I'm divorced, but I'm keeping my wedding ring for my daughter

Photo: Getty Images
Photo: Getty Images 

Divorce is awful. No matter how you slice it, there is stress, anger, resentment, so many arguments, and a seemingly never-ending discussion about why you were a terrible partner and a terrible person.

It can be enough to overshadow any happiness you might have had in the years before the relationship breakdown. When I decided to separate from my ex-husband nearly four years ago, I was keen to ditch a whole lot of 'stuff' that was laden with memories and bad juju.

Cards, gifts, photos…you name it, I burned it. (Actually I just threw it in the bin, but that doesn't have the same poetic flounce.)

But one thing I didn't ditch was my wedding ring. I'm saving that to give to my daughter when she's older.

Sure, there are few things laden with more bad juju than that circle of gold that was supposed to be a symbol of your eternal love and commitment to one another – and which I now view as more symbolic of a decade of my life I'll never get back – but I keep it at the back of a drawer, nevertheless. And some day, I'll pass it on.

Aesthetically speaking, it's a beautiful ring. It's white gold with a bunch of diamonds lining the band – understated but blingy enough to be pretty. It's a shame about all the symbolism because if it wasn't for that, I'd wear it everywhere.

But I'm keeping it, mostly because I have a seven-year-old daughter who is a product of that marriage. I hope that one day I'll be able to give my wedding ring to her and tell her warm tales about her dad and I when we were in the early, happier stages of our relationship.

Even though things went totally south there in the latter stages, I know there is more to our story than that, and I want my daughter to know that too. She was four when her dad and I separated so she has no memory of the good times, but it's important for her to know there were some.

I want her to know that her dad and I were happy once. That we chose to build a life together, and that, although things didn't work out, that doesn't make our marriage a failure.


And that will be replicated in all sorts of chapters in life. So I want the ring to be not a symbol of the promise of eternal love, but of the fact that there is always beauty in life and we should savour those as they come up, in the moment.

Just because something doesn't last, doesn't mean it wasn't worthwhile.

There are limits, of course. I'd never encourage my daughter to use my ring as her own wedding ring, but she may want to wear it on another finger, or perhaps have it made into a necklace or brooch or jaunty hat pin.

So for now, the ring sits in a box at the back of a drawer, not causing a whole lot of trouble, and waiting for the day that all the negative feelings have subsided, and I'm ready to think fond thoughts about that lost decade of my life again.

Besides, I tried to pawn it and the offered me next to nothing…