Mum 'completely outraged' after boyfriend refuses to use daughter's name: 'It's disrespectful'

Photo: Getty Images/iStockphoto
Photo: Getty Images/iStockphoto 

Having a unique name can prove challenging in certain circumstances.

However, it would be expected that any close friends or partners would always make an effort to pronounce your name correctly.

One mum is fuming after she discovered her daughter's new boyfriend is refusing to use her real name because it's 'too difficult for him to pronounce'.

Photo: Getty Images/iStockphoto
Photo: Getty Images/iStockphoto 

Writing in to Slate's parenting advice column, the mum explained that her 21-year-old mixed-race daughter, who is 'beautiful, smart and funny', has a very unique name.

"It's an ethnic name from my husband's home country," she explains. "It can be a difficult name to pronounce if you've never seen it before, but once you've heard it a few times, it simply rolls off the tongue."

The problem is that since breaking up with a long-term boyfriend recently, she has started dating a new guy - and her mum overheard him call her 'Sara'.

"When I confronted my daughter about it, she said that he does it because her name is too difficult for him to pronounce, so he decided to give her a nickname that starts with "S" as her real name does," the mum continues.

"Just to be clear, her real name sounds nothing like Sara, it just starts with the same letter.

"She doesn't think it's a big deal, but I'm completely outraged by this."


The mum firmly believes her boyfriend is being disrespectful and is 'worried this is some sort of fetishisation thing' (he is white), but is seeking advice from Slate's parenting expert. 

The advice columnist, called Doyin, was quick to endorse the mum's concerns, admitting it hit 'close to home'. 

"I also have a difficult-to-pronounce name from my dad's home country," he wrote. "The big difference is that it would be a cold day in hell before I allowed someone to call me "Doug" because it made life easier for them."

"Very few things in life are more personal to humans than our names, and if her boyfriend won't exert a ridiculously minimal amount of effort to learn your daughter's name, it's obvious that he doesn't respect her."

Doyin then suggested it was time the mother sat her daughter down for a serious conversation s - and to let her know the relationship should not continue unless he can start using her name correctly. 

"I would ask your daughter: If he's unwilling to learn her name, then what makes her think he'll love her and emotionally support her?," he wrote. "Would she ever consider making up a name for any of her friends? What would her friends say if they found out about her boyfriend's behaviour?

"It is Level 10 disrespectful for him to behave this way toward her."

Doyin then advised the mum to ban the boyfriend from her home if he continues to call her Sara, adding that perhaps there is a self-esteem issue going on with her daughter. 

"Hopefully she'll snap out of it (show her this column if you need to), but this absolutely needs to stop."

"Remind her of how amazing she is and that she should never settle for less than the best," he concluded.

"Pronouncing her name correctly should be a given for anyone who decides to be in a relationship with her."