How to survive peak Man Flu season

Photo: Shutterstock
Photo: Shutterstock 

Winter is not only chilly, it's made even worse because it's peak man flu season. 

Most women continue to battle on through illness. But for men it's so much harder because, let's face it, man flu is worse than anything - even worse than pushing a baby out of your vagina or having a  caesarean section.

And it's because of the sheer severity of man-flu that we must all remain vigilant and prepared.

Here's a step-by-step guide to deal with man flu:

  • Firstly, you need to know the signs of man flu. They're very obvious. It'll start with a casual comment about feeling like they might be getting sick. And then BAM, seconds later it'll be a full-blown illness. Whatever they're doing will cease immediately because they simply won't be able to carry on with any household chores or caring for children. It'll be touch-and-go there for awhile.
  • It normally starts in their sad, sad eyes, spreads quickly to every muscle in the body and then they will begin to walk slowly in a miserable fashion. While it seems like they may actually be close to death, mostly the illness is in their head.
  • Immediately, lay the patient flat on a bed, in a dark room. Make sure you can lock the door so symptoms can't spread to the rest of the household. This also makes it harder for you to hear the over dramatic moaning and complaining.
  • Lavish them with extreme, yet short, bouts of attention because that's what they really need. Wipe their brow with a cool cloth, make the bed all toasty, put their favourite program on their device or television and then quickly close the door behind you and run.
  • Make sure they have ample supply of medical products, it helps make them feel more loved in their desperate time of need. Give them a steady supply of paracetamol, throat lozenges, tissues, orange juice and maybe a stuffed toy to keep them company, because you will not be sleeping anywhere near them until they're better.
  • If necessary, book them in to see a doctor – if it's a male doctor, then they'll get taken seriously. If it's a woman, then she'll do whatever she can to get him "better" because she's seen her fair share of man flu and she's got actual sick patients to look after.
  • Tell the kids he needs them to keep him company because he's sad. Encourage them to read him books, tell him stories and give him cuddles. If you're lucky, it'll free up some time for you to get all of the things you need to get done, seeing that you'll be doing everything, plus looking after your man child. The constant visitors might also speed up his recovery.
  • Not all hope is lost. With your sick partner flailing about in a dark room, put your kids to bed early and take advantage of your alone time - order takeaway, put on a show you like and pour a big glass of wine or hot chocolate.  Make sure you turn the TV up loud so you can't hear his whingeing.

And if all else fails you might need to call the WAAAH-mbulance.