Goodluck Ladies

Proud Mumma to Marcus..24/06/03

Hello, I guess i'm the first on this site.

I must admit we're not actively TTC yet, but after i see my OB on July 6, i think we will be - so i'm gunna count myself in.

Today would have been my last day at work, and i'm just sitting here like nothing has changed. I've gotta admit its a lot harder than i thought it would be. There is another girl in the next department that is 3 days behind when i was leaving and she goes today. So i am feeling a little sorry for myself.

I hope you are all going well, and Tina i just wanted to see how you are going with AF - did you ask a doctor what's happening.

Hedley.

Mummy to Evan, stillborn 27wks - 16.4.04

well looks like I am second on this site. I dont think there will be too many of us. All I cna think of is me, hedley and Kim. Is there anyone else?

Hedley - I didnt have to worry about going to docters as AF come the next day full on. So it looks like when we are in sydney is defienlety going to be the time. I ahve to ring my OB today to get a blood test organsied for after to make I O'd.

Well I think this thread will be moving pretty slowly!


Tina 27
Dh Matt 32
DS Alex our little angel in heaven 28/04/04 37.3 weeks
TTC#2 - 05/04

View Alex's page www.babiesonline.com/babies/a/alexb

Hi Hedley and Tina,

I am so sorry you have had to suffer the loss of your precious children, Evan and Alex.

I know only to well what you are going through and how desperate I was to be pregnant again.

We lost Abbey on 30.08.02. I can't believe how quickly the time has gone and that it will be her 2nd birthday soon. I look for kids who are the age Abbey would be now and wonder what it would be like to have a cheeky 22 month old running around. Abbey was born still due to a complex cord entanglement. We went in to the hospital thinking I was to be induced and that we would soon have a healthy screaming baby in our arms. Our world was shattered when they could not find a heartbeat and told us Abbey had died.

We have since gone on to have Meg who is almost 9 months old. The pregnancy was certainly no picnic, but so worth it.

We are now seriously contemplating trying for our third baby, probably in a couple of months time.

I wish you all the best in your TTC journey, and if you are ever finding it a bit tough, please do not hesitate to PM me.

Best wishes

Jo

Mum to Abbey Rose stillborn 30.08.02 @ 39 weeks

and

Meg Isabella 22.09.03

Hi Hedley

I know how you feel about returning to work its so hard and Im thinking of you. My first week all I did was cry and sometimes I still do, but, somehow the pain gets put somewhere and Im right for a couple of days and then it start's all over again. And your not feeling sorry for yourself.

Good luck TTC #2 for everyone

Take Care

Annette (28)
DB Troy (28)
Cameron (40.3wks) My precious little Star

Hi Guys

Tina I am glad that AF has fully visted you and I hope that Sydney will be lucky for you.

I am hoping that Darwin was a lucky place for us too.

Hedley I know what you mean about work I quit my job before having Lilly and haven't gone back to work I saw my old boss the other night and he said they were having a lot of trouble at work and hinted about me going back but I don't want to as I feel that it would just seem like nothiang ever happened and I don't want that. I am going down to Sydney with my mum in July and after I get back I might look at doing some temp work.

I don't want to go back to full time work as if I fall pregnant I only want to work part time as the stress of being pregnant will be enough without having to worry about work at the same time.

Jo and Annette I am so sorry to hear about your little ones, I just keep wondering to myself why is life so unfair that it takes our little ones form us.

I just got back Lilly's hands and feet impressions from twinkle toes yesterday they are so cute I really wish she was here so I could see her little hands and feet grow I miss her so much.

Take care everyone



Kim
Lilly "Born an Angel 06/05/04"

http://www.babiesonline.com/babies/l/lillymaree

Hey everyone

Hedely - I know how you feel about work. I have been very lucky and my boss has let me come and go whenever I feel like it. I am doing whatever days I like and the hours I like. The first day I walked in there and just burst out crying. It does get easier. Though having someome there who is also PG wouldnt help. Hang in there!

Annette Maree - Are you going to try for number 2? It is such a hard decision isnt it?

Kim - I hope Darwin worked for you. I too miss my baby so much. I really wish I had got Alex's nad and feet impressions done by twinkle toes. I bet they look wonderful. Thinking of you

Well I have just book DH and I a flight to queensland on teh cheap virgin flights and it works out at my next fertile after this month, so if I dont fall this month in sydney I will just have to try in queensland! Maybe just go around every state till it works! lol

Take care everyone. Thinking of you all

Tina 27
Dh Matt 32
DS Alex our little angel in heaven 28/04/04 37.3 weeks
TTC#2 - 05/04

View Alex's page www.babiesonline.com/babies/a/alexb

Hi everyone, I hope you don't mind me popping into your group. I spoke to Rowy about how I didn't seem to fit in anywhere, and asked if she could change this thread into TTC after stillborn/neonatal loss, she said she can't do that until a new thread. But in the meantime I hope I am welcome here.

I have "met" a few of you all previously, but for those that don't know I had my little girl Piper in Jan this year after we discovered my placenta was failing, she was born by C/S at 26 weeks 3 days and died 2 weeks later as her lungs failed.

It took us 4 years to conceive Piper, 6 cycles of clomed failed and then had success with injections and insemination with DH sperm. We have been TTC #2 since early April and am trying clomed at a higher dose. Hope to do insemination or IVF Jan next year if no luck(OB wants me to wait 1 year for that as I had a vertical C/S)

Well thats me, hoping for some good news in here soon for all of us.

Take care, Sandy

TTC since 7/99
DD Piper (IUI)(C/S)
7-22.1.04
TTC#2 now
</font>

Oh just a litle addit. Do we want a list? If so please post your details and I will start one if you all like

TTC since 7/99
DD Piper (IUI)(C/S)
7-22.1.04
TTC#2 now
</font>

Sandy - a list sounds great what details do you want?
I am TTC #2 Alexander was stillborn 28/4/04. Anything else you want to know?

It is very quite in this room!

Tina 27
Dh Matt 32
DS Alex our little angel in heaven 28/04/04 37.3 weeks
TTC#2 - 05/04

View Alex's page www.babiesonline.com/babies/a/alexb

thanks Tina, our list is quite small, Hedley, hope you don't mind me adding you can i just check is it no 2 that you are thnking about TTC?, also please let me know if you don't want to be on the list yet. Anyone else?? please feel welcome to join us even if you are still thinking about TTC.

OUR LIST

Hedley. Thinking about TTC. Mum to Evan stillborn 27 weeks 16.4.04

Alex’smum (Tina) TTC #2. Mum to Alexander stillborn 37.3 weeks 28.4.04.

SandyR (Sandy) TTC # 2. Mum to Piper Rea born at 26.3 weeks 7.1.04 died 22.1.04
Lilly's Mum (Kim) TTC #2 Mum to Lilly Maree Lesley stillborn at 41.5 weeks 6.5.04

Annette-Maree (Annette) TTC #2. Mum to Cameron stillborn at 40.3 weeks 3.5.04.

Mamadom TTC #2. Mum to Antonia Annie-Jackson stillborn at 38.5 weeks 10/01/2004



hope this is okay for the moment.

TTC since 7/99
DD Piper (IUI)(C/S)
7-22.1.04
TTC#2 now
</font>

This message was edited by SandyR on Thursday, 24 June 2004 @ 5:14 PM

Hi

Well I just finished watching the movie Uptown Girls and got really upset at the end when the little girl doing a ballet dance I wish I could have seen Lilly grow up and do a ballet dance, I miss her so much does it ever get any easier I feel like the pain will never go away.

I am also in the 2ww period and I am scared at the result will be I am scared about being pregnant and scared about how I will be if I am not pregnant.

Sandy can you please add me to the list when you do one up I am TTC #2 Lilly Maree Lesley was stillborn 06/05/04 41.5 wks

Tina I agree this room is very quite but hopefully we can give each other the support we need.

Take care of yourselfs and sending baby dust your way



Kim
Lilly "Born an Angel 06/05/04"

http://www.babiesonline.com/babies/l/lillymaree

KIM: I've added you to the list (it is the post above your last one) in future I will aim to have it towards the top of the thread. I know how you feel about the 2WW, such mixed emeotions, I am scared either way and this is my 3 month of TTC now. I feel I cope by believing I won't get pg, (this is reinforced by the 4 yrs it took to get Piper) but I guess I can't think that forever as I do desperately want a bub to bring home

Take care everyone, we may be a slow moving thread, but I think we will all be a great help and support to each other. I think we should all feel free to talk about our bubs and feelings as well as our feelings around ttc as it's all tied up together and we will never forget our precious babies and we will forever be their mums, okay enough preaching from me :-)

(I also know of a few other ladies that might join)

Sandy

TTC since 7/99
DD Piper (IUI)(C/S)
7-22.1.04
TTC#2 now
</font>

Hello girls, well friday came and went and I'm feeling much better today. I bought a book from amazon.com the other week entitled "trying again" about trying to conceive after miscarriage, stillbirth or death of an infant. I have found it a really good read.
Did you know that more stillborn bubs are boys?

It deals with the emotions you may feel thinking about trying again, actually going through the emotional rollercoaster of trying again and then the next emotional rollercoaster of pregnancy.

It only took us a couple of months to fall pregnant with evan, i'm really scared its going to take a long time this time around (i haven't start ttc yet) and i don't want to become obssessed about it.

I also wanted to know what your impressions of some friends/family after something like this has happened to you all. Some people i know have been tremendous support, while i haven't even heard from others, other than a card after the first week.

Hedley

Mummy to Evan, stillborn 27wks - 16.4.04

Hi Everyone

Sandy - Thanks for the list!

Kim - I know how you feel. I am just at the beginning of trying to concieve and I am soo scared of how I am going to react if I dont fall PG. I think I am going to be a total mess. IT took us so long to get ALex but I now that we can do it as we got Alex.

Hedley - When you finish reading the book do you want to sell it? I have been looking for the book and no libary stocks it. I am reading "when a baby dies" at the moment.

I have found that I am now realising who are my real friends and who arent. I am not happy with my brother, he was helpful organising the funeral and stuff but he hasnt once called to see how we are neither have some of our other friends. I have found my neice to be very supportive and lets me talkabout Alex all thetime. SHe was quite a suprise. We were pregnant together though so it makes it hard.

I am glad you guys have told me about how heavy your AF is after having a baby or else I would of been so scared. I cant believe how heavy it is! Thanks guys it really helps knowing what happens.

Kim- I know what you mean when you see a little girl doing something, I do that all the time with boys. I am crying all the time watching home and away at the moment as someone jsut had a baby and I am balling my eyes out all the time!

well take care everyone.


Tina 27
Dh Matt 32
DS Alex our little angel in heaven 28/04/04 37.3 weeks
TTC#2 - 05/04

View Alex's page www.babiesonline.com/babies/a/alexb

Hi Hedley, Tina, Jo, Annette, Kim, Sandy,

I No longer belong into this one but sort of feel like I missed out on sharing what was happening before I fell pregnant. I am now 10 weeks and 5 days and counting every single day and it is sooooooo long. But I thought I would pop in and let you know I am watching what is happening with you all and am praying that you will all find yourselves carrying another beautiful angel but one that will be earth bound.

Tina I saw that you were after a certain book. When I went to the library and found that they didn't have some books on coping with loss I asked them if they could get them in for me and so they got 3 books. So I thought maybe you can try and ask your library to do the same. If you explain a little bit of your cercumstances they are usually very helpful. Don't judge your friends and family too harshly. It happens to all of us and if I think about how I might have been had it been a friend who had lost their child I don't think I would have been up to scratch either just because I wouldn't have known or understood the intensity of the hurt. So If I think about how I would have been I have figured I need to be forgiving of those who to me have really disappointed me. I do get very frustrated with it a bit too but have decided to talk as much as I can and then people at least know how I feel. Great to hear that AF has finaly come. You have been waiting sooo long and surely if Sydney doesn't do the trick I am sure sunny queensland should definately work!!! Here's hoping!!!!

Hedley everything feeling like it hasn't changed is such a horrible feeling and makes it feel like you've been alienated. Why is it that you can look at the world and people around you, and you wouldn't even know that anything has happened but yet the pain is soooooooooo very real for you and life has completely changed for you but anyone who would look at you might see that you are sad but not have a clue to what intensity that sadness is. But I think that each and everyone of these feeling are just part of grieving and is what we all just have to go through. I hope you will see happier days soon.

Jo how nice it is that you have made it to see another beautiful girl after having had to let go of Abbey. It must have been a nice feeling when you finally had your baby safely and crying in your arms. The hardest process of having to wait for that moment had passed. I do pray now that the next pregnancy will pass by without dramas and that you will be at the end quickly breathing that sigh of relief again. It's hard to imagine how you survived the pregnancy but I am sure I and everyone else here will one day look back and breathe again too.

Annette and anyone else who has had to go back to work. I am sorry that you had to go back. I didn't need to because I already have 2 older ones and I just couldn't imagine having to return to life in that way it's been hard enough just doing the normal stuff. I suppose in the end it will be a relief to have something occupy so much of your time and will hopefully make the time go quicker until you hold your next precious little one.

Kim I am happy to here that you want to do part time work. Being somewhere else will mean learning new things so it will really keep you busy and give you a bit of a break from all the pain for a little bit but also you still will have the time to really cry and let go as well as look after yourself in the next pregnancy. I think it's a great idea if you can afford it. I believe the pain will never go away but we will not only cry tears of sadness but tears of the preciousness and a beauty that only we will know about and can see. I also know that as much as the pain doesn't go away, it ends up coming less often. Not meaning you are forgetting about your little angel but finaly life will have moved on into times where you will have more joy and hope again. Let your pain come as it comes. You will feel better again after a good cry and spending some time with your baby in thought.

Sandy I hope and pray with all of my being that it will not take as long for you to fall preg' this time. That things will start happening for you very soon. You have waited sooooo very long and it is such a lonely motherhood when your one and only child is in heaven instead of your arms. I know little Piper is well looked after up there but it doesn't ever take away the lonelyness and pain. Hoping that your pain will end soon.

Well I think I have covered everyone. I do wish you all the very best and loads of very fertile months ahead. I will pop in every now and then to see how you are all going. With all of my love
Maja


Maja (28)
Dh (27)
Ectopic pgn Nov 1998
Layah (4 1/2)and
Jemma (nearly 2)my earth angels
Connor (wise) grew wings 13th Jan and was born on the 15th Jan 2004. A precious son we will never forget.

Hi Guys

Well I think my mind might be playing tricks on me I keep having this metallic taste in my mouth like I did while pg with Lilly but surely it is too soon for any signs as I only O'd 8 days ago. Is it my mind playing tricks on me? I keep telling myself it is nothing as I know that if AF shows up I will be crushed.

Sandy - Thanks for creating the list, let’s hope that not too many more mums have join such a terrible list. I hope that something special happens for you this month you really deserve some good news.

Tina - I know what you mean about your friends/family, I really can't deal with one of my friends at the moment I know she means well but she just raves on with a lot of crap (trouble that she has with her ex that she creates herself) and I just feel like telling her to shut up and if that is all she has to worry about she should think herself lucky. My best friend is pg and I try to talk about her pg but as soon as she leaves I just break down. I want her to talk about it but at the same time it really hurts. My Brother in-law hasn't spoken to since Lilly was born not even her funeral is it so hard to say to someone I sorry to hear about Lilly or to just acknowledge her this really makes me angry.

Hedley - I know what you mean about how long it will take to fall pg as I fell pg the first month with Lilly. My heart really goes out to Tina and Sandy to take so long to get your little babies and to then have them taken away life is so unfair, you are both such strong women.

Maja - I didn't realize that you were pg a big congratulations to you. It is great that you popped in; hopefully we will all be able to enjoy our pregnancies together some day soon.

I am really angry at the crematorium at the moment as we still haven’t heard back about Lilly's ashes her funeral was nearly 6 weeks ago. My father in-law rang them last week and they told him that it usually takes two weeks well it has been a lot bloody longer than that I just want to be able to lay Lilly to rest with her grandma and to have somewhere to visit her.

Sorry for the mammoth post, just had to get some things off my chest.

Sending baby dust to you all


Kim
Lilly "Born an Angel 06/05/04"

http://www.babiesonline.com/babies/l/lillymaree

Hi Peoples

Maja - COngrats on the pregnancy. I hope that it happens just as quickly for the rest of us in this group.

Kim - I know what you mean about friends pregnancies. One friend told me she was PG and I havent spoken to her since she told me. Another one is due this month. I speak to hear via email but thats it. I am seeing her next month so that will be hard. I cant believe that you dont have Lilly' ashes yet! I got Alex's two days after his funeral.The funeral place picked them up for us and tok them to our house. I really hope that you a PG this month. When are you due??



Tina 27
Dh Matt 32
DS Alex our little angel in heaven 28/04/04 37.3 weeks
TTC#2 - 05/04

View Alex's page www.babiesonline.com/babies/a/alexb

Hi Ladies

Its so good to read from you all.

Im having a spot of bother I don't know if Im O or not? Ive got one of those maybe baby things. Some days it looks like its going to fern then the next its just dots. Then I started to use an O kit for 2 days and got upset that it has been negative. My AF went for 10 days last week. Before Cameron they went for 5 days. I surpose AF will be up in the air just after having a baby. I must be honest I will be so jealous when all of you will be pregnant before me but, that's just natural because at the moment we all want the same thing. IM still WISHING YOU ALL the LUCK in the WORLD. We deserve it after what we have been through.

Sandy please add me to your list:

Annette TTC #2. Mummy to Cameron stillborn 40.3 weeks 03/05/2004.

Tina yes Im TTC #2 but, as I mentioned before Im having a spot of bother about when Im O. Im affraid I will become to obsessed and stressed that it wont happen. I surpose I will just have to snap out of it, and just carry on day by day.

To the other's Hedley, Jo and Kim thinking of you.

I too have trouble with family, my brother (just the 2 of us) lives 1400km away and his wife is expecting their first in August and to tell you the truth Im dredding the day I don't know why Im jealous? Do you think its normal? Im so glad for my Mum and Dad though. My brother and wife had a M/C (after no heart beat), then my little Cameron past away so this is their 2nd grand child after alot of heart breakes so Im very happy and pleased for them. They have been through alot. When your greiving you don't realise what (our) parents go through, at the time your only thinking about yourselves and what you and your partner have just lost. It will be good to see a happy smile on my mum and dad's face. As when they finally hold their 2nd grandchild. I don't really get along with my brother which is another downside. All of my friends have been great though.

Thinking of you all

Annette

Hi Guys

A quick post before heading out to do the grocery shopping.

Annette - I know what you mean about the maybe baby I brought that when I was trying with Lilly because I never knew when I O'd but I couldn't get it to work I just went of the dates they said apparently you O 14 days after the first day of your AF so you can BD a couple days before and after I think from memory it is 4. The pamplet inside the pack tells you. Hope that is some help to you. I can't find my maybe baby this time to use it evenif I wanted to it seems to have gone walk about in our move.

Tina - my AF is due around the 28th so still 7 days to wait. I know I am so angry about Lilly's ashes if nothing comes in the mail today I think they will be getting an abusive phone call.



Kim
Lilly "Born an Angel 06/05/04"

http://www.babiesonline.com/babies/l/lillymaree

Just thought I would say hi to you all and I am thinking about you all. I cry for all of you. Not only because of what you all have had to go through and with your first children but also that I am going to be in the same boat soon.
I know that some of you have read and replied to my posts previous.

I am about to lose my second child in the next couple of weeks. I have no idea on how I am going to deal with it or what is going to happen etc.
Im also already wanting to fall pregnant straight away although I have to wait 3 months before trying again. Although I am hoping that it will help with my healing process for my heart.

Sometimes I feel like it would be dishonouring to this child that I even think about it before I have lost this child. And I suppose the 3 month wait will help me to make sure that my motives are right and that I am not just trying to replace this baby.
Really though in alot of ways I lost this baby 1 1/2 months ago when I was given the diagnosis/prognosis. I still just dont want to admit it though.

One thing that I am worried about is that it will take ages and ages to get pregnant again. Amey took nearly 2yrs although this one took 2 cycles of trying. I just hope that I can be that lucky again. Although you are meant to be pretty fertile after being pregnant.

Kim - regarding early signs. The second time for me it was so clear to me that I was pregnant again it wasnt funny. I knew before I even took the test that I was. Although its different for everyone.

Annette - I totally understand what you are thinking about your family with another baby etc. My SIL's baby is due a month after mine will be born. And then there is another one a week before that. The ironic thing is that she m/c her first at 8wks and was due 3 months after Amey. Now it is in reverse in a way being that mine was to be born 3 months after hers. It a little freaky too.

I hope this is not all to confusing as I have heaps of thoughts running around in my head.
Thank you for listening to me though....




Sharon
DH Scott
DD Amey 18/07/03
Bubs #2 EDD 14/11/04

<a href="http://lilypie.com"><img src="http://lilypie.com/days/041114/2/0/0/+10" alt="Lilypie Baby Days" border="0" /></a>

Annette-Maree, you're not silly to be jelous, gosh i feel like i'm jealous of everyone at the moment - i think its the way everyone can get along with their lives. The book that i'm reading delves into all of those issues (tina i can lend it to you when i'm finished) it's been a helpful read.

I have had a little win - i went off my blood pressure medication yesterday. As you know, I lost Evan to preeclampsia, my bp was way too high and i have been on medication to bring it down. Well i went off it yesterday and i'm monitoring my bp four times a day until i see the ob in july.
I really want to stay off it and not be on anything while ttc - so fingers crossed.

Hope you're all well.

Hedley

Mummy to Evan, stillborn 27wks - 16.4.04

Sharon please forgive me and you don't have to say if you don't want to but, what will happen to your little one when its born? Im new to the whole post thing and I haven't read any of yours before. I surpose this would be the last thing you would like to explain, Im so sorry.

Hedley when I went off my BP tablets I could feel myself go back tko normal, they where very strange and hard tjo get used to, I was on Trandate.

Kim you better get on the phone and tell those people what you think, I don't know, some people just don't have a bloody clue do they? you'd think they might just have a bit of an idea on how we feel.
God bless you! Kim. Sorry Kim, do the ashes come in the mail? I don't have much of an idea about Cremation I had my little Cameron buried.

Take Care everyone.

Annette,

I dont mind explaining. I have had a while to think and cry about all of it.

Im not to sure how to make such a complicated and long story short....but simply my baby didnt develop properly from the pelvis down. So the internal organs are not formed properly. One of the things that can happen is that the bladder pushes up and the babies lungs dont develop properly.
So once the baby is born then it wont survive but for more reasons than just that. Otherwise I have a totally viable pregnancy going here.

I was given the choice to either terminate, induce at
or after 20wks or go full-term. I couldnt terminate and felt that the 20+wks option was what was/is going to work for us.

If you want to read the details I have posted under "Has this happened to anyone?" and also UPDATE: Has this happened to anyone?."



Sharon
DH Scott
DD Amey 18/07/03
Bubs #2 EDD 14/11/04

<a href="http://lilypie.com"><img src="http://lilypie.com/days/041114/2/0/0/+10" alt="Lilypie Baby Days" border="0" /></a>

Hello again,

yes I am addicted to this site!

Kim - Have you checked about picking them up? We had to pick them up or some one else could pick them up(our funeal director did). I heard this too for someone else how had died. Let us know what happens. I really hope you get them soon, it is comforting to have them, though I did ball my eyes out when I got them and saw how tiny the "urn" was. I cant part with his ashes yet and they are up with his pictures.

Shaurth - I am sorry that you had to join this room. Why do you have to wait 3 months? (if you dont mind me asking)

Annette - It is totally understandable about being jealous but I think I will be hanging around for a while, after how long it took last time.

Hedley - That would be great it I could borrow the book afterwoods. I hope your blood pressure goes back to normal

Well I am sure I will be back in later.
Seeya





Tina 27
Dh Matt 32
DS Alex our little angel in heaven 28/04/04 37.3 weeks
TTC#2 - 05/04

View Alex's page www.babiesonline.com/babies/a/alexb

Yes, Im addicted aswell, its a shame we don't live around the corner from each other, so we could just meet up one day for coffee and chat.

Sharon, can what has happened/happening to you be prevented? Because its totally unfair that this is the 2nd time round.

Hear from you all soon.

Take Care

Annette, mummy to Cameron 40.3wks 03*05*04

Tina - We have to wait 3 months so that it gives my body enough time to heal etc. There is also the problem of making sure I have enough folic acid etc.
There was not enough blood getting down to the bottom half of my baby which is the reason why there are problems with the baby but what causes this is unknown.
I wrote somewhere else today (yes I am addicted too!) that your body usually takes up to a year after giving birth to get back to normal. I suppose when you are tired and stressed and there is so much taken out of you I can see how that is possible.
Although for my situation it is so that I can get the store of vitamins and minerals etc that I need to make a healthy baby.
The problem with this baby happened at 4wks.

I so admire all of you. I know that this is one of the hardest times of my life and I have the time to deal with it. Some of you just didnt get the time that I have to plan and choice that I get.

I know you all know this but this shouldnt happen we are meant to have happy healthy children....our kids arent meant to die before us! Its just not right.
This sounds selfish as I already have Amey who is happy and healthy. I am lucky that I have her and thank God everyday for her.
I suppose every child & pregnancy is different and I think (at least) that because children are so innocent, precious and helpless that it just makes it so much harder and even more wrong.
I watched (if you can call changing the channel all the time watching) "Uprising" last night and just couldnt help crying over the children and see kids Ameys age and bawling!

Sorry I have rambled now....I suppose I just needed to say it all! Sorry if I have offended anyone. I know I have upset myself now...I need to go find the tissues.



Sharon
DH Scott
DD Amey 18/07/03
Bubs #2 EDD 14/11/04

<a href="http://lilypie.com"><img src="http://lilypie.com/days/041114/2/0/0/+10" alt="Lilypie Baby Days" border="0" /></a>

Sharon, I'm so sorry about what you are going through. My heart goes out to you, and i can safely say we're all here for you.

There is no right or wrong way to feel about what you are going through. You shouldn't feel guilty (or that you're dishonouring your baby) about wanting to be pregnant again so fast - you're not trying to replace your bub, like the rest of us, you are just longing to be a mum - wanting a healthy child to cradle and look after. And remember, for months you have been mentally and emotionally preparing yourself for that role and now it has been taken from you, that is the void you want to fill.

I hope that all of us falls preggers again very fast.
I think we deserve it.

Hedley.

Mummy to Evan, stillborn 27wks - 16.4.04

Sharon, I must have posted when you posted and something you say reminds me that this book that i'm reading said that you should ideally wait 6mths after a caesar to try again??

Surely not, i'm gunna go nuts if i have to wait till nearly xmas before i can start trying. It also said that if you fall too soon it can increase changes of a miscarriage. My OB didn't mention any of that - did any of yours?

Hedley

Mummy to Evan, stillborn 27wks - 16.4.04

Hedley - I know you are meant to ideally wait a while after a caesar (Amey was a caesar.) Thats just to make sure the wound has healed. The main thing that the OB said to me was that she wanted me to wait (I remember now) a year between births. Hence the 3 month wait. For me that is in addition to making sure I am healthy and recovered I suppose.

Cheers to falling pregnant soon!



Sharon
DH Scott
DD Amey 18/07/03
Bubs #2 EDD 14/11/04

<a href="http://lilypie.com"><img src="http://lilypie.com/days/041114/2/0/0/+10" alt="Lilypie Baby Days" border="0" /></a>

Hello again!


Hedley - I really hope that you have to wait 6 months. My oB said that I could try as soon as AF came back. Why does it say 6 months????? The ob said my uterus has gone back to normal. I would go nuts as well waiting 6 months. I hope that it dosnt cause miscarriage.

Sharon - I am truley sorry for the horrible decision you had to make. Are any of you from WA? There was a story in the SUnday times where this women found at he 12 week scan that her baby wouldnt survive but has decided to go fullterm, this is her second one like this. I coulnt imagine having to make such a decision.

It is good having this room so we can all be here for everyone and pull us through when we are having a bad day, as hedley said we are all here for each other.

Take care everyone


Tina 27
Dh Matt 32
DS Alex our little angel in heaven 28/04/04 37.3 weeks
TTC#2 - 05/04

View Alex's page www.babiesonline.com/babies/a/alexb

Tina - I would say that the 6 months is to make sure that the scar has healed enough and so there is less of a chance of utrine rupture (although this is such a small %.)
But I have read the same thing with me is that they usually like to have 12months between births.....suppose being safe.



Sharon
DH Scott
DD Amey 18/07/03
Bubs #2 EDD 14/11/04

<a href="http://lilypie.com"><img src="http://lilypie.com/days/041114/2/0/0/+10" alt="Lilypie Baby Days" border="0" /></a>

hi ladies, wow so much to catch up on in one day. okay what did i wanna say.

Okay for me, my specialist said that after a C/S many doctors suggest up to 12 months or some 6 months but when I challenged him on it (I'm a nurse) he said it was mainly due to people believing that you need that length of time to mentally heal. My response was "what a load of crap" I don't think I will ever really heal, but what will help is knowing that I can work towards our goal of bringing home a bub. So we had a long chat and agreed that I could start TTC after 3 cycles including using clomed (fertilty drug I am on) but that no IVF until a year after, this was mainly because I had a vertical C/S due to Piper's small size which is much more major and needs time to heal, also I must have a C/S in future as risk of rupture with contractions is too high. I am okay with this and have kind of resigned myslef to the fact that we will need help again, but am still hoping and trying..

KIM: My AF is due on the 28th aswell, but I will be away from 27th until afternoon of 1st July, I am certainly expecting it, but I guess threre is still a chance. Here's hoping yours stays away, This is our 3rd cycle TTC and the first 2 failures, i really lost it and I have promised myself I won't do it again, so am feeling much more relaxed about it. i just need to give my heart a little break.

SHARON: I am sending you much strength to cope with the weeks ahead, we knew for 2 weeks before Piper's birth that her chances of survival were only 25% so I had some time to work through some of the feelings and plan what I wanted to do if she did pass. Piper lived for 2 weeks and when she passed I was able to do everything I hoped, I also amazed myself how calm I was, although I did not want to admit it, I knew in my heart from the start that she wouldn't make it. If there is anything you want to ask please feel free, i am not sure how much info you have gotten from other lovely ladies, but we might be able to help as I sure we have all done different things at the time with our bubs and also to remember them. We are here for you know and in the future.

ANNETTE: Welcome to our group, I hope your stay is short, I will add you to the list. My first AF after Piper was very very heavy but has returned to normal now.

HEDLEY: Great news your off the medication, lets hope it stays that way, i am on medication for my bp all the time...

TINA: well not much to say seeming we have been emailing today at work, have a good night.

WOW I think this is the first time in my history or EB that i have managed to leave personal messages for so many, you see I have a terrible memory! :-)

Take care. Sandy

TTC since 7/99
DD Piper (IUI)(C/S)
7-22.1.04
TTC#2 now
</font>

This message was edited by SandyR on Monday, 21 June 2004 @ 6:01 PM

Hello Ladies,

Firstly I am so sorry that we are all here - life really takes some explaining at times!!
I am not actually ttc at the moment - I would give anything to be. We lost our little boy "James" on the 07th May this year - it was my fourth pregnancy and he is my third child (I have two gorgeous dds). I shall explain our situation (I have previously on a few different threads) I went for my 18 week scan late so it was actually 21 weeks at this scan it was picked up that my otherwise perfectly healthy boy had a massive dandy walker cyst on his brain. After much soul searching and medical searching our little man was delivered a week later through a hysterotomy (a type of c-section). He was delivered complete (so the placenta and cord still attached to him so that he never relised that his world had changed). I saw my ob last week and he has not recommended actually strongly advised us to not ttc until the end of the year as I have had two previous c-sections as well as the hysterotomy and not only does my scar need to heal but I do as well. I also have had a few other complications with my bladder and kidneys (we are working on them). I miss James with all of my heart and soul and dream daily of the situation being different. I also feel so incredibly out of control of my plan for my life - that probably sounds really pathetic especially since I already have two healthy dds but once we got my infertility undercontrol (all four pregnancies have been concieved with clomid)I thought I would just be able to have my family and now to be told to wait again. I have so much love that needs to be given to my babies and I need another one. I am so concerned that by the time we start to ttc and then it usually takes us a good six months on clomid to concieve the age gap between my living children will be ever lengthening and I am sure by then I will be an emotional mess.
Sorry to have waffled on so much - I am not sure that it should even be in this forum.
Regards Wsh

Hi everyone

Its a bit quite in here today!

Wsh - You areq quite welcome in here, whether you are thinkng about conceiving or trying to concieve. We have all gone through the most horrible thing imaginable and we are all here for each other. Pleae feel free to come in anytime. We know what you are going through and are all here to support you. I think all us here ar emtional messes!

I am a btit depressed tody, thining about my boy. I also spoke to my Ob yesterday, he has sent out a slip for a blood test on day 24 to make sure I am ovulating and it that is ok then he isnt going to do anything else. Now I am really worried it is going to take ages to fall. I will not be able to handle it if it takes ages. I dont know what to think.

well I shall be back later I am sure!.







Tina 27
Dh Matt 32
DS Alex our little angel in heaven 28/04/04 37.3 weeks
TTC#2 - 05/04

View Alex's page www.babiesonline.com/babies/a/alexb

Hi Chicks

Im having a bugger of a day today, gosh I feel like Im going around the bend or something. last night I did a OPK and I thought that I was O'ing. I thought the faint pink line next to the c line was O time but it was in negative so my hopes were up so much till I read the pamphlet properly, then I got back slamed down to earth again.

Tina, I too am very depressed thinking about my little Cameron. Its so hard!!! Do you and any of the others, have good days? than the next have shockers? It has been happening to me alot. Did you have trouble before trying to fall pregnant with Alex? If so do they know the reason why? at what time while TTC did you go the OB with the problem? Sorry, if Im being nosey? Im feeling that I wont TTC either It happened very quickly last time. I have these strange thought's that someting has happened and I wont O. GOD Im going mad. I think Im just being silly, everyday lately there has been problems that I think about and they are all different from the previous day. The bottom line I think I just creating problems for myself. Lucky I have you gals to tell these thought's to, cause people who haven't been what we have gone through would think there was someting wrong with us.

Take Care

Annette (28)
DB Troy (28)
Cameron (40.3wks) My precious little Star
TTC #2 06/04

Tina - That is so my fear. That it is going to take 2yrs again.

Sharon
DH Scott
DD Amey 18/07/03
Bubs #2 EDD 14/11/04

<a href="http://lilypie.com"><img src="http://lilypie.com/days/041114/2/0/0/+10" alt="Lilypie Baby Days" border="0" /></a>

Hi Ladies

Let me introduce myself - I'm Kerrie. I normally lurk around the Babies Born Early forum as I have preemies. Technically this probably isn't the 100% correct forum for me, but because of my fears of having another baby die, I think I fit here best. I know I don't below in the "trying for a baby" area.

My background - after 2 m/c, I had a beautiful son, Nicholas, at 30.6 weeks (Dec 00). Nicholas died when he was 9 days old due to complications of prematurity/me having a crap placenta.

We then went on to have Ben (born at 27 wks in Aug 01).

We are currently TTC, I did get pg in Jan but had a m/c in March. I can cope with m/c, its have a big baby at the end that doesn't make it that absolutely terrifies me, which is why I think I fit here the best. Even though losing Nicholas was 3.5 yrs ago, it absolutely terrifies me that it could happen again, as I will 100% have another preemie.

Currently in the middle of my 2WW, AF due around 29th but DH was away around the crucial time, so unless some sperm hung out in a dark corner, not getting my hopes up.

I was reading someone's message about having c/s close together - I had Nick in the December by emergency c/s, then Ben the following August by emergency c/s - 8 months apart - no problems at all, no problems healing. Having said that - because Ben came out at 27 weeks, I hadn't got enormous, so there wasn't huge pressure on my scar, but my OB wasn't concerned that there would be a problem. Like Sandy said, its more to do with healing mentally. For me, I had to have another baby or I would have gone mental.

Kerrie
m/c Feb,Oct 99
^i^ Nick 13-22/12/00 @ 30wks
Ben 25/8/01 @ 27wks
m/c Mar 04, TTC
http://www.babiesonline.com/babies/w/weejimmy/

Hi girls hope all is well.
Welcome to our new members, i'm sort of glad that we have women with all different experiences that can share their stories.
Welcome Wsh & Kerrie, you're both more than welcome to join us - i think we're all in the same boat, we're scared that it's going to take us a long time to fall.
Kerrie, it was good to hear about your caesar experience, six months is a long time to wait...

Annette-Maree, i know EXACTLY how you feel. I can have three or four really good days, then i'll wake up one morning and struggle to get through the day at work and bawl my eyes out when i get home. I suppose it will happen like that for a long time. Gosh, my MIL lost a baby girl in 1966 and she says that she thinks about her most days - its going to be with us for the rest of our lives.

Hedley...





Mummy to Evan, stillborn 27wks - 16.4.04

Hi Gals

Don't worry Im not going to ramble on again LOL.

Just in re: about the c/s bit. A friend had her first baby last April 03 then gave birth last week to her secound again by c/s. She had to be operated on an hour after her baby was delivered as her scar didn't repair from last time. So it looks like she will not be able to have another baby for another 2 years. I think it all depends on how good of a healer you all are (what your skin is like) besides her first baby was 8lb something and this one was 7lb something.

Bye for now

Hi Ladies,

I am just curious as to whether your al happy with haveing the seperate thread..and making sure you all dont mind having the stillborns/neonatel..all together..

I also have to do a reminder as moderator..that...ALL..Photos must be 120x120 in size or smaller..I have Pmed some of you...

Cheers
Rowy

Proud Mumma to Marcus..24/06/03

Hey Peoples

Annette Maree - I agree! I have bad days and good days. For me it is worse at night time or the first thing in the morning. I don think a day has gone by where I havent cried over Alex. He is constantly on my mind. Every hour of every day I think about him. (bit hard not to when I have photos of him everywhere!)
I have had every test done, a laproscopy(sp?), hsytroscopy, my tubes checked. I do have PCOS which comes and goes. If it hasent happened by christmas I will be demanding something be done. I really dont know how I am going to cope if I dont fall pregnant this time. I am in for a big fall I think, as I will be trying harder than I ever had before! (like bd'ing every night from days 11 through to 16!). Annette - you are NOT going mad, we all have weird thought all the time, I think it is all part of the grieving for our babies and wanting to be pg again. are you in the middle of your cycle and shoud be o'ing???? why dont you ask your docter to be tested for o'ing. I am.

Kerrie- welcome to our little group. I hope your stay here is short and sweet, just like the rest of us hope too! I am glad to hear about the ceasers not being a problem.

Rowy - I dont mind this thread being stillborn/neonatel.

Annette - I think that it all depends on the person you are. I can not wait another 6 months. Its a risk I am willing to take. I think the majourity of people are ok to try again straight away or the OB's would say do not get pregnant fo r * months. My docter is fine with it and i am going to trust him!




Tina 27
Dh Matt 32
DS Alex our little angel in heaven 28/04/04 37.3 weeks
TTC#2 - 05/04

View Alex's page www.babiesonline.com/babies/a/alexb

Rowy, i don't mind who wants to join us...that's cool.

Hedley

Mummy to Evan, stillborn 27wks - 16.4.04

Rowy I'd welcome anyone who wants to join.

Tina I agree with the c/s, No I wouldn't be able to have to wait either especially what we have been through, I just put that in the post beacause I thought it might of been interesting as my friends skin wasn't healed properly. Yeh, I don't care either of how much pain Im in. I'll go through physical pain anyday than the heart ache pain that we are going through now. At least the c/s pain is gone in a couple of wks? Im not sure when I O because my AF went for 10 days so I think it should of been last week. Do you have pictures of Alex on your desk at work? I do.

I have been to the babies online with Alex and Lilly and I tell you all they are the most precious things. I was telling my DB last night of the lovely photos. I can't remember why I didn't take heaps and heaps of photo's of Cameron, I tell you I could really kick myself if I could reach. I only took about 11 photos of my little Cameron. But, I surpose the memory still remains. Tina and Kim I don't even know you and Im so proud of your efforts.

Take Care

Annette Mummy to Cameron

PS Hello to Hedley, Jo etc

Hi everyone, a very quick one for me, I am terribly sick, I am having my second lot of severe tonsilitis in 2 weeks, I only finished the antibiotics 6 days ago. I have been in the little country hic hospital most of the day getting blood test and IV antibiotics and am due to go back for more at 6pm. I have fevers and aches etc and am pretty much miserable.

Ladies, anyone wanting to join the list, please post your details.

ROWY: I would really like the group to be stillbirth/neonatal loss as I feel like if there are any ladies that understand it is all of us, although our situations are all different we all have had to experience that horrible moment when we hold our babies for the last time.

Till next time, oh and I can't remember who asked, but yes the intense grief does ease, I used to cry everday, now it is only a few times a week, and sometimes totally out of the blue, my worst times are in bed at night. I don;t think we wil ever stop grieving, but the loss of our little ones just become part of our heart.

Take care everyone

TTC since 7/99
DD Piper (IUI)(C/S)
7-22.1.04
TTC#2 now
</font>

Hi Everyone

About time they got rid of that 5 discussions a page it was driving me up the wall.

Sharon - you are such a strong person to have made the decsion you have, and after holding Lilly I know I would make the exact same choice. Take all the time with your percious baby just today I was thinking to my self why did I leave hospital in the morning why didn't we stay until the afternoon I just wish I had more time with her, but I am sure I would have thought that no matter when I gave her up.

Hedely - It is great to hear that you have gone off your medication lets hope you can stay off it.

Wsh - You are more than welcome her I am sorry to hear about your little boy.

Tina - Here's hoping that everything shows up okay with your blood test.

Annette - I totally have my good days and bad days although there aren't many good days at the moment. I packed up some of Lilly's cards and things and put them away in a little keepsake box and held the clothes she wore in hospital and just bawled my eyes out I wish she was here. I having been having soem pretty bad days since coing back from Darwin. You aren't going mad about when you will O I know I have the same thing and I feel with Lilly the first month.

Kerrie - You are more than welcome here, I am so sorry to heat about Nicholas and your m/c I still keep asking myself why is life so cruel such innocent little babies it just doesn't seem fair.

Sandy - Sorry here you aren't feeling well you really are having a bad run of it at the moment I hope you are feeling better soon.

I still haven't heard about Lilly's ashes I thought I would give them one extra day but tell you tomorrow they are really going coep an ear full. Tina I don't know much about it all as my FIL organized the everything as he works at the furneral home we used, so I am thinking that it may partly be his fault too I am just really angry about it.

Baby Dust to everyone

Kim
Lilly "Born an Angel 06/05/04"

http://www.babiesonline.com/babies/l/lillymaree

Hi

Just me again. I thought maybe we needed to talk about something a bit more cheerful and maybe introduce ourselves a bit better. I will start

Me: Kim
Age: 27
Live: Brisbane
Occ: Unemployed (previously admin manager)
DH: Jeff
DH Occ: Carpenter
Married: 3 yrs
Pets: Staffy Zoe

Tina I remember you mentioning that you are travelling to Sydney and Brisbane soon is there a special occasion or just a chance to get away.

I am heading to Sydney with my mum for 2 wks on the 20th July to get away and visit some friends and then when I get back I think I will look into doing so temp work.

Feel free to add some happy news people.

Take care everyone

Kim
Lilly "Born an Angel 06/05/04"

http://www.babiesonline.com/babies/l/lillymaree

I feel weird being in here as my baby is still with me...you guys all know and feel what I am going through so I feel at home here a bit more.
I am also wanting to start TTC again as soon as Im aloud to. Although like I have said before in a post I feel weird posting here.
I cant bring myself to take the timeline off yet either. I have a couple of weeks left with that. I hope I dont offend anyone by posting here....

In one way I have already lost my baby but physically and emotionally I havent.






Sharon
DH Scott
DD Amey 18/07/03
Bubs #2 EDD 14/11/04

<a href="http://lilypie.com"><img src="http://lilypie.com/days/041114/2/0/0/+10" alt="Lilypie Baby Days" border="0" /></a>

More formal introduction from me:

Me: Kerrie
Age: 35 (am I the oldest one here??)
Live: Sydney
Occ: Part time WP Operator in law firm - 3 days
DH: Peter
DH Occ: Manager, 4WD store
Married: 6.5 yrs
Pets: 0
Children: Nicholas (an angel); Ben (will be 3 in August, has cerebral palsy)

Kerrie
m/c Feb,Oct 99
^i^ Nick 13-22/12/00 @ 30wks
Ben 25/8/01 @ 27wks
m/c Mar 04, TTC
http://www.babiesonline.com/babies/w/weejimmy/

Hey Peoples

Ok here are my details

Me - Tina
Age - 27
LIve - Perth
Occ: Used Car clerk
Dh - Matt
Dh occ - Shed erector
Married: 2.5 years
Pets : Sandy and Ebony - both kelpie x's
children - alexander - born an angel.

Kim - We are going to sydney for a family renunion wih Dh's family. They live all around australia and we are meeting at a central point. It will be hard as we were supposed to be taking Alex with us, even the tickets say one baby . The trip to brisbane is just to get away.

Annette - Yes I have a picture of alex on my desk and he is my wallpaper on my computer both at work and home and on my phone!

Sandy - I hope you start to feel better soon! Thinking of you. Get better soon.

Sharon - you are quite welcome here, I hope that you get ideas from us on how to remember your little guy, there are so many things that I wished I could of done but I just didnt think of at the time. It is not something you think of, all I wanted to do was hold him constantly. I dont think any of us will ever looseour babies emotionly. I dont think we ever will. OUr babies will forever be in our hearts.

Did I tell you guys that I got my personal plates for my car yesterday? I am sooo happy with them. They are Alex's nickname so he kinda around my car all the time, and the meaning is special to me and matt. I love them!

Well I suppose I should get some sleep!





Tina 27
Dh Matt 32
DS Alex our little angel in heaven 28/04/04 37.3 weeks
TTC#2 - 05/04

View Alex's page www.babiesonline.com/babies/a/alexb