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Full Version: WDYT of my stupid DP? (bit long and sensitive)
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Essential Kids > General > What Do You Think?
Essential Kids > General > What Do You Think?
MJ... Mary Jane... marijuana (though that spelling isn't right, either!!)
Oh ok. 
The pot would be making him think of some stupid stuff.
Maybe suggest that you're on meds atm and they are helping, would he like to go to the GP himself if HE IS feeling atm and get some help - not nescessarily medication. GP will sort something out.
QUOTE
I am on anti-depressants atm, and when I first came home with them, he said maybe he should get some too.
Maybe suggest that you're on meds atm and they are helping, would he like to go to the GP himself if HE IS feeling atm and get some help - not nescessarily medication. GP will sort something out.
I'm sorry I keep banging on about him all the time. I must be starting to sound like a broken record, if I'm not already. I can see that this is just going to keep on happening, over and over again. As it has for the past 13 yrs. But he has never done what he did yesterday before. 
If I tell him to get out, he makes excuses and says "soon, soon" and this time he is going to say "So you can be with (his mate)" which of course is a load of baloney. I need a break from this crap Dan, and I need to recover myself.
ETA: Cat, he is so like your Ex but has never hurt the kids. I was insisting he show me a SMS the other week, and he was telling this anonymous mate that he hoped he didn't stop texting him and I knew the rest - he likes making me question him. And that's horrible about bringing on the asthma attacks!
If I tell him to get out, he makes excuses and says "soon, soon" and this time he is going to say "So you can be with (his mate)" which of course is a load of baloney. I need a break from this crap Dan, and I need to recover myself.
ETA: Cat, he is so like your Ex but has never hurt the kids. I was insisting he show me a SMS the other week, and he was telling this anonymous mate that he hoped he didn't stop texting him and I knew the rest - he likes making me question him. And that's horrible about bringing on the asthma attacks!
Sal from what I have known of you on this forum, you are a very lovely person with a great sense of humour, it still is rather a shock to know of what you are living with.
Please don't do this to yourself, you deserve so much better. If you need a support network to help either get him help or get him out etc, a plan of attack, whatever you need, please let this happen.
Mel xx
Please don't do this to yourself, you deserve so much better. If you need a support network to help either get him help or get him out etc, a plan of attack, whatever you need, please let this happen.
Mel xx
Thankyou Mel. 
I just told him he needed help and he shook his head and said that it was ME who needed help, not him.
I said that I am quite rational, thankyou very much. He certainly doesn't see ME doing anything he does, does he think he is the normal one and I am off-balance?!
I just told him he needed help and he shook his head and said that it was ME who needed help, not him.
I said that I am quite rational, thankyou very much. He certainly doesn't see ME doing anything he does, does he think he is the normal one and I am off-balance?!
He has a friend you are not allowed to know about?
What's up with that?
What's up with that?
I have no idea. I keep asking who this person is and he says "He doesn't want anyone to know about him". 
Sal that just proves even more so that he needs help! 
Oh I had to laugh then, no laughing matter I know but have dealt with mental illness from all corners so too familiar most of this!!!!
I'd love to help, not sure what I can do from all the way over here, but let me know if you need me!!!!
Mel xx
P.S Maybe the person is 'Nigel'
Oh I had to laugh then, no laughing matter I know but have dealt with mental illness from all corners so too familiar most of this!!!!
I'd love to help, not sure what I can do from all the way over here, but let me know if you need me!!!!
Mel xx
P.S Maybe the person is 'Nigel'
As an outsider, reading this thread (and I haven't read your past threads, so don't really know any background)...
To me, it sounds like your DH has a drug and mental health problem.
I am not sure how you are putting up with it.
Has this stuff been going on for a long time?
Is there a reason why he won't get help?
Does he think it is normal?
How long do you want to have that sort of stuff going on in your life?
I don't mean in the leave him sort of way, I mean, maybe it really is time that you and he went to see a GP, a counsellor and had a mental health assessment for him.
It may just be the MJ, it might simply be a chemical imbalance.
I hope things get better for you soon.
To me, it sounds like your DH has a drug and mental health problem.
I am not sure how you are putting up with it.
Has this stuff been going on for a long time?
Is there a reason why he won't get help?
Does he think it is normal?
How long do you want to have that sort of stuff going on in your life?
I don't mean in the leave him sort of way, I mean, maybe it really is time that you and he went to see a GP, a counsellor and had a mental health assessment for him.
It may just be the MJ, it might simply be a chemical imbalance.
I hope things get better for you soon.
I have no advice sorry ... but you and your family are in my thoughts ..
PMSL, no, his name is Jack!
So he gave you a name or did he just say 'Lets call this other person Jack?' 
Mel xx
Mel xx
I saw it on his phone - "You have a new message from Jack."
You have no idea how paranoid Jack makes me, keep asking if he is a woman? A criminal? Could be bloody anyone.
You have no idea how paranoid Jack makes me, keep asking if he is a woman? A criminal? Could be bloody anyone.
It's just not normal, sorry.
I would be asking to sit down and have a heart to heart, and get this all out.
Suicide notes, disappearing, mistery friends, MJ smoking.
There is a point when you have to say "No more"
I would be asking to sit down and have a heart to heart, and get this all out.
Suicide notes, disappearing, mistery friends, MJ smoking.
There is a point when you have to say "No more"
Hmmm I would say to him, get some help or p*ss off!
Honestly how do you stay sane - you are a much stronger woman than me.
Maybe he knows that you 'will' always be there, hence why he hasn't been scared into doing something about his issue's. He keeps pushing and pushing trying to find your limits.
Mel xx
The whole way through this thread the one thing that stood out to me was to ask if he was a drug user or not. Funnily enough that was answered for me.
Are you sure its only marijuana he is using? Could he be using something like ICE?
Sounds to me like all his issues are stemming from some long-term drug abuse? How long has he been using marijuana? His behaviour seems erratic, he is dellusional and paranoia has set in. The taking off and threatening suicide are only the tip of the iceberg. (Correct me if I am wrong about long-term drug abuse, I haven't trawled through you other posts sorry).
I think you are in a very difficult position, and he will continue to abuse you emotionally and mentally for as long as you put up with it. He doesn't seem to think there is anything wrong with his behaviour, so I doubt he will do anything to change it.
You may be the one that needs to instigate the change. I am not saying move you and the kids out, but it may need to an option you really consider.
Bottom line is, you shouldn't have to put up with the trauma, and your kids don't need to be subjected to this either.
Good Luck.
Are you sure its only marijuana he is using? Could he be using something like ICE?
Sounds to me like all his issues are stemming from some long-term drug abuse? How long has he been using marijuana? His behaviour seems erratic, he is dellusional and paranoia has set in. The taking off and threatening suicide are only the tip of the iceberg. (Correct me if I am wrong about long-term drug abuse, I haven't trawled through you other posts sorry).
I think you are in a very difficult position, and he will continue to abuse you emotionally and mentally for as long as you put up with it. He doesn't seem to think there is anything wrong with his behaviour, so I doubt he will do anything to change it.
You may be the one that needs to instigate the change. I am not saying move you and the kids out, but it may need to an option you really consider.
Bottom line is, you shouldn't have to put up with the trauma, and your kids don't need to be subjected to this either.
Good Luck.
QUOTE
I think his psychosis is caused by Mary Jane, iykwim?
Sal, if he is a heavy dope smoker and shows no signs of stopping pack his bags and turf him out. A former friend of ours went down this path and the emotional rollercoaster he put his wife and kids through was disgraceful
The kids at a young age both needed therapy to get over all the mental and verbal abuse they copped from their Dad and from watching the horrible crap he put their Mum through...it is so not worth it if he is not willing to get help.I hope this gets sorted soon, thinking of you and your family.
one of you needs to "suck it up" and leave for the sake of the children!
and yes, i have lived with domestic violence.
it got to a point where he would say he is going to kill himself/leave for someone else etc and i would just say "fine, do you need me to pack your stuff?"
Incase you hadnt realised the excuses he gave you were a crock of Sh*t. because not once did he take any responsibility for it, it was all your fault!
YOU dont give him enough sex/intimacy
YOU dont make him feel loved
supposedly his friend is in love with YOU.
blah blah blah . . . .
He needs help, but he's not about to seek any whilst your there sticking by him no matter what he does.
You need to leave for your children because they see this as normal and will look for this in their own relationships
But if you cant do it for them or yourself, do it for him so he can realise something has to change before you go back to him
and yes, i have lived with domestic violence.
it got to a point where he would say he is going to kill himself/leave for someone else etc and i would just say "fine, do you need me to pack your stuff?"
Incase you hadnt realised the excuses he gave you were a crock of Sh*t. because not once did he take any responsibility for it, it was all your fault!
YOU dont give him enough sex/intimacy
YOU dont make him feel loved
supposedly his friend is in love with YOU.
blah blah blah . . . .
He needs help, but he's not about to seek any whilst your there sticking by him no matter what he does.
You need to leave for your children because they see this as normal and will look for this in their own relationships
But if you cant do it for them or yourself, do it for him so he can realise something has to change before you go back to him
((sal))
If you are not ready to do what you know you need to and pack his bags, then you really should get counselling so you at least have some inner resources to deal with all this c**p.
See a psychologist ASAP. If you get a referral from your GP it will cost you very little after the rebate.
Thinking of you,
Cass
If you are not ready to do what you know you need to and pack his bags, then you really should get counselling so you at least have some inner resources to deal with all this c**p.
See a psychologist ASAP. If you get a referral from your GP it will cost you very little after the rebate.
Thinking of you,
Cass
QUOTE
Antisocial Personality Disorder (APD)
The main feature of antisocial personality disorder (APD) is a pattern of complete disregard for the rights of others. It also involves deceit and manipulation. This personality disorder begins in childhood or early adulthood and continues into adulthood. APD was previously known as 'psychopathy' and 'sociopathy'.
For a diagnosis of APD to be made, the individual must be at least 18 years in age, and have had a history of some symptoms of 'Conduct Disorder' before age 15. The behaviours characteristic of conduct disorder fall into the following characteristics: aggression to people and animals; destruction of property; deceitfulness or theft; serious violation of rules.
The main characteristics of antisocial personality disorder are:
Unlawful behaviour - A failure to conform to social norms with resect to lawful behaviour. Persons with APD may repeatedly be involved in actions that are grounds for arrest eg. destroying property, harassing others, stealing, or pursuing illegal occupations.
Deceitful - They tend to have disregard for the wishes, rights and feelings of others. They may also frequently be deceitful and manipulative in order to gain personal profit or pleasure (eg to obtain money, sex or power). They may repeatedly lie, con others or malinger.
Impulsive Behaviour - Because of a failure to plan ahead they may have a tendency for impulsive behaviour. Decisions may be made on the spur of the moment, without forethought, and without consideration to consequences to self or others. This may lead to sudden changes of jobs, residences or relationships.
Irritability & Aggressiveness - Individuals with APD tend to be irritable and aggressive, and may repeatedly get involved in physical fights or assault.
Reckless Behaviour - Individuals with APD may display a disregard for safety of themselves or others. This can be displayed by reckless driving behaviour (recurrent speeding, driving while intoxicated, multiple accidents); involvement in high at risk sexual behaviour; neglect or failing to care for a child in a way that puts the child in danger.
Irresponsible Behaviour - These individuals may also tend to be consistently and extremely irresponsible. Behaviour that is indicative of this may include irresponsible work behaviour, for example long periods of unemployment despite several job opportunities, abandonment of jobs without plan for getting another, repeated absences from work that are not explained. Financial irresponsibility may include acts such as defaulting on debts and failing to provide child support.
Lack of Remorse - Individuals with APD show little remorse for the consequences of their acts. They tend to provide superficial excuses for their actions of having hurt, mistreated or stolen from someone (eg. 'they deserved it'). They may blame the victims of their actions for being foolish, helpless or deserving their fate. They generally fail to correct their wrong actions, or to apologise or show remorse for their behaviour.
The main feature of antisocial personality disorder (APD) is a pattern of complete disregard for the rights of others. It also involves deceit and manipulation. This personality disorder begins in childhood or early adulthood and continues into adulthood. APD was previously known as 'psychopathy' and 'sociopathy'.
For a diagnosis of APD to be made, the individual must be at least 18 years in age, and have had a history of some symptoms of 'Conduct Disorder' before age 15. The behaviours characteristic of conduct disorder fall into the following characteristics: aggression to people and animals; destruction of property; deceitfulness or theft; serious violation of rules.
The main characteristics of antisocial personality disorder are:
Unlawful behaviour - A failure to conform to social norms with resect to lawful behaviour. Persons with APD may repeatedly be involved in actions that are grounds for arrest eg. destroying property, harassing others, stealing, or pursuing illegal occupations.
Deceitful - They tend to have disregard for the wishes, rights and feelings of others. They may also frequently be deceitful and manipulative in order to gain personal profit or pleasure (eg to obtain money, sex or power). They may repeatedly lie, con others or malinger.
Impulsive Behaviour - Because of a failure to plan ahead they may have a tendency for impulsive behaviour. Decisions may be made on the spur of the moment, without forethought, and without consideration to consequences to self or others. This may lead to sudden changes of jobs, residences or relationships.
Irritability & Aggressiveness - Individuals with APD tend to be irritable and aggressive, and may repeatedly get involved in physical fights or assault.
Reckless Behaviour - Individuals with APD may display a disregard for safety of themselves or others. This can be displayed by reckless driving behaviour (recurrent speeding, driving while intoxicated, multiple accidents); involvement in high at risk sexual behaviour; neglect or failing to care for a child in a way that puts the child in danger.
Irresponsible Behaviour - These individuals may also tend to be consistently and extremely irresponsible. Behaviour that is indicative of this may include irresponsible work behaviour, for example long periods of unemployment despite several job opportunities, abandonment of jobs without plan for getting another, repeated absences from work that are not explained. Financial irresponsibility may include acts such as defaulting on debts and failing to provide child support.
Lack of Remorse - Individuals with APD show little remorse for the consequences of their acts. They tend to provide superficial excuses for their actions of having hurt, mistreated or stolen from someone (eg. 'they deserved it'). They may blame the victims of their actions for being foolish, helpless or deserving their fate. They generally fail to correct their wrong actions, or to apologise or show remorse for their behaviour.
Link: http://www.mentalhealth.asn.au/resources/p...y_disorders.htm
And the unfortunate part of alot of mental illnesses is characteristics of the illness makes it impossible to see they have a problem and/or accept help or seek treatment.
BTW, how would he react if he happened to see this thread?
And do you think his texting may be a reaction to your time on EB... not saying you are on here alot, or that you don't have a right to be, just maybe he feels jealous of you being on EB (getting support, venting) and feels left out?? ETA and his personality (disorder, or not) makes him react in an irrational, manipulative way about it?
As a sober woman, I am disgusted by your partner's behaviour. As a previously practising alcoholic I am ashamed and disgusted to admit that I used to put my partner through similar situations in the midst of alcohol-fueled episodes.
I am getting help. I love AA and hope never to return to my previous 'life' and put my partner through that hell again.
I really feel for you Sal.
I am getting help. I love AA and hope never to return to my previous 'life' and put my partner through that hell again.
I really feel for you Sal.
I totally agree with what TheClampetts and chook*and*rats*mama said. Couldn't have said it better myself.
Jackie
Jackie
Just replyiing quickly to let you know I have read your replies, and thanks.
I have told him I can't and won't take this sh*t anymore.
He said he knows what he did was wrong.
And guess what, the mate who has a crush on me, his sister has just run away from home. So DP is seeing first hand what he put me through yesterday, though the circumstances are different, he is seeing the worry caused by not knowing where someone is and if they're OK.
I will be back tomorrow.
You all rock.
I have told him I can't and won't take this sh*t anymore.
He said he knows what he did was wrong.
And guess what, the mate who has a crush on me, his sister has just run away from home. So DP is seeing first hand what he put me through yesterday, though the circumstances are different, he is seeing the worry caused by not knowing where someone is and if they're OK.
I will be back tomorrow.
You all rock.
~no
Hey Sal! I'm here on MSN if you need me!! So sory you're giong through this!
Kate
Kate
Was he on the wacky weed when this happened or hadn't had his "fix" for the day? One of my exes was like that if he didn't have it. Thankfully I had great friends who witnessed some things and got me out of there. I tried many times on my own but he threatened to take his life and mine.
Is he willing to quit? Is he willing to get some help?
There is only so much you can take and only so much you can do. He needs to fix this himself and hopefully the thought of losing his family is enough to make him wake up to himself.
You deserve a life of happiness, love and respect. It doesn't sound as though he is giving you this.
Is he willing to quit? Is he willing to get some help?
There is only so much you can take and only so much you can do. He needs to fix this himself and hopefully the thought of losing his family is enough to make him wake up to himself.
You deserve a life of happiness, love and respect. It doesn't sound as though he is giving you this.
"Jack" is probably his drug dealer. Whatever it is, it isn't acceptable.
No part of him or his life should be unreachable to you.
I agree that he is probably going through some kind of drug induced psychosis.
He needs help, and you need to guide him there. Things can't stay as they are.
No part of him or his life should be unreachable to you.
I agree that he is probably going through some kind of drug induced psychosis.
He needs help, and you need to guide him there. Things can't stay as they are.
This may be a bit out there but do you think he may be questioning his sexuality and he is having an affair with "Jack". I would put up with the suicide attempts but to me the texting and secrets are worse. Another theory is the best mate's sister and your DH are having the affair and yesterday he was going to run off with her but then changed his mind so now she is trying to scare him. I think something is very suss and hope you sort this out as you are certainly suffering emotional abuse you poor thing. Stay strong ad all the best
Sal My offer from last time still sits..
Sal I just wanted to see how you are todya?
shell
Sal I just wanted to see how you are todya?
shell
Hi,
Thanks for your replies.
I have told him he HAS to leave, he wants to know WHY?!!! I said for the kids' sake, not mine, I don't care about me but I do care about what he is exposing them to. I am firmly standing my ground!! I am not budging this time, if he doesn't get out I will and I will take the kids.
It turns out that Jack has moved to WA, at least that's what he says.
I was also questioning whether he was having an affair with Jack.
Thanks for your replies.
I have told him he HAS to leave, he wants to know WHY?!!!
I said for the kids' sake, not mine, I don't care about me but I do care about what he is exposing them to. I am firmly standing my ground!! I am not budging this time, if he doesn't get out I will and I will take the kids. It turns out that Jack has moved to WA, at least that's what he says.
I was also questioning whether he was having an affair with Jack.
Hi Sal,
Good on you for standing up for yourself and your babies.
If he won't leave, and you need help getting out, there are many services available, and lots of people who would be willing to lend a hand.
Cass
Good on you for standing up for yourself and your babies.
If he won't leave, and you need help getting out, there are many services available, and lots of people who would be willing to lend a hand.
Cass
I'm thinking of you Sal and wish you strength to get through this.
I also am sending you some inner strength and wishing this all goes well for you.
If he pleads with you, and says he'll change (I have an alcoholic FIL) and you want to believe him, tell him he still has to move out and when he can show you he is getting help, has changed and is sticking with it, then maybe you two can start working on it again...
BTW, Jack could actually be a Jackie... and if it is someone he has been or is cheating on you with, then I wouldn't ever accept him back!
Good luck...
If he pleads with you, and says he'll change (I have an alcoholic FIL) and you want to believe him, tell him he still has to move out and when he can show you he is getting help, has changed and is sticking with it, then maybe you two can start working on it again...
BTW, Jack could actually be a Jackie... and if it is someone he has been or is cheating on you with, then I wouldn't ever accept him back!
Good luck...
I have managed to ascertain that Jack was a drug dealer.
Explains the secrecy, and yes I was calling him Jackie also..gif)
I mean, what man texts a man compulsively and takes off to his house for hours on end???
Explains the secrecy, and yes I was calling him Jackie also.
I mean, what man texts a man compulsively and takes off to his house for hours on end???
QUOTE
I have managed to ascertain that Jack was a drug dealer.
I thought so. And what worries me is in this day of hydroponic weed, it can be as deadly and dangerous as ice or smack or crack......... And if he really lost it you and the kids are in the direct line of fire (how many tragedies have we seen in the media where people who know the perpetrator say "oh, we never thought he'd do this!"
).Stick to your guns Sal - get him out and change all locks!
Wow what trip ahead you have. I admire your strength to move on and congratulate making this decision for you and the children
You know what? I am actually looking forward to it.
He has written me a note saying he will stay in town and if he can get some of my trust back, he wants to have another go. I will tell him he needs to give up the MJ first too.
Yesterday he was asking if I had met someone else? Yeah, right!
He has written me a note saying he will stay in town and if he can get some of my trust back, he wants to have another go. I will tell him he needs to give up the MJ first too.
Yesterday he was asking if I had met someone else? Yeah, right!
Hey there Sal,
What a time you're going through! Good on you for drawing that line, and saying enough is enough. I'm not surprised to hear you're looking forward to what's ahead - after what you've been living with it must feel like a breath of fresh air to finally have things out in the open and being dealt with. Hold onto that feeling - even write yourself a reminder note to read next time you question what you're doing You can be strong, you've just proved that to yourself.
I'd strongly recommend you get hold of a good counsellor for yourself. You're going to be questioning yourself and your relationship a lot in the next few months, as well as dealing with your children's feelings (which will probably include anger at you for making him leave, and clinginess to you, worried that you might leave too, and just about everything in between!). Having an uninvolved third party will help you go through things more clearly.
It might take a few goes to find the right counsellor too - sooner or later you'll find someone who you 'click' with, who can help you sort out your exact thoughts and feelings.
Gotta go, but I wish you the very, very best!
What a time you're going through! Good on you for drawing that line, and saying enough is enough. I'm not surprised to hear you're looking forward to what's ahead - after what you've been living with it must feel like a breath of fresh air to finally have things out in the open and being dealt with. Hold onto that feeling - even write yourself a reminder note to read next time you question what you're doing
You can be strong, you've just proved that to yourself.I'd strongly recommend you get hold of a good counsellor for yourself. You're going to be questioning yourself and your relationship a lot in the next few months, as well as dealing with your children's feelings (which will probably include anger at you for making him leave, and clinginess to you, worried that you might leave too, and just about everything in between!). Having an uninvolved third party will help you go through things more clearly.
It might take a few goes to find the right counsellor too - sooner or later you'll find someone who you 'click' with, who can help you sort out your exact thoughts and feelings.
Gotta go, but I wish you the very, very best!
Thankyou Zoe!!
Just had a thought - is this a stupid thing to do while I have cancer (though I am in full remission and feeling totally fine)?
Just had a thought - is this a stupid thing to do while I have cancer (though I am in full remission and feeling totally fine)?
Not stupid at all!
It might even make you push harder - after all, we all know we only have this one life, to make of what we will. It really raises the question: why waste opportunities? Why spend what we have just holding things together, or wishing they'd improve?
We both know how precious our health is, and how quickly it can change. We can't assume we have forever - the only guarantee is that we'll have today
Dare I say it: seize the day!
It might even make you push harder - after all, we all know we only have this one life, to make of what we will. It really raises the question: why waste opportunities? Why spend what we have just holding things together, or wishing they'd improve?
We both know how precious our health is, and how quickly it can change. We can't assume we have forever - the only guarantee is that we'll have today
Dare I say it: seize the day!
LOL, I was thinking of that saying too, Zoe!! 
Isn't it Carpe Diem in some other language? 
Thanks for your advice, it is very true and very useful and it means bucketloads!
Isn't it Carpe Diem in some other language? Thanks for your advice, it is very true and very useful and it means bucketloads!
Hey Sal,
Just wanted to say well done for having the guts to stand up to him. You've done the right thing. You know where I am if you need anything, even if it is just a chat on messenger.
Good luck with the days to come.
Nerida
Just wanted to say well done for having the guts to stand up to him. You've done the right thing. You know where I am if you need anything, even if it is just a chat on messenger.
Good luck with the days to come.
Nerida
QUOTE
Just had a thought - is this a stupid thing to do while I have cancer (though I am in full remission and feeling totally fine
Not at all, if anything Sal you have to grab life by the proverbial and make it great, you can't do that while he is playing head games basically making your life miserable.You are a gorgeous woman and deserve to be happy, if he isn't willing to give up a drug and give all of himself to you and your children, you are better off without him.
Oh Sal,
I don't know you but have just read this thread and have to say that you are incredibly brave and strong and your children will thank you one day.
You are giving not only them but yourself as well, a fantastic new start.
Best of luck!
Seize the day!!!!
Selina
I don't know you but have just read this thread and have to say that you are incredibly brave and strong and your children will thank you one day.
You are giving not only them but yourself as well, a fantastic new start.
Best of luck!
Seize the day!!!!
Selina
QUOTE
Just had a thought - is this a stupid thing to do while I have cancer (though I am in full remission and feeling totally fine
Sal its nto stupid at all to do this infact . Good on you hun for doing what is best for oyur children and for yourself..
you made a decision that was based on that goodon you hun..
You are alot stronger than what you give yourself credit for iykwim
PM me if you want to chat on msn or over the phone
HUN yshell
Sal, I don't know you either, but wow you are strong and courageous! Well done for making the only decision you really could given the circumstances.
We don't always have the luxury of mentally stable parents - so long as one is willing to seek answers however, children stand a better chance of breaking the cycle.
Both my parents had mental health issues, only didn't realise it when we were young. My father left and continued down his road of self-destruction and my mother attempted to find better answers. She too had issues I watched her deal with and suffered at the hands of occassionally also.
What made the difference to me in the end is seeing there is always another way than the same destructive course. My mother may not have been mentally well enough not to effect me in some regards, but she did at least demonstrate the tenacity to seek answers and help.
The best thing you can do is change course for your children's sakes. It would be nice to think you could be a family again, but sadly it sounds like his drug-life has taken a hold of him. This will effect the children if they aren't taken away from it and shown another way of living.
My mother came through the other end and is still seeking answers. She's one of my greatest role models, I really admire her strength to make the tough decisions when it mattered. I probably wouldn't be the person I am today if she hadn't.
What decisions you will have to make in future will be incredibly difficult - but know that you are making them for the right reasons.
All the best.
Both my parents had mental health issues, only didn't realise it when we were young. My father left and continued down his road of self-destruction and my mother attempted to find better answers. She too had issues I watched her deal with and suffered at the hands of occassionally also.
What made the difference to me in the end is seeing there is always another way than the same destructive course. My mother may not have been mentally well enough not to effect me in some regards, but she did at least demonstrate the tenacity to seek answers and help.
The best thing you can do is change course for your children's sakes. It would be nice to think you could be a family again, but sadly it sounds like his drug-life has taken a hold of him. This will effect the children if they aren't taken away from it and shown another way of living.
My mother came through the other end and is still seeking answers. She's one of my greatest role models, I really admire her strength to make the tough decisions when it mattered. I probably wouldn't be the person I am today if she hadn't.
What decisions you will have to make in future will be incredibly difficult - but know that you are making them for the right reasons.
All the best.
Darling Sally,
No way! Think it of as getting rid of one big cancer
Just wanted to check in on how you're doing.
xxx
QUOTE
Just had a thought - is this a stupid thing to do while I have cancer (though I am in full remission and feeling totally fine)?
No way! Think it of as getting rid of one big cancer
Just wanted to check in on how you're doing.
xxx
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