I tend not to recycle replies when I'm on EB, but I totally remember a thread that you wrote at the beginning of this year. I think what I said back in January is even more applicable now:
QUOTE (baddmammajamma @ 07/01/2012, 11:21 AM)
I'm really sorry you are going through such a tough time with your daughter.
If you are looking at a possible diagnosis of ODD or a related issue, I would strongly suggest having your husband involved in whatever appointments you have with professionals (and if that is not feasilble, then at least see if he can come to any session where a diagnosis or professional judgment will be shared).
This might help him "get on board" and help you develop a game plan together, as opposed to you being the parent who has to drive everything or you being viewed as the parent who is "making excuses" for her behavior. On a related note, it's unclear from your post what type of paed you will be seeing in February, but I would recommend seeing a developmental paed instead of a generalist paed, as they are the true experts in developmental disorders in kids and will look across all aspects of your daughter's profile to see if there are things that are amiss.
Have you seen a child psychologist who specializes in behavioral issues? If you haven't already done so, I would suggest finding one as soon as possible -- not in lieu of seeing a medical doctor but in addition to. That way, you can get some professional guidance in how to put into place some strategies for home/at school to help your daughter manage her behavior and emotions.
I am hoping that some parents whose kids have ODD will weigh in with their experiences. Even though my daughter doesn't have ODD, she does have ASD -- and some of the behavioral management strategies (setting clear rules and expectations for the child’s behavior, placing clear/consistent limits on inappropriate behaviors, and positive reiforcements for appropriate behaviors) we've been given are used to help children with a range of developmental issues.
Is your daughter already working with an OT to address her fine motor issues?
Again, I am so sorry that you have so much on your plate. I think there are times when conventional parenting books/at home remedies can work well with kids, and other times when tailored, professional advice in really warranted. From what you've shared, it sounds like your situation falls into the later category.
Good luck & I really hope that things settle down soon.
As the others have written, your husband has to get on board. It's as simple as that.
You guys have to have a "unified" front in working with your daughter -- otherwise, any gains you make with her could be undone by your husband.
Definitely book in with a good developmental paed. I think I have PMed some recommendations to you in the past, but if not (or if you've misplaced them), I'd be happy to send another PM. With a child as complicated as yours, you need someone who really has the full cross-dimensional perspective. Your husband needs to be at that appointment.
If he's being an ass about it, tell him you are booking in with a developmental paed to settle your conflicting views once and for all. There is no way a developmental paed is going to tell you that your daughter's issues are solely due to your parenting style. Your husband needs to hear that.
I am so sorry. From this and other posts, it sounds like you don't have the type of emotional support from your husband that you deserve. It is hard enough parenting a child or children with extra needs without also having to deal with an uncooperative partner.
I really hope that things improve soon. Hang in there and just take it one day at a time.
ETA: We use positive reinforcement with our daughter as well. She has ASD. It used to take the form of treats (we used spoonfuls of Betty Crocker chocolate icing to potty train her because it was the only thing that motivated her!) Using food as a reiforcement isn't sustainable over the long haul, but it can be a good short term motivator with little kids. If there are other things -- stickers, small toys, special games -- that you can use to excite your daughter and get her to take part in activities, all the better.