I have had a terrible pregnancy. I had cramping and spotting from 7 weeks and had three ultrasounds before the 12 1/2 week nuchal. Each time everything was ok. At the nuchal we were told that the downs % was less than 1 in 5 plus there were additional chromosome issues. The Sac size was also WAY too small and baby couldn't really move. The growth was not proportionate either. The placenta was not working and there were no hormones being produced AT ALL by the placenta or myself. All this along with a strong heartbeat ranging from 150 to 174 throughout the preg. (ironic)
We were not really given a choice but pretty much told to terminate the pregnancy rather than wait for a natural miscarriage. I had a D&C the next day. I am of course so sad over the whole thing but never really attached myself the way I did with DS as I felt from very early on that something was not right.
My issue now is the complete guilt I am feeling for terminating another human beings life. I just can't get it out of mind and it is eating me up inside. I don't know what to think, what to do with myself, what to wear etc etc. I am crying all the time.
Has anyone else had to deal with a termination? It is the moral part of all of this mess that I can't seem to shake. I lost my Mum a few years ago, had depression from that, had mild post-natal depression (although never treated) with DS so I know all about grief and the stages of it all.
Just not sure what to do with myself......