"I'm writing this to you out of love, not fear," begins Meghan Oeser in a letter to her husband.
The US mum of six was about to head off for a girls weekend and thought it was only fair to warn her husband about what to expect, reports the Daily Mail.
"Nighttime, daytime, breakfast time, and somewhere around lunchtime can easily be mistaken for pure HELL, with Satan coming off as a My Little Pony in comparison," writes the Illinois mum.
The brutally honest and hilarious letter clearly struck a chord with many other mums, having been shared on Facebook more than 90,000 times.
Oeser starts by saying things won't seem quite so bad when he first gets home from work.
The children "will hug, jump, and for the most part, be pretty excited to see you. This will be short lived...I promise. School season or not...this is also known as hell hour."
Dinner time, says Oeser, will be particularly challenging.
"Dinner will suck. Bailey will want pizza, while Harper will ask for hot dogs. Quinn will cry when you say the word hot dog, and will insist on Mac n cheese (but not the orange kind or the white kind, but the purple kind).
"We'll be fresh out of the purple kind, so she'll then ask for toast. You'll already have started making Mac n cheese for Penny, but since she heard Quinn ask for toast, she'll also want that toast. You'll end up tossing the Mac n cheese because Bailey got the stomach flu 5 years ago after eating the orange kind, and Harper prefers the white kind.
"You'll also forget about Harper because her friend Lily 'unexpectedly' stopped by, so they went ripsticking down the street. Everyone will eat cereal for dinner, and Lily will come inside for a bandaid."
And then comes bedtime.
"You'll end up bringing Penny to bed with you, thinking that's a good idea. Ha ha ha ha ha! You may as well sleep next to Evander Holyfield on uppers," writes Oeser.
"Just try getting her into her bed. Give her the iPad. This will save your life...promise. Make sure you turn the volume down, along with the screen brightness. Speaking of brightness, don't forget the diffuser... Set the light to PURPLE. Sweet baby Jesus, please remember purple."
For every birthday, we all smoosh into ole Bess and head to Dunkin Donuts for maximum consumption of donuts, coffee, and specialty drinks. Today we go twice. I am 100% blessed that I am able to work from home, so we can drown ourselves in said copious amounts of Dunkin Donuts. More importantly, I get to be with my kids. All day. Every day. (When does school start again? 😏) I feel as if I've taken this for granted lately. Seriously...what a gift. What did I do to deserve this? This job? A Husband that busted his balls for 8 years BEFORE I had this job, just so I could stay home? I'm forever grateful. A giant happy 7th and 9th birthday to my 2 little ladies, that I swear were just born yesterday. Love those shits!!! #Augusttwentyfifthcantcomefastenough #notenoughvodkaintheworld
And if you think things will get easier the next day, not so, says Oeser.
"Breakfast. Ha! Just as fun as dinner...if not worse. Get coffee. LOTS of coffee. You'll need it. Penny might want cereal, or she'll go for toast. Whatever you do...LET HER PICK HER SPOON. Chances are, Quinn will have the ULTIMATE spoon, and Penny will convince you that you've left her with the s***tiest spoon in the bunch."
Oeser offers a few more sage words of wisdom and a few jabs at her husband before the ultimate sign-off: "Kisses, The wife."
Well, he can't say she didn't warn him.