As a single mum, I'm all for men talking about how awesome we are to date. Being relatively fresh from a marital separation, I'm not out there in the dating arena yet, but when I am, I'd like the queue of applicants to be long and enthusiastic, please.
So I was intrigued to hear US blogger Derrick Jaxn had made a video of the seven benefits to dating a single mum. Now, to start with, this feels a little like tying a pork chop around our neck so the dog will play with us, but I'm open-minded, so I check it out.
But upon hearing Derrick's reasons single mums are awesome, I can't help but feel two things:
1. Derrick does not want to date me, and
2. I do not want to date Derrick.
He seems like a nice guy and I'm sure his heart is in the right place, but Derrick's reasons feel like a patronising load of crap.
Let me take you through them (summarised and paraphrased a little, for brevity):
1. Single mums can cook, because they're forced to, in order to feed their kids
Yes, I cook. I cook every day. And I am not interested in some man waltzing into my house and expecting me to cook for him too. Maybe he'd like to cook to give me a break for a change? That would be pleasant. Also, as much as I'd love to spend hours preparing gourmet meals, fussy kids and a lack of time and energy mean dinner is generally fish fingers serviced with salad vegetables that aren't allowed to touch each other on the plate or we have to start all over again. Bon appetit, lover.
2. Single mums are financially responsible, because they're forced to prioritise their kids
The implication that other women just fritter money away on shoes and margaritas, while single mums are sensible savers is nauseating. Derrick seems to think women need the men to come in and tell us what's what because financial matters are just so gosh darn confusing. Also, take it from me, single mums dig shoes and cocktails too.
3. Single mums aren't out clubbing or on the prowl because they can't keep bringing 'randos' back home
One would assume that if you're in a relationship, 'randos' would be off limits for both parties. But whether or not we bring 'randos' back home is none of anyone's business, and judgements about a woman's sex life are not conducive to equality or respect for women, Derrick.
4. Single mums won't judge you for having kids of your own
No judgements, but oh God, please don't add any more to my already chaotic life. No Brady Bunch action here, please and thank you.
5. You get to see what kind of mother she is, and what kind of mother she will be to your kids
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. No.
6. Single mums are self-sufficient and self-reliant, because even if a single mum gets child support, it isn't enough, so they know how to fend for themselves
True, which is why we won't put up with dating a patronising twit.
7. Single mums won't bail when it gets rocky, because she and her kid are invested in ways a woman without kids doesn't need to be
Hmmmm, so you can act like a douche and we won't give you your marching orders because our kids kind of like you? Don't kid yourself, Derrick. My kids have survived one break up, and I promise you they won't like you as much as they like their own father.
One thing you should know about single mothers: we have no tolerance for bulls**t. We don't need a list to tell people why they should want to date us. I'd assume someone may want to date me some day because I'm a nice person with a good sense of humour, and I'm fun to be around.
But in the meantime, why don't we just let everyone make up their own minds about who they want to date?