I've gotten myself into a total flap about a hens night I got stuck organising - I'm stressing out and in a bit of a bad way..

Bit of background - I am a bridesmaid so mentioned I would put something fun together. The bride advised initially of about 10 people including her and myself so I went ahead and booked a deposit on a cruise. Over the last few days she has invited more people (I have to have final numbers by next Wednesday) so we are now up to 23.

I'm totally freaking out as I have to pay for these people in the hope that they pay me back, I don't know any of the extras she has invited. Bride mentioned I should just give them my bank account details and hope for the best - over Facebook? So, final payment due Wednesday which is now $1840 - i am not sure who is coming, who is not.

This is such a nightmare - I've been TTC for 14 months and have hit a type of rock bottom with that, work is so busy.. life general just sucks and now this - feel like I am having a meltdown.

I've given her another option for the evening that does not involve me parting with money and now she is not answering my emails - I think she's pee'd off at me...

What do I do?

Please do not pay this money yourself. Pass on the details to the other girls so they can direct deposit!

Get the $$$ off people as they confirm. There is absolutely no way I'd be forking out nearly $2000 for people I didn't know, in the hopes that they'd do the right thing later.

Or go straight to Plan B which doesn't involve you spending your hard earned up front.

Good luck.

Ask the bride to give the people your bank account details. Tell them that they must pay by a certain day. If they do not pay they miss out. When the day comes whoever has paid gets booked in and who has not paid misses out. They all get fair notice and have the choice. It is really all up to them and if they miss out only have themselves to blame.

You should not have to pay for other people. Surely the bride (your friend) can understand that.

You shouldn't have to do this! As the PP said get them to direct deposit. You can even open a special bank account for this purpose. Ask the bride to give you the email addresses of all the people who are going to attend and let them know that to ensure the night goes smoothly you will need them to RSVP before XXX date and also to deposit $XX into the bank account. Give them directions on how to do it.
It really isn't up to the bride to dictate how this should all happen. Organising the hens night is like a gift, it is your choice how it is done. She is probably just stressing over everything. Just be calm with her and let her know that this is the best way to make everything go smoothly.

you poor thing! everthing at once just stresses you out you need a weekend of you time!

Also don't pay it yourself, if it was to be $1800 odd dollars perhaps ask the bride to pay it, as you don't know these people. Tell her you litterally don't have the $1800 in the bank to pay for it and if they do not get the money to her or yourself you won't be able to go.

Call up the bride and tell her you need a list of names & email addresses... Or facebook details.

Email everyone on the list with the details for the night and advising that they must make payment into your bank account by TUESDAY at the latest, or they will not be able to attend.

On Wednesday, just book the people in who have paid. You can always check with the bride about anyone who HASN"T paid and if she would like to cover them until you receive payment.

Easy!!

It's not one of those 'manpower' type cruises with male strippers/dancers is it?

Could that be the reason people are umming and ahhing about paying their deposit?

Just a thought.

First up , tell the bride anyone coming needs to get the money to you before next Wednesday or they won't be included in the booking. Anyone who really wants to come will arrange to get the deposit to you.

There is NO WAY I would provide bank details over Facebook. Hardly a secure site, is it? If you can contact these people via Facebook, ask them for an email address or a phone number. so you arrange to either give them bank details or whatever. Let the bride know you are doing it this way.

Don't give in. Her suggestion that you 'Hope for the best' is not only foolish in the extreme, but shows little care for you and your feelings.

I'm with the others. I'd get the girls names and contact details and give them a date they need to transfer the money to you by. If they dont then they can't come. You shouldn't be out of pocket.

I certainly don't expect any of my bridesmaids to be out of pocket either!

I wouldn't put my bank account details on face book and hope for the best. I would contact the brides friends via facebook or get their number from the bride. I would then make it clear to them that if they have not confirmed (as in given you the money before the required date) then they will not be included. It is very unfair for you to cover for those who have not payed, it is not your responsibility to cover the costs.
I hope it works out for you OP.

HEY FI,
I remember this dilema.

Ask the bride to give you a full list of invited girls - phone number & email addresses.

1. Send them all an email including the details of the hen's and how much it will cost per head.
2. In the email ask them to formally reply via email by a certain date ( in bold)
3. Include your direct debit details & tell them that the money needs to be deposited before their RSVP is counted. No $ no entry. Explain that the full amount is due so their cooperation and quick attention would be most helpful
4. The day before the RSVP/Pay date , get our your list & start calling them...when will they be paying? Be firm, tell them you have drinks to buy, catereing to arrange etc....anything to give them the guilts.

DO NOT put your bank details on Facebook - Massive NO NO.
If FB is the only way you can contact them then ask them to RSVP to your direct email NOT via FB. FB RSVP's will no be accepted....bloody FB has a lot to answer if you ask me.

If you need any other help them just holler!!!

x PN

Thanks guys - I agree, no pay by RSVP no go... that is fair enough and most should understand that. However, still hoping she goes with the other suggestion...

Hi Ness You found me down here... xx

This!

I received an invite to a work colleagues hen's night via email and it states all the details of what, where, when etc and also how much. The invite provides bank details (BSB and account name and number) and a mobile contact for the RSVP. It also gives a date by which we are to have RSVP'd and paid our money. Easy.

PurpleNess's reply is spot on. Get everyone's details, send note out to everyone, no pay by RSVP date, no entry.

So what happened. Can you tell us?