I've been ttc since August 02, and recently lost my second baby. I think I might be going crazy. All I can think about is holding my future baby in my arms and it's really making me relive what I've lost. Every cycle I really convince myself that I'm pregnant, and then, when I get my period, I am devistated. I hate the time waiting to see if I am pregnant or not. I don't know why it is taking me so long to concieve, and why some women get pregnant straight away. I pray to God, all the Saints, my dear Mum in heaven, and to the two babies I lost...but I still am yet to get pregnant again, or have a baby. I cry every day. And when I go and see friend's at hospital with their babies, or when people tell me they are pregnant, I completely break down and cry. I know that I am no saint myself, but I have always loved children, and wanted children of my own...I've always wanted a big family.
I really miss the babies I lost to miscarriage, and really hope and pray that when I get pregnant again, I can give birth to a healthy baby or babies.
Sometimes the pain I feel in my heart is unbearable...what keeps me going is the hope that one day I will physically be a Mum.




Kindest Regards,
Nefertiti

Hello.
I just wanted to let you know that what you are feeling is normal. I too have been trying to conceive for some time as well and I have felt all the emotions that you describe. If you feel like it's really getting you down day after day and effecting your life in every way, you should see your local Dr to check that you are not depressed. It's not uncommon for woman TTC over a fair period of time to feel this way. Are you seeking any other fertility help?. Maybe you could see a gyno and have a talk about TTC and start an action plan. Action plans are great because they help you remain positive, you feel like you are doing something ( even if it doesn't help straight away). Maybe you have a support group in your local area. If you ring your hospital they will be able to give you the number of a group and you will be able to share your feelings with woman that feel just like you. You might even make some new friends that will help take your mind of the terrible 2 week wait. I say if baby showers and seeing friends with babies upset you, then dont go at least until you feel strong enough that you can. Do things that make you feel good about yourself,at least something everyday, it only has to be small, maybe a 10 minute walk or a new hair style. Some woman write in journals, they write their feelings down and a lot of them say it helps them alot. Remember that grief for everyone is a personal thing. There is no time limit. I hope that I have helped you a little. Take care.
Danielle.

Me-30, DH-30, DD-8, DS-5
Some people ask "Why me?"..I ask myself " Why not?"..<a href="http://www.snugglepie.com"><img border="0" src="http://www.snugglepie.com/tickers/ttc.php?ydue=2004&mdue=6&ddue=26&bgstyle=bear.png&fgstyle=DUMMY.png"></a>

Hello

You are not alone. Fof the past two nights all I have dreamt about being pregnant. I feel like a failure, the only time I got pregnant in 4 years, I lose at 37 weeks. I too wish nothing more than to hold a baby in my arms, and always wonder why me? What have I ever done that is so wrong? At times I really hate god for taking my son away and not letting me take a baby home. I just have to NOT let him bet me and keep trying and trying till I get it. I hope that you and I both have a healthy baby on the way.
Thinking of you

Tina 27

<a href="http://www.snugglepie.com"><img border="0" src="http://www.snugglepie.com/tickers/ttc.php?ydue=2004&mdue=6&ddue=17&bgstyle=teddy.png&fgstyle=gstar.png"></a>

Nefetiti
I agree with Danielle. I am so sorry you are having a tough time of it and I can totally relate. I too have had two m/c's and feel a constant sadness. Lately that has translated to an awful lot of tears. I had a terrible couple of months at the end of last year and had to take 2 months off work as I was bascially suffering from exhaustion.

Danielle had some great advice. You must go and see your GP and if you don't like your GP try another one. Its very important that you are able to function in your daily life otherwise it maybe that you are suffering from depression (not an uncommon or unlikely scenario after what you have been though). And it won't help you healthwise if you are. Your GP or Gyno should be able to help.

Have you had some counselling?? There are a number of free services that can assist if you ask your GP. Alternatively these days a lot of employers offer free confidentail counselling services through an outsourced company. Do you work for a big company? Check out their employee assistance programs. My company offered free confidential counselling. I went for a couple of months and it really helped.

The counselling can make a big difference.

Also have you tried some relaxation techniques. They help you to calm down and put you to put yourself more intouch and incontrol of your emotions. I found meditation helped me a lot.

I hope you are feeling better. Don't feel alone. there are a lot of us that have been there!!!!


Kylie (32)
DH (36)
TTC #1 Since March 2003,Endo,1 Lap
M/C "Peanut" (girl)20/10/2003 9 weeks
M/C "Twinkle" (boy)11/02/2004 8 weeks
Feel the Fear and do it anyway!

This message was edited by Fraseky on Wednesday, 14 July 2004 @ 11:06 PM

This is my first time on this site, but I must say I understand the emotions involved when you see others having babies or just became pregnant have healthy pregnancies. I too had two m/c's and I felt like my heart was going to be totally crushed. I would get very emotional when I saw my friend becoming pregnant. I must say that the two pregnancies were miracles to begin with. Now I am pregnant again and it has been very hard. I had to take some time off and rest most of the time. My doctor have put me on hormones and baby aspirin every day. The extra hormones have made me a little dizzy and emotional at times. I am praying though and believing that this miracle will be the one. I can only advice hang in there, emotions will come and go, but faith is a constant. Have faith God will bring you through this just as He has me. Wishing you well and I will be praying for you. Ps. When I read all of the replies it really touched me. Thank you for being there for each other. I believe I have found some new friends.

sonrisaesvida

Thanks for all your kind words and advice. I really appreciate it. I think I am depressed, and I will try to do something about it soon...I just can't function like this anymore. I really don't have anyone to turn to about this, except you guys. So Thanks heaps for your replies...it's good to know that I am not the only person who has to go through this, and that there are other people who feel the same way I do. Still I think that I need help.
Everyday is the same for me...I have lost my motivation, my soul / spirit is breaking, my heart is broken. If I don't feel sad and I am crying, I am numb, and am just doing everything on auto-pilot. I long for a baby, and just want some happiness in my life.

Thanks once again for all your replies.

My prayers are with you all.



Kindest Regards,
Nefertiti

Hi Nefertiti

I'm so sorry for your loss and the hard situation you find yourself. I can totally relate. Although I have a 2.5 y.o. I have been TTC for 1.5 years and have also suffered a MC. I find that I am constantly thinking about having another baby. Every single day I think about it.

I ended up going to the Jocelyn centre in sydney which helps couples TTC and who have had fertililty problems or M/Cs. The hardest part has been trying not to conceive for 4 months (while your body gets healthier). The reason I thought I'd mention it is because it has really changed how I feel. Before I felt like I had no control now I feel like I am actively doing something to give me a positive outcome. Anything that gives you the feeling of being in control and positive has to be a good thing. Whether this is seeing a speacialist, talking to a psychologist etc putting yourself back in the drivers wheel is so empowering.

I hope this helps
Rebecca