Hi all

I am just wondering if anyone would be interested in this sort of a group.

My idea for it would be it being for support of members who have been TTC'ing for a longish time (that time to be determined by members) regardless of the way they are TTC'ing (ie those using assisted conception etc) or the number (ie whether TTC for #1 or #5 etc).

I just feel it might be an idea to have a place for longer term members of this area to hang out and discuss the emotions, issues etc that you may be feeling that others are not (or are but not as strongly).

Anyway hope I have explained it properly but please let me know your thoughts as I know there are a few longer term members out there or some struggling with the emotions of it.

This is not meant to say TTC'ing generally is not tough I do not mean that just that as the journey lengthens issues/feelings may do the same.

Please post if you would be interested in such a group.

Regards

Ali

Hiya,

I think its a great idea. I still 'hang out' in the SMEP buddy group cause I love the gals there (even though I shouldn't be there as we have been diagnosed with MFI and have been undergoing IVF for the last 6 months).

The problem is, that most of the original group have graduated, but there are still a few of us 'long timers' in there. While new members are always welcome (so please come and join us), however as the SMEP seems to have quite a good success rate, often new members get a BFP on their first month. This is hard for the original members. (I'm one of them, so feel qualified to be able to say this)

I'm sure we are not the first buddy group to have this issue!!

However, I guess the same thing would happen if you started a 'long term' TTC buddy group though, as (hopefully) members would get a BFP. So its not a sure way of fixing this problem. I don't want to offend anyone, but it is hard when someone gets a BFP in the first month or two or even three or trying, especially when you have been trying for several years!

The hard thing would be defining what a 'long time' is. I'm sure there is lots of different opinions out there. My friend who was trying for "ages" and "knows how hard and stressful TTC it is" was telling me that after she "relaxed" it happened. And maybe I should "relax" as well. She fell pregnant in her third month of trying.

What I am trying to say is that time is relative. What seems like a long time for some people is noting in comparison to other people.

Anyway, after all that waffling, I guess I am trying to say that yes, its a great idea, and I would love to join!

Thanks

Hi guys!

Puddycat forwarded this onto me, and I really like the idea too!:) hope we can start one:)

I'm sort of in the same boat as Puddycat. Been hanging around SMEP thread as it is a fantastic thread, and all the ladies are lovely, although because of my stupid irregular cycles and DH working away and his work roster I don't get to follow the plan. We're also in the process of getting things sorted for the possibility to start assisted conception, which would rule me completely out of SMEP thread.

I guess one of the main reasons I"ve stuck with the SMEP thread is that there are some of us who have been together from just about the beginning (or close to it) of our journey's of TTC, or at least for nearly 2 years and are still there. We have stuck by each other and understand what each of us is going through, the emotions that highened with each cycle that pass and no bfp, then the disappointing, shocking and sometimes unexpected news of diagnoised fertility issues.

I also agree with puddycat in that it is going to be hard to determine what 'long term is', however, I personally think it isn't 3 or 6 months, perhaps not even 12 months, espically considering that medical professionals don't have alarm bells ring until after this point for a normal healthy couple.

Not sure what I've said is the right thing to say in here, but is my way of saying I love the idea and would be great to be in another group who can give the same support to each other as us 'long termers' in the SMEP thread have given each other.

my last post didnt save.. user error!

I think this is a great idea and fully support it.. the girls above have covered the key points

sometimes i feel really lost.. like i dont 'fit' anywhere so this would be lovely

Ali,
What I think is really important within a new 'TTC for Longer BG' is the need for total support, empathy and hope for the future. Since I started TTC in Sept 2008 and I've gone through loss(es?) so I could qualify for other BGs, but haven't wanted to join some of them as they either provided intermittent support (e.g. there wasn't many posters posting regularly) or the feel of the group had become angry and negative (sorry if I have offended anyone). Don't get me wrong there are some days where I am sad and disillusioned, but I and with the support of the lovely SMEP ladies, pull myself into a positive state. I noticed that in the 'TTCOM BG' there is a message stating that this BG is a place, "where we always respect each others opinions". I think that type of message is really important as TTC for ages is hard enough without having to deal with negativity and any b!tchiness from fellow BG members. I think that the other posters have said this is important in their own way as they all said that the reason they stay in SMEP is because of the lovely support from the SMEP BG.
So, yes I'd love to join as long as the group stayed supportive and nice to fellow members. As for how long, it is really hard to put a time frame on it, but definitely over 12 months or perhaps 18 months as there is already a TTC for 12 months or longer group.
Thanks for raising the issue,
Lou

Thanks girls.

I am not even sure I have described it correctly so long term part etc was just how I was trying to describe it. I guess it is for those who do not feel they fit in their current group as I have noticed a few members who may be have been posting in a certain group for a long time (as previous members here have mentioned) and may be feeling like they don't fit or are the only ones left sort of thing.

I am not saying you have to move from current groups or anything like that just to give members a place to chat about issues not affect newer members to the TTC journey yet.

You all seem to be on the right track as to what I was meaning though.

How about we keep this thread going and you all chat (and please if anyone is reading and feels this is for them post and say hi) and we can take things as they come so post and say hi and mention your situations as I don't want members to be put off by the time frame side of it if the feelings and emotions are happening iykwim.

Thanks girls for posting and I truly hope the start of a new thread is also an omen for some BFP's for you all as well.

Ali

Surely we four aren't the only ones that have been TTC for a long time? What about those in the TTC ongoing thread? I think there are a few in there who are struggling?


Please......to anyone else out there reading this........dont let the fact that the above 4 replies seem to only be from the SMEP buddy group. It really is a great plan, and we have had so so many successes. Please feel free to join the group at any time. You are more than welcome.

Hi!



Yeah you are right there are a few of us who are struggling, but most of us post in the Grads and Friends BG now. I might mention this group to the girls and see if anyone is interested,

Thanks!

Yeah I'll mention it in the chart chatter thread too. I think there are some in there who've been trying for awhile. I'll doublecheck first though. This group is gonna rock I think:)

Feel free to mention it to any other groups ladies so we can make sure anyone who may be interested will see this.

I will mention it in a few.

Ali

i think this is a great idea for a thread, however i dont think i can post here as I have not been try as long as some here. To me this feels like the longest journey i have taken, with no results in sight as yet. I am from the TTC#1 thread and have not been using birth control since our wedding march 09 but Dh and I buckled down and have tried alot harder for the last 7 + cycles with no luck.
I will this thread as i love postive friends boosting each other up throughout their cycles and good luck guys for the future!

Hmmm this is interesting and I honestly don't know what I think. I love the TTC #1 thread but at the same time it certainly has gotten harder to be in there because most of my buddies have moved onto the grads so I have this overwhelming feeling that I'm being left behind I guess... IYKWIM... and of course some of my bestest buds are still there with me but have moved away from the thread a bit for similar reasons.

Gosh I hope I don't offend anyone with this...

I've been trying for 7 months and about to go into my 8th cycle which to me feels like an eternity but the reality is that it's nothing compared to some ladies and I need to be realistic about that.

Rock and hard place really because the newbies in the TTC #1 thread want to talk about how many kids they want, what sex they want, at what stage they'd tell their family... all the things those longer term members have already discussed. They ask lots of questions which they need to be able to do but sometimes it feels like you've answered it 20 times for 20 different people. Then there's the excitement the newbies feel when they first start TTC... it's hard to be 100% positive with them when you've been trying for what feels like so long to you...

Then on the other hand.... going back to the ladies that have been trying for a lot longer than I... I would feel bad expressing my concerns and my "woe is me" cr*p when they've been battling a lot more than I have.

So really... I don't know. Any thoughts?

I think its a great idea.

Like Chook i tend to post in the Grads and Friends group, but sometime ago realised that if we didn't sustain the TTC Ongoing group it would flounder and there actually wouldn't be any 'new' grads to the Grads and Friends group.

There are about 10 of us LTTTCer's in TTC ongoing and the Grads and Friends group. I think because of this, as much as we are happy when someone gets their in the first month of trying it can be very disheartening as well. I find solace knowing there are a few LTTTCers in the TTC ongoing BG, and each of us has an understanding of what it means to try and try month after month.

I have no idea what kind of 'time' would determine the BG. Given there is a BG for TTC 12 months+ maybe look at 18 months-2 yrs +.

I am also on my first cycle of IVF so have also been the Assisted Conception BG's.

I feel exactly the same falcs (you have put it so well). Rock n a hard place for sure. feeling down about it but haven't been trying for 18 months ... feeling so lost right now

missing my grads friends right now too

I have changed to title on this as I think the time frame is getting confusing.

I am meaning it more for the handling of the emotions etc that can not necessarily be shared with the people just starting out on the TTC side.

If you are finding it difficult emotionally in whatever way this would be a place to come to and share with others who will understand and may even be feeling the same.

That would allow you to still post in the current groups with support etc but if you are feeling stressed etc this would be a place to come an extra place.

I don't want people to feel ruled out on the length of time if the feelings are there, the feelings are the things that seem to be stressing people to the max without them having a place to go.

Keep posting girls, with feedback/comments or just to say hi.

Ali

Yes I like the name change... this group could work very well!

nice work Ali!

Hi Ali and everyone,

I'm more of a reader than a poster but love the idea -

DH and I have been TTC for 18+months now (miscarriage 2 months ago). i know i've needed the support especially recently and quite frankly there really isnt anyone to talk to about the stress of it all. As much as i love my best friends, i cant talk to them about the pain/stress of TTC when they are either pregnant, first time mums or excited about the new addition to their family.

For me its much easier when people I personally know, 'dont know' what im going through.. I can force the smiles and control the waterworks much much better. Over the PC i can talk about the frustration and cry to my hearts content.

I Agree

It is not about the name girls just the way I described it to start with. And thanks to the member who suggested it.

There is just a need for this as you guys are all saying. It would still be a TTC support group so when a BFP is received members would still need to graduate to the current graduate groups or the DIG section.

This is just another group for the ladies who feel it might help.

I agree with everything Falcs said....it's hard cause we're inbetween. I'm in my 8th cycle now and at times it can be frustrating - not stacks long, but long enough. We may have only been trying physically for 8months, but it's been spoken about for months before hand, plan started more than 12months ago to TTC.

I think the new title is appropriate and i'm looking forward to posting in here occaisionally.

Im another who would benefit from posting here. I currently post in TTC#2 bg and they are a fabulous group of ladies. Im struggling a little bit at the moment as we are on cycle 21 TTC#2 since march 09. It took me almost 1 year with #1 and just cant beleive it is happening again! I am now under a naturopath and have a FS appointment later this month so am hoping someting good is going to come soon! I just find it hard to express my feelings with close family/friends and its hard when you are one of the last ones in a mothers group situation when all the others have had or are about to have #2.


look forward to sharing with you all

Hi there,

I have been TTC#3 since July last year and would welcome such a BG. I know it isn't 18 months but I am currently in the TTC#3 Buddy Group and lately I seem to be welcoming newbies one month then congratulating them on their BFP a month or two later. I am absolutely happy for them but I am beginning to feel disheartened by the length of time it is taking me to conceive again. My DD took 3+ years to conceive (inc 2 very long years on IVF) and I was fortunate to have a natural conception with my DS. My husband and I will be starting IVF again in July if I don't fall pregnant by then.

I don't like talking to friends or family about my feelings either. So I would definitely appreciate being able to share my feelings with others.

bumping to make sure everyone sees this

Krissy - I too am TTC #2 and I know EXACTLY how you feel about being the last one in your Mother's Group to conceive #2 trust me!:( Good luck with the Naturopath and FS. I've seen a great FS up here in Brisbane for the past few months, been on Clomid for a few rounds and am having an HSG xray on Monday morning which I'm very nervous about but will hopefully show nothing and won't be too painful I hope!! If nothing else happens, our final option is IUI, we can't afford IVF. So hope it happens soon.

Goodnight all!xxx

Kyles79: Thanks its comforting to know Im not the only one feeling this way! Good luck for your procedure next week, Im sure it will all go fine. Im looking forward to seeing a FS as my regular Gp could not do any invasive testing for me after 12mths-we are in the same boat as you-IVF we cannot afford and dont think we could go through the stress to be honest. Im confident that with the naturopathic help and maybe after seeing the FS we will be successful.

I might PM you and ask some ? about your naturopath if thats ok?

Sending you lots of babydust!

Last bump.

If you are interested in this group then feel free to keep posting here to start it off/keep it going.

Ali

HSG didn't go too well yesterday grrrr.

Krissy of course you can PM me anytime you like. Let me know where you're from too.

Later girls!

Hi All,

I was excited to see this group started. My DH and I are nearly at a year (I know this isn't long), I have just about given up any hope, I am just waiting for someone to tell us it is never going to happen. More salt in the wounds is the 6 (and ever growing number) of lucky people at work, as well as familiy members. Its like somethign is telling us it is never going to happen, but we can watch everyone elses joy. I am glad this board has started, because there is only so much of "just wait, it will happen" you can hear from expectanting parents.

So, we are off to the Dr to get all the tests, possible endo and who knows what else, at least we will know if it isn't going to happen for us.

Sorry to be down, but AF is again around the corner, I know again we have failed, so I am wallowing in my own misery lol. Do apolgise.

BB

BB - i am so sorry honey you are struggling. I am in the same boat, AF due tomorrow and I know she wll show with full force. I thought i would be able to handle it this month but today i just feel like we have failed again and i must be broken
I am thinking i should maybe go to the docs and get tested but i dont have the heart to go. BB good luck with your testing and again i am so sorry you are having a hard time
ARDs

I like the idea, at the moment I am trying to find somewhere I fit in. Have been hanging out in the ttc after miscarriage thread and everyone there is really lovely and supportive. But with my history ttc for 5 yrs #2 with AC, ttc#3 4yrs- losing this baby at 19+wks and currently experiencing a probable early miscarriage well I just feel like all I am doing on that board is complaining because I am so stressed. Would love to continue in that group but would be nice to have another place too where I can unload so I'm not always making so many down posts on the other board.

Thanks Ard,

I too feel like I am broken, that it has to be me. DH is more optimisitic of course, but I don't know how to stop thinking its me. We have been putting off the Dr visit, but this is just eating away at me, especially the endo possibility. So we will find out and get some advice on monday. Fingers crossed its not bad news, but I suppose I am in the right frame of mind for that lol. .

BB

Hi girls

I hope this comes across in the right way when I say I am pleased to see some people posting here.

Meaning I am glad to see that some members are getting something from the thread even if it is just a safe place to vent but also wish the thread wasn't necessary.

Members who want so badly to have a bub and are so deserving should have it happen much sooner than you ladies will, I say will as I want this group to be able to move to other areas (IE DIG's) ASAP.

Love to you all

Ali

Thanks Ali:)

Well my HSG xray on Monday didn't go so well... the dr that did it didn't know what the hell he was doing and kept stuffing it up, it normally is a procedure where the first half takes 5-10 mins, he was trying to do the first part and took half an hour! THEN had to get a SECOND dr in who managed to help but was just as uncommunicative. Then the cramps were really bad when they injected the dye to flush out my tubes:( then after all the pictures were finished the dr told me one sentence that I didn't really understand much of then walked out without a goodbye or anything! I walked outta there and just had a melt down! Turns out from what I can gather, one of my tubes doesn't work or something but I won't know the extent till next Monday when I see my FS because he rang and told me he needed to see me to discuss where to go from here:( wish they could tell you more to stop you from freaking out but then they wouldn't be able to charge you money for a proper appt! So at this stage I'm in limboland till at least Monday!:(

Hope everyone else is ok, sorry to see the group growing but I agree with Ali too, it's good to see so many people coming to somewhere they feel like they will hopefully belong!xxx

Krissy - I will respond to you when I can, I'm not well at the moment sorry, I'll write back soon. xx

Thankyou Ali thats so nice.

Kyles: Thats horrible, you would think these trained professionals would have a clue on how to do their jobs! I hope you get some positive answers next week. No worries about the reply, take as long as you need & hope you feel better soon.

x

BlackB - i think it is good that you are going to the docs, hopefully this will put your mind at ease once you have your results back. Good luck for next week, i do hope the docs help.

AFM - well AF arrived today in full force. I honestly thought i would be able to handle this month, however this morning once i found out i havent been able to stop crying (2hrs later) this is ridiculous. I just feel so broken and damaged as a women . Thankfully i am going to the docs for something else on saturday so i will discuss this issue with my doc also. I have been putting it off as i dont have the guts to be tested. I will push through this month and have it seen to.

Kyles79 - I havent spoken to you before so hi (i think we post in different threads) but i just wanted to say i am sorry you had to put up with horrible docs on monday. I hope you get your answers at your FS appt on monday

Ali - thank you for running this group. I do think this is needed because i hate posting negative 'downer' comments in the other threads, it tends to get everyone else down (as you have noticed in the past). Thanks a million

Hi Girls......

Hope that I can join here.... AF turned up this morning in full force... and like ARDiver so emotional - dont know how much more I can take.... or how many more one lines i can look at on PG tests

Been trying for a while now and not sure where to go from here

Hope you are all well xx

ps hiya Kyles

EMB - i hope you are feeling better after the other day xx

just bumping this thread so it doesn't get lost.

Just wanted to post with a link to the 12months+ area of the boards here as another place for support/advice. I am sure that you all are aware of it but posting just in case anyone came to the boards via the TTC Groups only.

Ali

bumping to see if anyone is interested in this one.

bumping for the last time just in case