I've been ttc since August 02, and recently lost my second baby. I think I might be going crazy. All I can think about is holding my future baby in my arms and it's really making me relive what I've lost. Every cycle I really convince myself that I'm pregnant, and then, when I get my period, I am devistated. I hate the time waiting to see if I am pregnant or not. I don't know why it is taking me so long to concieve, and why some women get pregnant straight away. I pray to God, all the Saints, my dear Mum in heaven, and to the two babies I lost...but I still am yet to get pregnant again, or have a baby. I cry every day. And when I go and see friend's at hospital with their babies, or when people tell me they are pregnant, I completely break down and cry. I know that I am no saint myself, but I have always loved children, and wanted children of my own...I've always wanted a big family.
I really miss the babies I lost to miscarriage, and really hope and pray that when I get pregnant again, I can give birth to a healthy baby or babies.
Sometimes the pain I feel in my heart is unbearable...what keeps me going is the hope that one day I will physically be a Mum.