I give my DD money once or twice a week for the school tuckshop. She doesn't usually spend it all at once but there is another girl who she plays with sometimes who always asks her for the money.

The first time it happened she told her mum what she bought and her mum must have asked her where she got the money from. I was talking to her one day after school and she mentioned that my DD had shared her money with her DD.

One day I gave her $2 for an item she wanted and hadn't had before. At the end of the day I asked her if it was nice and she said she didn't buy it because another girl (a different girl to above) had wanted $1 so she gave it to her and bought something else instead. As it turns out this girl already had $1 and ended up buying the item my dd originally wanted. I thought this was really unfair.

I have since told her that she is not to give money away and that if someone asks her for it she is to say no because her mum won't let her. I really don't want it to get around that my dd will give money to anyone who asks for it.

While I am happy for her to be sharing and I don't have a problem with her buying a friend an ice block or something occasionally, I don't think it's fair that she should have to share her money every week.

Yesterday this girl asked her for her change again and when she said no she kept on asking. DD said she kept on nagging and whingeing for half of playtime.

SO my question is - is this just something that happens in the playground all the time or should I speak to the girls mother about it? I know her mum and she is really lovely and I don't think she would like her daughter to be asking for money. But on the other hand i don't want to upset her either. Also i can't speak to the parent of every child who asks my daughter for money either. Maybe we just need to continue as things are with my dd saying no.

So should I say something or let it go? As a parent I know this would upset me but I think I would still rather know then be unaware.

Thanks in advance, sorry this was so long.

I think you actually need to speak to the teacher rather than approach parents. The kids obviously all need to have a little talk about keeping their money to themselves etc and the teacher should be able to handle that within the classroom and perhaps even a note in the class newsletter to let parents knows.
That way it comes from the teacher not you as such.

Yes, as the PP said, speak to the teacher about it and let her sort it out.. If it's not just kids from her class, then take it higher or even better, give the money to the tuckshop as a "tab". I have heard of some schools doing that so it doesn't get "lost" or stolen or "redistributed".

Whilst I think there is cetainly a chance she will be taken advantage of, I think from the sound of it your DD has a beautiful heart. What a nice change for there to be a child who is so generous and thoughtful of others! You have done well with her, obviously.

No advice re the situation, just wanted to say it sounds like you are raising one hell of a good kid.

I agree to have a talk to the teacher, maybe then the teacher could talk to the parent about it IYKWIM?

You definately need to do something though. I went thru a similar situation in primary school with a girl who always asked for my lunch, not all of it just the nice stuff and i would give it to her, not sure why now Anyway this went on for most of primary school. Until my mum wrote a note on the lunch box saying
"This is Rachaels lunch noone is to have any of it!!!" As i had told my mum that i hadnt been able to eat my lunch because this girl wanted it. The girl then found other ways to bully me
Sorry thats probably not what you want to hear, so while i definately think you should go to the teacher be prepared for the other girl to get a bit mad about it all and maybe have a talk to ur DD to prepare her for it?

goodluck let us know what you do.

Rach

I remember at school it use to happen alot. Use to call it "scabbing" Some kids would go around asking - "do you have 10c"....

Sounds like your DD's friend is really trying to take advantage of her generous heart. Good that your DD is sticking to saying no, what a annoying brat pestering her the nagging half of lunch hoping she'd give in.

I agree with all the other PP's, ask the teacher to mention it in class.

Thanks everyone. I really didn't want to approach the mum because she is so nice. Neither of the two girls I mentioned are in dd's class, so I might just let the teacher know and maybe she can arrange for something to be said during school parade as a gentle reminder. I might wait for next term though as the kids will probably forget over the holidays.

Also the school is quite large and I don't think the tuckshop has the "tab" system in place. They did this at dd's last school but she began to think everything she bought was "free" and didn't really learn about "buying" things and how to work out what you can buy with the money you have etc.

Thanks again everyone.

At my childrens school they have a rule that nobody is to ask anybody else for money or to buy them something from the canteen. It is regularly in the newsletter as a reminder and is also regularly announced at announcements so the kids and parents all know.
I have spoken to my DD a few times (and I hope other parents at our school have too) about not giving money away and that it is against the rules for anybody to ask her for any. I don't have a problem if she wants to buy a friend something but I don't want people asking her to buy them stuff or give them money and since this rule has been in place it is not a problem anymore - not for us anyway!

2LF xxxx

Hi

I actually give my DS extra money 50c to $1, so that he can get his mates an icypole. They are only 10c, and I think it's a nice thing he can do for his friends.

It's kind of like buying a round of beer at the pub.

He has come home saying such and such got me an icypole today, so I guess what goes around comes around.

I think teaching children to be generous, provided they can afford to be, is a good quality.

Rach.

workingmumthat is a nice idea, love your analogy

I worked in a canteen with a friend (before kids) and in ours they had a system where if need be, the childs money was kept in a bag with the childs name on it, in the canteen, and only the child could use the money...It worked in most cases, but then again it was only a small school of around 120 kids.

Could work in your DD's case, if the school canteen allows it