'It wasn't my secret to tell': woman blasts husband for lying about daughter for nine years

Photo: Getty Images
Photo: Getty Images 

When a teenager asks you to keep a secret, most parents do their best to respect their child's wishes. However one man has landed himself in big trouble with his wife after keeping the fact their daughter was a lesbian hidden from her - for nine years.

Now, she's found out and is furious they "lied" to her . And he's questioning his decision.

"My daughter (24) is a lesbian. I found out by accident when she was 15 and I saw her in her room kissing a female friend she didn't realise that I saw them so I just moved away slowly and quietly," the dad said in a post on reddit.

"I told her the next day what I saw and she came out to me, I told her it was okay and that this wouldn't change anything in our relationship, I suggested she tell her mum/my wife, she said she would tell her one day when she is ready but I should keep it a secret.

"I asked her why she didn't want to tell her she said, her mum has a big mouth and she didn't want other people to know especially her grandparents (my wife's parents are homophobic) so I just let it be and kept the secret as it wasn't my secret to tell."

Recently, his wife found out her daughter was gay, after she came home to introduce her long-time girlfriend, now fiancé, to her mum. 

"My wife got angry and asked our daughter why she kept this secret from her parents? My daughter responded by saying I knew and I was the one supporting," he said.

"My wife then asked me how long I've known about this and I told her truth about everything.

"Well I'm now being called a liar (which is true and I understand that I lied all this time but it wasn't my secret to tell), she has accused me of living a double life and sneaking out at night to have dinner with my daughter's secret lovers (also true but my daughter asked me to meet her GF and the asked me to meet her parents, I even play golf with my daughter's fiancee's father)."

Advertisement

The mum responded by behaving exactly as her daughter expected and told the whole family, who have turned on them for keeping such a big secret.

"I just need the opinions of internet strangers on if I'm the ass**** or not." 

And reddit didn't disappoint.

"Now I can understand a parent in these circumstances being upset or disappointed that their own actions have caused their child to not see them as a safe person to come out to. But those are feelings you work out on your own, without outing your child to everyone and blaming your child and spouse," said one person.

"It's your daughter's decision when she tells people. The golden rule is to NEVER out anyone. You did the right thing, your wife is probably just annoyed she wasn't trusted," said another.

While this mum said: "If my daughter came out to my husband and kept it a secret from me for a long time, I would feel pretty hurt. But I would just wonder where I went wrong as a parent to make my daughter not trust me, not get angry and blab to everyone."

And this person said: "You respected your daughter's right to privacy. I can see why your wife is upset, but your daughter obviously needed time before potentially inviting unwanted comment and pressure. You've been a supportive father. If you'd told your wife you would have let your daughter down at a stage when she may have been less able to cope."

But not everyone thought dad handled things the right way.

"I'm a lesbian - I believe that people should be able to pick and choose who they come out to, and certainly in some cases that's an absolute safety issue. But 10 years? And he is not just not sharing the information, but actively lying to his wife about where he's going and who he's seeing? And why?

"Mum sucks for her over-reaction, he sucks for being a lying as***le, and his daughter sucks for putting him in that position for that long," she said.

This person agreed: "He should have explained to his daughter that he wouldn't tell her for now but then explain how marriage works and that he can't just MEET HER PARENTS WITHOUT HIS WIFE.

"He should have encouraged her to sit down with him and tell the mother while stressing that she can't tell extended family. He sounds like a great Dad, but that wasn't a good husband move.

"They are supposed to be partners and the head of the family together. I'm not saying he should have betrayed his daughter, but there were a ton of other respectful ways to go about this that didn't involve outright lying to his wife."