give him the credit he deserves.

Also, on re-reading some of the posts, yes this is with one child. When we have two, I imagine he would get up for the older child (if needed), and I will get up for the baby. Same situation, he can't do the feeding aspect so if the older child needed it, perhaps that could be his job. Food for thought for when it happens, I guess.

Nope, I have 2 boys (15mths apart). The younger one would have a sleep in the morning and when he went down after lunch then I'd put the older one down as well. If I really needed a sleep I'd lay down with the older one as he'd fall asleep more quickly with me on the bed. If I didn't need a rest I'd get dinner cooked while they were both down.

In the beginning DH would get up with me, just so that he could gawk at his son

But now, no he doesn't. I'm used to the night time wakings so my body has adjusted whereas hubby's hasn't!

We mostly have expressed breast milk available at night, but regardless DH is always up first.

With DD, DH would do all night feeds, most of the time I didn't even know he had gotten up.

With DS I have been hogging him a bit

If we are using the bottle, DH will go through and warm up the milk and bring it back to me. Then we decide who is going to feed.

I never ask DH to help, he just wants to, he actually mentioned to me before Deakyn was born that he 'wanted' to do night feeds again as he felt it was great bonding time, especially since he does work.

He does most of the nappy changes too, and with the night feeds he also does the nappy changes.

Mel xx

I would never ask DH to get up just to sit with me while I feed! He needs his sleep to get up and go to work each day. On the weekend he feeds DD EBM and then it's my chance to get sleep. Whats the point in both of you being tired?