I don't know your history, but just in what you wrote in the OP it didn't sit right with me - he sounds like a completely *&^%

CJ with absolute respect to you and your family your sister threatened, but then she attempted didn't she? So really it was a threat she seriously considered/did carry out.

This man requires professional help, not people saying he is a prick and that's it. There is obviously more to it than that, it goes deeper.

I agree it needs follow-up, but where there is an abusive dependant relationship I think that help needs to come from somewhere else. Professional help.

which is what we are saying. Calling him names wont help, he has issues whether they be drug issues or mental illness that needs immediate action or one of his kids will come home one day to find him dead.

I cant stand people that play mind games.

I dont know a lot about whats going on between you and your husband the past year but if he is playing games like that then pack his bags.

Sorry OP, but I read your original post and thought "wtf is she doing, get out there!" I did not go looking through your old posts.

I am sorry you are in this position, you are not to blame for your DPs state of mind or his attitude. But I, like hundreds of people on the EB, are not following your story, and do not know the history, only your post. I am sorry if I offended you, I truly think that all suicide threats should be taken seriously. This is from personal experience.

He may require help, he may be "unhelpable", but it doesn't excuse his revolting and manipulative behaviour. I'd hazard a guess and say he was suffering from a fairly nasty personality disorder and this will negatively impact on your children for years to come. I hope you can get the help you need.

Well, I am glad that you didn't have to deal with his suicide, thought it still sounds like you have been through alot. I hope you can sort it out, and if he isn't open to counselling about this sort of behaviour, maybe you are? Good luck...

http://www.mentalhealth.asn.au/resources/p...y_disorders.htm

I didn't think calling him a name would help, I still think it though.

Agree. To all the judge judies out there, many of you have no idea what Sally's been through over the past 12+ months.

Sal, if there is ANYTHING I can do, please let me know.

xxx Ellie

Certainly sounds like this man is getting all sorts of awful comments about him, all of which in my opinion are not needed. I don't know Sal's history, as many other members, i'm sure. But, he sounds like a man in trouble and the people who are close to him leaving him alone is definately not what he needs. He needs people to help him, professionally and otherwise.

It is very hard for us to answer a WDYT question when we don't know anything about this person. My only advice would be, get professional help for him, Sal. I'm sorry you are going through this.



And to be fair on us, how are we really meant to?

OK now I know how EB works. The pains in the ar$es who know nothing about your world have come in ready to rip your head off for diving on the computer and 'venting' rather than running out doing the dutiful wifey bit.....tell 'em to swivel! Sure we all say things we regret but I sure haven't been with that bloke of yours so not my place to say what I would and would not say though.

PLEASE come back even though you probably feel you'll get a caning for being "back on the net" when you should be tearing your hair out. I don't doubt with the kids you have and their ages they are where they should be right now and that's at home in the beds rather than in the back of the car driving around aimlessly.... maybe being at home and not letting them know too much is a better idea anyway.


Don't let the knockers get you down - most of them see it as a sport ~~ just don't let them get you down, and don't let them drive you off EB because they think you should be handling it all very differently. Pffft to them.

Dani get over yourself ***!! People are coming back apologising and offering support to the OP now. Not everyone is on EB 24 hours 7 days a weeks and knows everything about each and every poster!
People responded to the ORIGINAL POST!! Not 12 months worth of posts.

What?
If some of us know 'nothing' and are just replying for 'fun' and can't possibly undertsand unless we've been there, then why would someone post on EB in the WDYT section????????

If this is the case, then maybe you should recommend the OP to go to a support group where people do know and can support her. Maybe suggest that she PM the people on EB that do know her story and will support her (not offer an opinion you think she doesn't want to hear).

Sometmes the people who don't know the story can offer advice or support without bias, or maybe help the OP see things from a different perspective!
Who is driving anyone anywhere?

Sal, I'm so glad that he is home. I hope you all can get the help you so desperately need. You know where I am if you need anything, ok?

To the OP > Hope you can work something out to help your family - doesn't sound good atm

My whole post read:

Sal how horrible

I think I may PM you, have not read all the thread but don't think I want to.

Mel xx

not worth it

Sal i'm so glad he is home and safe. It must be so hard for you having to deal with the emotional sh!t he puts you through.
Is he open to receiving help? he certainly needs some sort of mental help for his sake but also for you and the kids, you can't keep living like this.
Take care sweety xxx

So glad to he's home safe but what a sh*thead playing games with you like that

He needs professional help for sure.

He sounds like a child.



Nice. What if one of your children had read it?

Problems aside, that is an incredibly stupid and irresponsible thing to do and I'd be kicking his a*se from here to Sunda.

http://www.beyondblue.org.au

&

http://www.mentalhealth.asn.au/resources/f..._with_mi%20.pdf

Mel xx

i'm sorry i only read the thread to the point where you found your DH.

I really think that he is going through some problems and to put you through the emotional stress of the stunt he pulled, demonstrates it, but he also sounds really selfish!

maybe sitting down and talking to him, or even better still, write him a letter offering your help and also more importantly your feelings as to how his actions have been effecting you and your children. but do so from an open hearted, loving point of view. letter's offer the benefit of being non-confrontational, and allow you to fully express your feelings, which can help in these instances

Sal, I hope you are okay and I am thinking of you

If her DP has a mental illness, which sounds like he does, then he is not being selfish or childish, far from it.

On the surface yes, to those who function correctly, those without a mental illness etc but honestly, if the relationship deserves to be saved then it needs to be looked into and he needs help.

Sal is the only person who knows if she can be there for him through this or she cannot.

I wish her well, it won't be easy.

Mel xx

I don't think he has a mental illness i think he is extremly manipulative and knows exactly what things to say which will hurt you the most and get pleasure knowing that you are hurting. That's just my opinion and my advice to you is offer him a ultimatum GET HELP OR GET OUT..

if he ever threatens suicide again get him committed, that way if he really is depressed he has proper care and if he is jsut being a w*n*er which i personally think he is he will learn his leasson (you would hope)..

I would take his actions very seriously. He does need help. This is not healthy behaviour and you cannot ignore those sort of warning signs - suicide is very real a does happen. Have a talk to him, see how he is feeling, ask if he thinks he could be depressed, let him know you (love if you do) and care for him and you are there and you really want him to see a counsellor and talk about why he feels and is behaving this way.



That is not a joke. Look into getting him professional help ASAP

So you think that a person who is functioning correctly would act like this?

Maybe you need to check out the Beyond Blue website

What he is doing is ringing huge alarm bells in the 'mental illness' catagory...

Mel xx

Really.. who knows whether its all just an act or not!!..I guess only Sal would know, but in saying that, a person that enjoys manipulating another person emotionally isnt always mentally ill either.

I don't think he is thinking rationally at all.



Agree 100%

My dads bestfriend appartently would "talk" to his wife about killing himself, and you know what, he did. How many clues for a cry for help must a person leave? Checkout beyond blue -

forward on your OP to them in a email and ask them what to do and WDTT. You wont get a good answer here on Essential Baby. That would of been my first port of call, not on here.

Yes not everyone is lucky to have heaps of warnings leading up to suicide...

One of my friends was exactly the same, people would go 'oh she always tries to kill herself, but it's not for real, she always makes sure people can find her, she just does it for attention etc etc'

Nobody took her cries for help seriously.

I was unfortunately at her funeral 5yrs ago.

Mel xx

As someone who had my ex do the same thing over and over, I totally understand the "so do it then". I don't know how many times I was in tears, calling around and finding him, calling his parents, calling his friends, until I eventually said "well do it and stop calling me and telling me about it". He hasn't. He just wanted to freak me out.

You can only take so much before you hit breaking point. Living with someone with a mental illness is tiring, heartbreaking and so damn hard. It messes with your state of mine. It is emotional abuse. OP, you have my deepest sympathies. He needs to do something about his state of mind, because you can't handle this forever.

I understand both sides, that is why I am hoping that they both get help if they want the relationship to work.

Mel xx

I don't know you, or your history.

I just wanted to say that I'm sorry for what you're going through

No-one deserves to be the victim of emotional mindgames.

Sal Im glad that he came home what a relief.

IM really sorry what you have been going through

anyway I just wanted to wish you both well


shell

Sorry to hear what guys are going through!
I don't know your situation but Has your husband seeked professional help? Maybe you both need to go to see someone and have a chat with a therapist.

I hope whatever he is going though it sorts out.

Sal, am glad he came home and is alright. Honestly though, from your first post so many things jumped out at me screaming mental illness that it wasn't funny.

They do that you know, and you live day in day out just wondering what tomorrow will bring or what the next threat will bring - will he follow through or won't he?

Even if it justs starts with dragging him along to his GP, do that. The GP can get the ball rolling and provide your DH with appropriate referrals. At the very least he can do some tests to assess whether there is any clinical depression or other form of mental illness that needs to be explored further.

I know what you are going through. You seem to have a few people that you can talk with here, but if you'd like to please add me on to your list. Take care and stay strong...

Thanks for all your replies - even the "knockers", I didn't see you as knocking me and I'm sorry I put the rant smiley in my last post.

It turns out that he just wanted more affection from me, ie sex. But how I am supposed to feel attracted to him, I just don't know.... but he drove me batty constantly texting people and not telling me what he was up to or where he was going. He has this mate who I am not allowed to know about which has made me so paranoid.

He also found out one of his mates has a huge crush on me and that made him feel like sh*t. His mate is the only one who replies to my texts and I had no idea how he felt until now. So that's why he went off the deep end yesterday.

He questioned why I went to the police, said his note wasn't finished.

I am so confused, part of me wants to turf his a*se out.

But thanks for all the support and all the PMs, hey. And all your posts do mean something to me.

Sounds like the texting was meant to make you jealous...

And he might have been a bit embarrassed about the note (esp. that it made you call the police), and you know some men show embarrassment by acting grumpy...

Only you can decide what to do, but some counselling to learn how to communicate with each other might help...

Good luck...

I'm so sorry he's putting you through this. I hope you don't mind, but I read a few of your posts from the past couple of years (just to get an idea of background, so I have a better understanding) and it sounds like he's put you through so much. I do have a clearer understanding of your frustration from your first post now. He sounds like a very jealous person and takes out his frustration on you. Would he see a marriage councellor with you at all?

Oh, just wanted to add, coming from my own experiences...

Maybe he was having a mental crisis (related to a mental illness, or a personality trait) and his feelings were out of control and he did what he could to get your attention AND now feels embarrassed and played it down by saying it was about 'sex', as this would seem a more 'normal' thing for a guy to be upset about???

It's hard for people to admit to feeling out of control with their emotions, feelings and rationality, esp. men, in our socity. Not saying that you should be putting up with any of it, or that it's up to you to sort him out, but if someone could talk to him about what's going on in his brain, get him to understand that getting help is nothing to be embarrassed about and sometimes taking medication is simply to correct brain chemical imbalances, and does not make him crazy!

Or he could just be an a*se, who'll never change and you'll have to deal with you instead... sorry to keep adding things, but I feel for both of you, having been through this sort of stuff before and hope you can get through it.

I highly doubt he would see a counsellor.

I am on anti-depressants atm, and when I first came home with them, he said maybe he should get some too.

I think his psychosis is caused by Mary Jane, iykwim?

Yes, I am a doofus for putting up with this. But honestly see no way out other than to just ride through his moods and try to keep it all together.

You are NOT a doofus... this is a hard situation and you cn only do the best you can. To quote a rather famous TV host 'when you know better, you can do better '... you can only handle it the best way you can, and try to learn ways to handle it better...

Can you try approaching him when he is in a rational, non MJ affected way??? There has to be a website or a brochure, or write a letter like a PP suggested... start with a small, non combative message....

I am sorry that you are going through this, you both need to speak to someone. If he won't go how about something over the phone to start with?
WTF not allowed, You are his wife/partner. There is no way that DP would have a friend that i wasn't allowed to know about, fair enough don't know everyone that he speaks to but we don't hide anything either.

There are no words. Really. I çan't decide whether you're amazing for staying with him or stupid. All I do know is that I'm sorry he did this to you and put you through so much.

Take care of yourself.

Sounds like he needs his nappy changed.

He got upset and carried on like that simply because one of his mates thinks you're a bit of alright and because he was in need of affection and wasnt getting it?

Doesnt he realise that acting like a complete tool, as he has done, and causing you all this worry for nothing would make him more unattractive to you?!

You have far far more patience than me, once someone starts playing little mind games with me, its all over red rover!

You're trying to raise four kids and keep it together with a drug addicted husband. I feel for you.

Ban the MJ and if he refuses - well it's obviously more important than you or the kids, and it sounds like he's heading into MJ induced psychosis. Do you really want yourself and your kids around to see the full effects of this?

Why not get him busted for the drug use? That might thump some sense into him AND perhaps get him into a therapy/rehab program that can help him.

What's MJ?

I wonder what sort of impact this is having on your children?

I have read your posts before Sal and it seems to be a continuing pattern of behaviour.

I kind of understand why you put up with his behaviour but on the same token that is why I would be kicking his a*se to the curb.

What has to happen before you realise this Sal?

I think you are stronger than you give yourself credit for. Do something now for yours and your childrens sake.