Hi There,
My DD has a Mild Developmental Delay, Microcephaly, Low Muscle Tone, Sensory Processing Disorder & Social Skills Problems. DD started school this year and was put on a social skills program for 5 weeks because she has no idea of personal space and is constantly in your face she also struggles with fine motor.
I took DD to see an OT about 8 weeks ago and the OT said she has Sensory Behavioural/Sensory Meltdowns most of the meltdowns occur between DD & my DH. My DH is intolerable of her screaming, does not like DD being loud and banging. DH deals with DD by picking her up and putting her in her room and saying you need to stay there until you stop screaming of course she plays up on that and gets DH so frustrated by the sreaming. DD even gets to the stage where she has so much anger by being put in her room that she has destroyed a draw, broken a lamp and messed up her room. My DH cannot ignore it when DD has tantrum and goes into her room and holds her down and I often hear let me go "let me go".
Then there is at therapy Occupational Therapy & Speech Pathology where DD just does not want to do anything and is just out of control there as well. I am thinking when I take DD to Speech Pathology next time I will take a reward like chips or chocolate and if she listens to what the therapist has to say then she will get a reward. The Case Worker from Burnside saw what she did at OT the other day and asked me if it is really worth taking DD therapy. I feel that DD will get further behind.
Without a diagnosis she cannot get any help at school.
I also at one stage lost it and booked in to see a Psychologist who has noticed some unusual social things happening in the way she asks questions etc. The Microcephaly & the Sensory Processing Disorder are both Neurological. I am just wondering whether I should take my DD to see a Neurologist the same one that I took my DS too.
DH thinks I am in the wrong and I do not parent DD properly and does not see DD as having a problem. Any advise would be great.
Kim
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Full Version: 6YO DD Out Of Control - Need Advise Urgently
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Well, first of, your Dh isn't parenting 'properly' by hold your daughter down when she's losing it. If she has a mild delay and sensory issues - is could very well be adding trauma to the mix by doing this.
If I were you I'd follow my instinct about seeing a neurologist. If you can get some sort of diagnosis which leads to help at school, that would only be to your daughter's benefit.
Is there any way to can reward your daughter which does not involve food - using food as reward can lead to other problems for her down the track. Are there activities she enjoys you could promise for later?
If I were you I'd follow my instinct about seeing a neurologist. If you can get some sort of diagnosis which leads to help at school, that would only be to your daughter's benefit.
Is there any way to can reward your daughter which does not involve food - using food as reward can lead to other problems for her down the track. Are there activities she enjoys you could promise for later?
Your poor DD 
Your husband is being a complete a*se. I suspect half your dd's problems are at least escalated by her father. Has he attended any appointments? Perhaps he will listen to the HPs and their advice on how to handle your dd's behaviour. Have you seen a developmental paediatrician? It might be better to start from there and get a formal diagnosis. Good luck - I hope your dh changes his attitude.
Your husband is being a complete a*se. I suspect half your dd's problems are at least escalated by her father. Has he attended any appointments? Perhaps he will listen to the HPs and their advice on how to handle your dd's behaviour. Have you seen a developmental paediatrician? It might be better to start from there and get a formal diagnosis. Good luck - I hope your dh changes his attitude.
QUOTE
I am thinking when I take DD to Speech Pathology next time I will take a reward like chips or chocolate and if she listens to what the therapist has to say then she will get a reward.
Good idea. We use lots of rewards for my son during his therapy and it works well to motivate him. Chocolate frogs (one at the very end) or games he likes to play, stickers are pretty good currency too. We also use a visual schedule so he knows what to expect during the session.
I also second the suggestion of a developmental paed. And make your DH come along. There are also plenty of parenting courses available for these types of situations. He needs to change his tactics as they are not working. He is more in control of his behaviour than your DD is of hers and he needs to step up and realise this.
Hey Kim:
I tend not to recycle replies when I'm on EB, but I totally remember a thread that you wrote at the beginning of this year. I think what I said back in January is even more applicable now:
As the others have written, your husband has to get on board. It's as simple as that.
You guys have to have a "unified" front in working with your daughter -- otherwise, any gains you make with her could be undone by your husband.
Definitely book in with a good developmental paed. I think I have PMed some recommendations to you in the past, but if not (or if you've misplaced them), I'd be happy to send another PM. With a child as complicated as yours, you need someone who really has the full cross-dimensional perspective. Your husband needs to be at that appointment.
If he's being an ass about it, tell him you are booking in with a developmental paed to settle your conflicting views once and for all. There is no way a developmental paed is going to tell you that your daughter's issues are solely due to your parenting style. Your husband needs to hear that.
I am so sorry. From this and other posts, it sounds like you don't have the type of emotional support from your husband that you deserve. It is hard enough parenting a child or children with extra needs without also having to deal with an uncooperative partner.
I really hope that things improve soon. Hang in there and just take it one day at a time.
ETA: We use positive reinforcement with our daughter as well. She has ASD. It used to take the form of treats (we used spoonfuls of Betty Crocker chocolate icing to potty train her because it was the only thing that motivated her!) Using food as a reiforcement isn't sustainable over the long haul, but it can be a good short term motivator with little kids. If there are other things -- stickers, small toys, special games -- that you can use to excite your daughter and get her to take part in activities, all the better.
I tend not to recycle replies when I'm on EB, but I totally remember a thread that you wrote at the beginning of this year. I think what I said back in January is even more applicable now:
QUOTE (baddmammajamma @ 07/01/2012, 11:21 AM) 
Hi Kim:
I'm really sorry you are going through such a tough time with your daughter.
If you are looking at a possible diagnosis of ODD or a related issue, I would strongly suggest having your husband involved in whatever appointments you have with professionals (and if that is not feasilble, then at least see if he can come to any session where a diagnosis or professional judgment will be shared).
This might help him "get on board" and help you develop a game plan together, as opposed to you being the parent who has to drive everything or you being viewed as the parent who is "making excuses" for her behavior. On a related note, it's unclear from your post what type of paed you will be seeing in February, but I would recommend seeing a developmental paed instead of a generalist paed, as they are the true experts in developmental disorders in kids and will look across all aspects of your daughter's profile to see if there are things that are amiss.
Have you seen a child psychologist who specializes in behavioral issues? If you haven't already done so, I would suggest finding one as soon as possible -- not in lieu of seeing a medical doctor but in addition to. That way, you can get some professional guidance in how to put into place some strategies for home/at school to help your daughter manage her behavior and emotions.
I am hoping that some parents whose kids have ODD will weigh in with their experiences. Even though my daughter doesn't have ODD, she does have ASD -- and some of the behavioral management strategies (setting clear rules and expectations for the child’s behavior, placing clear/consistent limits on inappropriate behaviors, and positive reiforcements for appropriate behaviors) we've been given are used to help children with a range of developmental issues.
Is your daughter already working with an OT to address her fine motor issues?
Again, I am so sorry that you have so much on your plate. I think there are times when conventional parenting books/at home remedies can work well with kids, and other times when tailored, professional advice in really warranted. From what you've shared, it sounds like your situation falls into the later category.
Good luck & I really hope that things settle down soon.
I'm really sorry you are going through such a tough time with your daughter.
If you are looking at a possible diagnosis of ODD or a related issue, I would strongly suggest having your husband involved in whatever appointments you have with professionals (and if that is not feasilble, then at least see if he can come to any session where a diagnosis or professional judgment will be shared).
This might help him "get on board" and help you develop a game plan together, as opposed to you being the parent who has to drive everything or you being viewed as the parent who is "making excuses" for her behavior. On a related note, it's unclear from your post what type of paed you will be seeing in February, but I would recommend seeing a developmental paed instead of a generalist paed, as they are the true experts in developmental disorders in kids and will look across all aspects of your daughter's profile to see if there are things that are amiss.
Have you seen a child psychologist who specializes in behavioral issues? If you haven't already done so, I would suggest finding one as soon as possible -- not in lieu of seeing a medical doctor but in addition to. That way, you can get some professional guidance in how to put into place some strategies for home/at school to help your daughter manage her behavior and emotions.
I am hoping that some parents whose kids have ODD will weigh in with their experiences. Even though my daughter doesn't have ODD, she does have ASD -- and some of the behavioral management strategies (setting clear rules and expectations for the child’s behavior, placing clear/consistent limits on inappropriate behaviors, and positive reiforcements for appropriate behaviors) we've been given are used to help children with a range of developmental issues.
Is your daughter already working with an OT to address her fine motor issues?
Again, I am so sorry that you have so much on your plate. I think there are times when conventional parenting books/at home remedies can work well with kids, and other times when tailored, professional advice in really warranted. From what you've shared, it sounds like your situation falls into the later category.
Good luck & I really hope that things settle down soon.
As the others have written, your husband has to get on board. It's as simple as that.
You guys have to have a "unified" front in working with your daughter -- otherwise, any gains you make with her could be undone by your husband.
Definitely book in with a good developmental paed. I think I have PMed some recommendations to you in the past, but if not (or if you've misplaced them), I'd be happy to send another PM. With a child as complicated as yours, you need someone who really has the full cross-dimensional perspective. Your husband needs to be at that appointment.
If he's being an ass about it, tell him you are booking in with a developmental paed to settle your conflicting views once and for all. There is no way a developmental paed is going to tell you that your daughter's issues are solely due to your parenting style. Your husband needs to hear that.
I am so sorry. From this and other posts, it sounds like you don't have the type of emotional support from your husband that you deserve. It is hard enough parenting a child or children with extra needs without also having to deal with an uncooperative partner.
I really hope that things improve soon. Hang in there and just take it one day at a time.
ETA: We use positive reinforcement with our daughter as well. She has ASD. It used to take the form of treats (we used spoonfuls of Betty Crocker chocolate icing to potty train her because it was the only thing that motivated her!) Using food as a reiforcement isn't sustainable over the long haul, but it can be a good short term motivator with little kids. If there are other things -- stickers, small toys, special games -- that you can use to excite your daughter and get her to take part in activities, all the better.
Hi There,
Thanks for all your replies. I went to see a General Pead who did training at Westmead Children's Hospital. I am seriously thinking of taking DD down to the Sydney Development Centre to get a diagnosis or after I get a report from the Psychologist, OT, Physio and the Mid Year School Report take her back to the Pead and demand action as back in 2008 the Pead at the time though there was something Genetic going on and referred us on to a Geneticist. We went to see a Geneticist and in 2010 and they could not diagnose DD. DD also has heart problems as well. My DS has a appointment coming up with the Geneticist who diagnosed him with Noonan Syndrome so I am going to see if I can get DD an appointment as well as there is something genetic. I had Microcephaly & Sensory Processing Difficulties in my Early Childhood and I was diagnosed with a Learning Disability when I was 10 years old. This was overlooked by the Geneticist that we have been dealing with as my side of the genetics is harder to diagnose.
Can you PM a list of developmental peads as well.
Kim
Thanks for all your replies. I went to see a General Pead who did training at Westmead Children's Hospital. I am seriously thinking of taking DD down to the Sydney Development Centre to get a diagnosis or after I get a report from the Psychologist, OT, Physio and the Mid Year School Report take her back to the Pead and demand action as back in 2008 the Pead at the time though there was something Genetic going on and referred us on to a Geneticist. We went to see a Geneticist and in 2010 and they could not diagnose DD. DD also has heart problems as well. My DS has a appointment coming up with the Geneticist who diagnosed him with Noonan Syndrome so I am going to see if I can get DD an appointment as well as there is something genetic. I had Microcephaly & Sensory Processing Difficulties in my Early Childhood and I was diagnosed with a Learning Disability when I was 10 years old. This was overlooked by the Geneticist that we have been dealing with as my side of the genetics is harder to diagnose.
Can you PM a list of developmental peads as well.
Kim
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