I had a m/c on the 2nd of May and now I am terrified that it will happen again if I get preg.
My DH says that I just need time to get over the whole thing but I am not interested in anything to do with BDing at all and can't stand him touching me in a non platonic way.
I know it hasn't been that long but my DH is keen to start trying again as soon as the dr has given us the all clear but I'm really scared of going through this all again.
Did anyone else feel this way after a m/c and did they get over it? I don't know what I should do...

Lulu

Hi LuLu

I m/c Nov 2004 and couldn't have sex for a couple of weeks with DH, mainly because I felt the foetus come out and the thought of having sex just didn't feel right. Also the emotional aspect played a big part. Feelings of anger, vulnerability, grief and confusion. DH was great with me.

We ttc straight after and fell pregnant Feb 05, only to m/c again in April. This time I am seeing a Naturopath to get my cycle regular (irregular from day 1 + I have PCOS). DH would like to ttc asap, but I am not physically (need to lose weight first) or emotionally ready yet. We will ttc again in July.

The best advice I can offer is to keep up communication with DH. Tell him how you felt and feel about the m/c and ttc. You need him to understand how you are feeling and what you are going through, otherwise you may begin to resent him for not understanding. How can they, as they go through something completely different then what we do.

Joining a local support group can also help. I have arranged (through SANDS) to have coffee at my place once a month, for other sufferers of miscarriage/infant loss.

"We are pressed on every side by troubles, but we are not crushed and broken. We are perplexed but do not give up and quit". 2 Corinthians 4:8

This bible verse and many many prayers have helped me over the past months.

I pray that in God's time, you and DH will be blessed with your precious baby.

This message was edited by LozGus on Wednesday, 11 May 2005 @ 3:19 PM

Dear Lulu, I am sorry to hear you had to experience a M/C and you have been having a hard time thinking about ttc.
As you mentioned it is only very recent so don't be too hard on yourself so soon. You need to take time to grieve and deal with what you have just gone through.
I know my situation is not necessarily the same but I do understand how you feel about being scared to ttc after a loss. We lost our daughter at 39 weeks and I was really afraid to try again as I felt I couldn't protect my child, and I felt I should have been able too. I know this is not even logical cause really you can't, but at the time you are so all over the place emotionally its hard to know what you feel.
We had to wait the usual 3 months as it was a normal labour and almost fullterm which was a good thing as it gave me time to deal with my grief and to try and understand everything in my head. Greif is a strange thing and it makes you think silly things too.
Give yourself some time to adjust to what has happened and you will know when you are ready to ttc again.
I found initially my fear of loosing another baby was greater than my need for another baby, but then in time this changed and my need for another baby was greater than my fear. So I new that it was what I wanted to do. In time, I am sure in your heart you will know when the time is right.
I hope that knowing you are completely normal helps just a little bit!!
Good luck and when you are ready I hope you have mych success in ttc again.
love Kylie

Kylie
DH
Alexis Ivy
Born our angel-12.2.04 (39 Weeks)
"Our Little Ray of Sunshine"
http://www.babiesonline.com/babies/a/alexis12204/

Lulu, firstly I am sorry for your loss. I too had a M/C last July, but had a D&C, and it took me awhile to want to do anything intimate fro a few weeks. My DH was very worried about coming near me too as i was very upset and sore for awhile.
Take time to grieve and it is VERY normal to have the feelings you are having. I am sure if you talk it over with your DH he will understand.

Good Luck

Caroline
ME 27
DH Mat 29
DS JACK (22/05/02)
M/C (01/07/04)
2 DDogs
<a href="http://lilypie.com"><img src="http://lilypie.com/baby3/020522/0/2/1/+10" alt="Lilypie Baby Days" border="0"

EDD 20/06/05 : A GIRL!! :C/S Date Unknown????
<a href="http://lilypie.com"><img src="http://lilypie.com/days/050620/0/25/0/+10" alt="Lilypie Baby Days" border="0" /></a>

This message was edited by cazbir on Wednesday, 11 May 2005 @ 5:33 PM

Hi Lulu

Sorry to hear about your recent loss and that you are having trouble dealing with certain issues but the one thing you have to remember is that you are not alone and everything that you are experiencing and feeling now is very normal as others have also said.
Losing a life inside you no matter how far along you are is the hardest thing to deal with and in time you too will deal with it just like alot of us that write in here.
It does take time as some of the other ladies have said and the most important thing now is keeping the communication lines open with your DH as sometimes he is the only one around you and closet to you that understands most of what you are going thru. Although they do not have to go thru the physical side they too are emotionally scared and my fiance was the same wanted to conceive again straight away but myself I was not ready and once we talked about things and both got our feelings about the loss out in the open it was alot easier to deal with as we did it together and I think that is the most important thing.
I also found this site was a great help for me as my emotional rollarcoaster got a bit out of control as with my last m/c I did not get my period again after my d&c and conceived again straight away (sorry about the good news) and I tell you my head was spinning out of control so fast. I was so scared because you always get told to wait until your body is back to normal before ttc again but that wasn't the case for me anyway my constant thoughts have been about losing this one as well and have I done the right thing and praying that the baby with be ok and not knowing how far along I was till last week was a nightmare.
Just remember that you are not alone and we are here anytime you need to chat as sometimes sharing your experience and knowing you are not alone is one of the best therapy's there is.
Goodluck with everything from now on.


Christine

m/c jun 99
m/c feb 01
DD 17th April 2002
m/c feb 05 (blighted ovum)
EDD 7th Dec 2005

This message was edited by cjb78 on Thursday, 12 May 2005 @ 4:39 PM

Lulu, just wanted to say I'm really sorry for what you have been through, and to reassure you that what you are feeling is quite normal. At least it was the samw for me. I didn't want my DH to touch me in that way for a while, and when we first BD'd I felt quite strange, all I could think of was the m/c. It's been a few weeks now, and things are pretty much back to normal, but I know if we get pg again I will be terrified of the same thing happening.

Me 35 DH 41
Unexplained Infertility
TTC June 01
4 x IUI (2 cancelled)
1st IVF Dec 04 BFN
2nd IVF Feb/Mar 05 M/C 9 weeks

Hi Lulu

I am sorry for your loss, we lost our angels on the same day.

This is my 2nd m/c within 13 months and this time I have no interest in bd'g with DF. mainly because I had a d&c and am abit sore and also for fear of falling pregnant again. DF would use other alternatives i.y.k.w.i.m but I am not ready yet.

Take time to get over it - it's still abit hormonal adjustment and tell your hubby what you are feeling.

Good luck x

Donna 32
Hubby to be 33
M/C April 04 (10 weeks)
M/C(Twins)May 05 (6.5 weeks)
<a href="http://daisyPath.com"><img src="http://daisyPath.com/days/051105/0/2/+10/1" alt="Daisypath Ticker" border="0" /></a>

lulu, firstly sorry for your loss, i had a m/c last year.. and was so upset about losing the baby i had only know about for 6weeks..i decided with my hubby that we really wanted to have a baby and after a month decided to try again... i was lucky and fell again the following month.. i was scared about losing the baby.. had some spots of blood and went into a huge panic.. the first ultrasound was so scary as that is how i found out i had m/c.. and then you see this little body moving about.... i know it is hard and very scary.. and if you are like me you will think will i ever be able to have a baby etc... but then again you might be able to have lots... i hope you take the time you need to feel better..

I just wanted to say thankyou so much for all your wonderful advice and support.
I am so relieved to realise that I am not the only woman in the world to have these strange feelings and thoughts

I went back to my gp yesterday for the normal check after a m/c and she said everything is fine and we can BD "like rabbits" if we want to, or not. She also has reassured me that just because this happened once doesn't mean it will happen again.

My DH and I have been having big chats too, instead of "putting this in an imaginary box and not looking at it for a few years" which is what I have been tempted to do.

Thanks again and good luck with all your baby ambitions!

xxLulu