Hi,

I have a friend I have known for 40 years, when we lived in the same state we were like sisters, we went everywhere together.

Since we moved interstate we have been penpals, but the last 8 years or so have been harder to stay in touch. Time just ticks by so quick for us both I guess. We went over there to visit her and she came to visit us too.

We both have families of our own, and our lives are both very busy with full time working DH's.

The last 2 years I have been trying to contact her, I have text messaged her, wrote snail mail and emailed her (though her internet has always been iffy) but I haven't received any contact from her in the last year. But today I got a Christmas Card with no note nothing.....I was hoping she might have said how they were going, etc etc....but nothing.

I'd like to continue to contact her, but I don't know what to say or how to word it. I was going to send a letter, but wanted ideas on what to say without getting upset about her not saying anything.....

Should I just blurt it out and say what I feel?
Should I be diplomatic?
Or Should I just let it go?

Lynn

You have been friends for a long time, I think you should tell her how you really felt when you haven't heard from her in a year, and then get a card that doesn't say anything.

I would try and be nice about it but just explain how it did hurt you ect.

Maybe she's had something happened to her that she doesn't feel ready to share with you or something, you never know.

Have you tried calling her on the telephone? That mode of contact for some reason seems to have become obsolete. At least if you actually talk to her, you might be able to work out if she WANTS to talk to you.

The reason I can't talk on the phone is I have a phobia, and just can't talk that way. Any other contact is fine, and yes she knows this.

Ok I'll write a letter and see if she writes back. I wondered if her mobile number had changed as I never got replies through texting, though I know she does contact this way.

I'm just trying to imagine all the reasons why

Lynn

Id write her a letter, updating her on what you have all been up to, filling her in on your past year.
I would let her know that you are feeling a bit sad that you both have been so busy and let your relationship slide, and that you would love to keep in contact more regularly. Id try this approach before saying anything more.If you dont get any reply then id probably outright ask her if there is any reason that she doesnt seem to want to keep in touch...

i dont want to sound mean or uncaring but perhaps she has just moved on?? :xmas_sad:
Maybe write a family newsletter to her in your return christmas card? And add a personal note how you've missed her and the friendship as PP have mentioned?

Maybe she has moved on. I think it's time that you did too. Don't worry it happens.

Just let it go. Maybe she is going to be a Christmas card only friend.

why would she send a card if she has moved on?

Lynn, so you never talk on the phone? Never heard of anyone having phone phobia. Anyway I hope you get it sorted, a 40 year friendship is a huge thing to lose.

If you write her a letter you should mention you have sent her a few text messages but have never had a reply and you're wondering whether she's changed her number.

If you've done snail mail before and it was ignored, what will change with this letter?

I don't know, I think if I were you, I would try my hardest to make one phone call to her. The friendship has to be worth that and she (knowing your phobia) would probably appreciate your effort. It might encourage her to tell you what's been going on as all other forms of contact have been ignored.
Even if you got someone else to dial and then put you on the phone once she's answered if that's easier for you.

Its not a phone phobia, its Social Phobia, which means talking to people, strangers scare the crap out of me, and I hate talking to anyone, even friends and family. I am getting better at talking to DD over the phone, I have caller ID so when its her I answer. She's the only one so far I can talk to this way, besides DH of course. Everyone else just emails or texts me.

I have written her a 3 page letter, explaining everything that has happened in the last year, also asking after her and her family. I also explained I have tried to contact her and I had not received any replies, and wondering if she had moved or anything and hoping everything was OK. I have given her my email addy and mobile phone number in case she had forgotten them. And that I was hoping to hear from her soon, as I had missed her a lot.

I just hope she replies, if she doesn't I'll move on :xmas_closedeyes: too.

Lynn

Hmm, I think life just gets busy, especially at this time of year. She may have just sent a card thinking, at least its something, and meaning to write soem more to you when she gets a chance. I think you've done what you can do and the ball is in her court. But her silence may not be lack of interest, I think it is more likely just being busy!

Sue