Please don't invite me to your Tupperware party

Image: Shutterstock
Image: Shutterstock 

I'm pretty sure it was the moment my friend's mum handed me a massive pink dildo in a room full of mostly strangers I decided I would never go to another home shopping party again.

You know the ones - where your friend gets a free gift if they host a party. Often they're aimed at women – sex toys, lingerie, make-up, cleaning products, Tupperware.

Your friend begs you to come along and before you know it you're sitting in a lounge room with a bunch of women you hardly know, drinking white wine, while a bubbly sales lady tries to sell you things you don't need.

You spend most of your time questioning why you said yes in the first place and willing the time to speed-up so you can go home.

While it's sold to you as a 'fun night to catch up' – it's really quite the opposite.

There was a time I'd always attend these types of parties as I thought it was the right thing to do as a friend. Then the vibrator moment happened and I made a pact to myself that I would never go to another one of those stupid gatherings ever again.

It's been hard sticking my promise, but I have.

It all started in my twenties. I couldn't work out why my friends were having sex toy parties with their mums, family friends, relatives and work colleagues. My idea of a good night was not chatting to my friend's Aunty while she held a pair of red, lacy, crotchless underwear. Nor did I want to play pin the penis on the 80s male model poster with Jan from accounting.

At that stage of my life I had absolutely no need for Tupperware lunchboxes and I definitely did not want to spend hundreds of dollars on cleaning products.

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I wanted to go to the pub and listen to bands.

I politely announced to all my friends that I wouldn't be sad if I never went to another pyramid scheme party again and while I loved them all deeply there was no point ever inviting me. I simply would not go.

Even now that I'm the precise target market – middle-aged, mother with a non-existent social life - I would still rather poke my eyeballs out with a sharp stick than spend my evenings discussing the virtues of Tupperware.

Also I can't afford to be put on the spot and expected to spend a heap of money on things I don't need. I have to pay for school shoes and trips to the movies with my kids.

No matter how often my friends tell me that there's no pressure to buy anything and to just 'come along for fun', you still feel guilty if you don't get something.

Even if you know you don't have to get yourself a new *insert product I don't need here* you still don't want to look like you don't support your friend.

Here's the thing, I'd do anything for my friends, just not go to direct sales parties.

If my friend actually made the products or designed them or started a new business, then I'd be there with bells on. I'd buy something. I'd share their stuff on social media. I'd tell everyone I know about their fabulous new business venture. I'd be their biggest supporter.

I just will not go to their stupid Tupperware party.