I imagine I'll get the whole spectrum of responses with this WDYT and I'm even prepared to be heavily critcised but what do you think about co-sleeping still at 4 (well almost 4)?

A bit of background... my daughter was a shocking sleeper right up until 2. I varied between co-sleeping and sleeping her in her own room and by 2.5 she was happily sleeping in her own room and I was finally getting decent sleep.

My husband and I separated and I moved further down south so it was just her and I.

Winter rolled around (and as a Cairns baby she'd never experienced cold weather) so my perfect sleeper became a regular waker as she would continue to kick off her blankets and wake up cold. She doesn't sleep comfortably with a lot of clothes on so I ended up moving her into bed with me that winter so we could both sleep well.

And there she has stayed. I sometimes get funny looks when I state that my daughter still sleeps in my bed. I've not had a partner (of any kind!) in that time and it is lovely to wake to cuddles every morning. I also remind myself that one day she'll not want to share a bed, let alone give morning cuddles and I should soak up this time while I can. Kids grow far too quickly and I'll look back on these times with fondness I'm sure.

I am starting to wonder if it's getting to the point where I should encourage her to sleep in her own bed again. Is there a point where it becomes 'unhealthy' or weird (for want of a better word ). I'm interested to hear what the general EB consensus is. More out of curiosity than for advice. I'll do what I damn well please anyway...

Normally I wouldn't respond but as it is in general, out of curiosity I'll ask:
What would you do if you did get a partner? Would you expect her to suddenly sleep in her own bed so you could have privacy and sex?

DS will be 4 in December and most nights sleeps in bed with DH and I or just one of us and the other being in his single bed.

Mine have all co-slept until they were around four and then we started the transition. It works for us, and everyone is happy. I don't think it is weird, but we try and start getting them into their own bed then because that's about the age they start wanting to sleep at Nan's etc and other kids that age tend to tease a bit.

I've thought about this a lot futurself and I've actually considered transitioning her now, just in case someone is just around the corner. I'm very aware the signal I would be sending her if someone new turned up and she's suddenly out of bed.

The truth is though, if I met someone tomorrow, he would a) not be meeting my daughter for sometime and b) would definitely not have sleep overs in the first few months! So I suppose I would get her into her own bed during that period so there is no direct link between new bloke showing up and her being tossed out of bed.

Definitely a worthwhile question though and one I've thought about myself

I would imagine so. Eventually with all co-sleepers someone wants their space, whether than be the child, parent or both. I'm quite sure the OP is going to be sensitive to her daughter's needs. When we wanted ds in his own room/bed at 3.5 because we had a new baby coming, we took our time preparing him, slept with him in his bed some nights, him in ours, until he was comfortable with the new arrangement. I'm sure the OP wouldn't expect her daughter to "suddenly" sleep in her own bed. Usually when you met a partner there is a considerable time in between the partner sleeping over when you have a child - whether that child sleeps in your bed or not.

To the OP - I think it's fine if you are both happy

MakeLoveNotBacon is right on the money

What ever works for you!!

If you do meet another potential bedmate then yes you will have to do a weaning process for your DD

My boys are 7 and I still have them occasionally co sleep with me (DH sleeps seperately as he is a shocking snorer!!)
I only managed to kick them out out of my bed as co sleepers when they were 4 years old ......... Really bad sleepers in my house!!

Can't see it as either a problem or all that unusual.

People the world over have managed to have sex a) not at night time and b) not in a bed!

One of the drawbacks of the situation is that I am reluctant for her to have sleepovers except for at my mums (where she sleeps on her own quite readily!). I am at a point where I would trust a particular friend to have her overnight but I am not sure how my daughter would go in a strange house/sleeping on her own. Another reason why it's been on my mind lately.

I'm usually no advocate of co-sleeping but in this case I'd say why not if you are both happy with it. You are right, they grow up fast and it will all be over before you know it. If it becomes an issue deal with it then.

We still co sleep with the girls at 6 and 7 DH takes one to bed, I take the other, next night we swap girls lol.

whatever works. If you are both happy, why change. Good on you for being such a hands on mum

If you are both happy then there is no problem.

DP co-slept with his parents until he was around ten or so. His sister co-slept with them until she was around 12. And his younger sister is 5 and is currently co-sleeping with them.

He has no side effects from sleeping with his mum for so long

My eldest was still co-sleeping when she turned four but happily stopped some time that year from memory.

I'm hoping by 10 she's well and truly out of my bed!

The most precious thing about it lately is when I come to bed I always whisper "I love you my precious girl". 9 times out of 10 she's says "I love you too mummy" in her sleep

My DD co-sleeps with me still and she's nearly 8. We're both happy with it.

I'm single, but was dating someone for a few years, and if he was over she happily went into her own bed for the night, or sometimes on a mattress in the living room as a special treat - she called it "camping", lol.

Our DD has co-slept with us on and off since birth - she's 5.5yrs now. After her first year she was always put to bed in her own room and would come in during the night - at the moment she come in between 1-3am every night.

DS (3.5yrs) always used to sleep in his own bed (after cosleeping with us as a baby). However in the last 3-4 months he's started coming into the bed with us every night as well, sometimes before DD, sometimes after. They share a bedroom but they rarely come in together...it's more a matter of when they each wake up.

Do we worry about it? Well, DH gets more annoyed than I do, and it's mostly because of the lack of space (a Queen size bed with 4 of us is very squishy). He goes down to sleep in DS' bed sometimes. However we have privacy at bedtime since the kids don't come until after midnight...this is a good balance and keeps the kiddies and the hubby happy

I don't see any problems with co-sleeping as long as both of you are comfortable with it

One way of transitioning that we use, is to make sure they have their own bed. DD starts the night in her own bed and most of the time stays there now (she's 6 1/2) but will quietly join us if she feels the need. DS (almost 4) usually starts the night in our bed (alone as he has an earlier bedtime than us) and DH transfers him to his own bed once we go to sleep. Most nights he wakes at some time and quietly comes back into our bed. He can be a little restless, so those nights DH will transfer him back into his own bed once he's asleep. Fortunately, both our children will wake quietly and come to us if they need comfort during the night, so we are happy to have a family bed as long as everyone is getting good sleep. Neither seems to worry about waking up back in their beds if transferred when asleep.

I'm glad to see EB is being wonderfully positive and supporting of co-sleeping.

DS just turned 5 and has just recently started sleeping in his own bed again. I was adamant that we would never co-sleep....hahahahahah much laughter on my behalf. As life would have it though, things turned out different.

I bought him a night light from Ikea in the last couple of months because he is a constant talker/mover in his sleep and even though I thought it didn't make a difference, I realised that after a week of him being with his father....I really did need that unbroken sleep.

To be honest, I would much rather have my little cuddler in my bed still but I desperately need proper sleep.

I am single and if and when I invite someone else into my home, it most definitely wouldn't be a " sudden thing"....months sounds good to me.

You have just made me feel normal........ my husband and I were just talking about how we need to get our 4 year old to sleep in her own bed because we must be 'disfunctional'!!! Maybe were quiet 'normal' after all!!

I think there is no better feeling for a little child to be cuddled up with a parent!! Pure bliss!

You have just made me feel normal........ my husband and I were just talking about how we need to get our 4 year old to sleep in her own bed because we must be 'disfunctional'!!! Maybe were quiet 'normal' after all!!

I think there is no better feeling for a little child to be cuddled up with a parent!! Pure bliss!

I couldn't agree more!

My son is 7.5yo and we have co-slept every single night of his life.

I think it sounds lovely. When DH goes away for work, I always bring DS into bed with me. It's snuggly and nice.

For what it's worth, my niece co-slept with my sister on and off until she was about 14. It was just the two of them for so long, that it suited them well and they're very close.

Whatever makes you two happy.

I don't think it's weird at all - unless you're the one forcing her to stay in your bed.

As for the sex/intimacy issue a PP mentioned, heaps of people manage to get pregnant again when they have a co-sleeping child (us included!) you get creative

I was just saying to dh the other day that if he had a job where he worked away that DS would definately be in bed with me!

My DS has just turned 4, he goes to sleep in his own bed (so me and DH have out own time when we need it lol) but sneaks into ours anytime between 1am and 7am. I love the way he clings to me like a little limpet. DD is almost at the stage of being transitioned to a bed from a cot so I can imagine our bed getting even more crowded soon!

Who cares what other people think OP, do whatever works for you and your family.

heheh don't count on it! As a teen I always had crap on my bed and I would normally be in Mum's bedroom watching telly with her (esp in winter, it was warmer than the loungeroom). So I tended to bunk in the with her and still did it until I was probably 23ish?

So glad to see this thread!

DH was saying tonight we need to start getting DD to sleep in her own bed. She is almost 4. DS is 18 months. DH and I take turns sleeping with each. So..... DH and I do not share a bed!

I find it totally natural. We all get a good night sleep.

Many cultures co-sleep. Up to a hundred or so years ago most people had tiny houses and co-slept. I think it's a modern phenomenon where we put small children in their own bedrooms in the mac mansions (we have 5 bedrooms by the way and only use 2!!!!).

I bet there are lots more co-sleepers out there than we think!

DD7 still comes into our bed most mornings in that cold period before dawn. When DH is away she takes it as a given that she gets to sleep the whole night in the big bed.
I love snuggles

I co-sleep with my 6.5 and 4.5 year old kids.

I hadn't intended to do so, but when my daughter was going through the worst of her ASD-related stuff, it made sense for us to go in the guest room.

Then my son (no ASD) thought "Hey, this looks cozy!" So, he joined us. We sleep beautifully most nights. I love snuggling with them.

I do the weekday nights & my husband does the weekends. Co-sleeping does not hurt our sex life one iota. I'm pretty sure (based on EB threads) that we are on the upper end of the "EB Rootimetric Scale."

Next step will be moving the kids to bunk beds, but I am in no huge rush.

OP, I think if your current situation works for you & your child, then keep it up!

Whatever works for you and your daughter

My thoughts are that if it's working for you both and you enjoy it, then why stop just now.

One of our family friends (also a single mother) co-slept with her youngest until she was about 12 years old and was heavily criticised for it - this child is now 20 years old and is about to move to London to go to uni and live by herself. She is one of the most resourceful and independent young people I know, so extended co-sleeping certainly did no harm!

I co sleep with my kids until they about 4 or 5. They then go and sleep with one of their siblings when they no longer sleep with me. I think it is lovely, and makes them feel so much more secure.

And the pp reminded me that my grandfather slept with his mum until he was about 13! And my grandfather was the nicest, most well adjusted person. It certainly didn't hurt him sleeping with his mum.

My mum was a single parent, it was just the two of us. I coslept with her until early primary school, can't remember the exact age as I did go into my own bed a bit too. Sometime I would be in her bed, sometimes a single bed in her room and then gradually more and more in my own room.

It was me that dictated the change. She would have never moved me out if I hadn't wanted my own space

Do whatever makes you both happy, I'm sure if another partner ever makes an appearance you would be sensitive to her needs and pace the relationship accordingly so just cross that bridge if it comes to it.

My boys all go to bed in their own beds, but we always end up with at least 1 or 2 in our bed overnight. Even our 6yo still kicks his blankets off and gets cold most nights so comes in with us to warm up. DH gets up with the 4th to wake and cuddles with them in their bed for the rest of the night.

I don't see anything wrong with it. My dad hated us kids sleeping in their bed, but whenever he was away for work, mum would always let me sleep in her bed.

My DD is still cosleeping with me, and she is 4 1/2. I'm also in a new relationship and things are going well. We talked a lot about what it would be like having someone else in my bed. DD always started in her bed anyway then would make her way into mine around midnight or so. My bedroom door has a child lock on the outside. DD and I have an arrangement where if she wakes up and Mummy's door is closed, she knows that Mummy is having some alone time (I often do during the day for 5-10 minutes anyway) and she made a plan that she would go and lay on the couch. She knows that Mummy will eventually open the door and then she is welcome to come and have a cuddle with me in bed. Luckily, new partner doesn't mind 3 in the bed! (Mummy does mind though!!! 2 sharing 1/2 the bed is rather squishy!!!)

Give yourself a break OP. The last couple of years sound rough with separating with DH and moving interstate so if you are both happy who cares? maybe you are imagining the looks from others. Enjoy the snuggles while they last I say!

DH and I would take turns co-sleeping with DD until she was nearly 6. Then she decided she wanted to sleep with her bears instead. Has only once asked me to sleep with her since and she was ill at the time so no surprises there.

I don't think there is any normal scenario OP, only what works in your home.

I hope my DS Cosleeps with DH and I until he moves out of home. I hope he never moves out of home.

My friend co slept with her until she was six and her new partner put his foot down. Her daughter had major separation anxiety up til this point.

See how she goes when the weather is warmer, she may still be fine sleeping alone still when it is not cold.

I love co-sleeping with DS1 who is 5. (DS 2 kicks too much!)

DH works on Sunday nights so DS1 sleeps with me on those nights. I love it

I'd have him sleeping in with me every night, but with DH in the bed it gets way too squishy.

And that would be the end of the relationship for me. Kicking a co-sleeping kid with seperation anxiety out of bed? No way - I'd be kicking the partner who tried to "put his foot down" out instead.

I don't think there is anything wrong with it if both parent and child are happy, it's how a lot of people around the world sleep.

My almost 4yo DS usually cosleeps with my partner. Me and the baby are usually in the other room so as not to disturb them with DS2's nightwaking, although sometimes we mix things up a bit. DS1 has a sidecar cot/toddler bed next to the bed so he has the choice of his own bed but 6/7 nights he's usually in the bed with her (LOL when me and younger DS are in that bed though he told me he'd rather sleep in his own bed as it was too squashy!). We talk to him regularly about whether he'd like his own room/to sleep separately etc and he's very definite that he likes to share a room with someone else at this point. Sometimes he says he'd like his own room, but then says "and then you can come and sleep in my room" Honestly at this point he doesn't seem to understand why you'd want to sleep by yourself. I think so long as we keep listening to him we'll be ok.

She had been trying to stop it for a while, but was giving up very easily. I have to say he is very controlling but her relationship, not mine and if it makes her happy...

My son co slept with me from birth. Around 5yo I think I started putting ideas in to his head that he should move in to his own room. He was at Kinder and I felt it was time.

We discussed it and he knew if he woke up scared he could come in to my room. I got him his own torch so he could see where he was going (our rooms are next to each other). He also got a reward the first time he stayed in his own bed all night.

He is now 7yo and occasionally comes in to my bed but not that often.

You do what works for you. One of the reasons I moved him out was that he may have been teased at kinder/school if they found out he was still sleeping with his "mummy". That, and I wanted my bed back! He was a bed hog.

Thanks to the co-sleepers for making me feel more "normal" - my 7 year old still ends up in my bed most nights. I love the cuddles, but part of me - usually my aching back - wishes he would sleep in his own bed more often, he wriggles and squiggles and kicks and laughs and talks and sleeps upside down and hogs the blankets! I'm aware that one day he won't think Mum is the centre of the universe any more, so I will enjoy it while it lasts. When he stays at his Dad's he happily sleeps in his own bed all night.
FWIW cat and dog generally find a spot on the bed as well. I really need a bigger bed

If it's just you and her, why wouldn't you? I think the only real reason against co sleeping is that it can take away from husband-wife time.
DD is 3.5 and still comes to sleep with us at around 2am. I'm happy with that for as long as it goes on.

I've co-slept with all my children. The 14 yr old still climbs into bed with me when she is sick or worried about something. Each moved out in their own time. I think it was around 8 or 9. They all look so innocent when asleep. Middle of the night snuggles are awesome.

My question is how do I convince the dogs they want to sleep in their own beds? Or sleep with one of the kids?




Me too.