I'm officially the heaviest I've ever been in my entire life and that includes when I was pregnant with my children.
My weight is a constant battle for me. I'm pretty great at losing weight, I'm just crap at keeping it off. And every year around this time I start to feel anxious about my size.
It's not uncommon for me to decline invitations from friends because I want to avoid walking into a room knowing I've packed on the kilos again. I feel awkward, embarrassed and ashamed. So, instead of feeling those things, I stay home.
I know my friends would hate to think that's what I'm doing and would much rather see me, but I'm truly over being the fattest in the room. I'd much rather pop on my pjs and drink a glass of wine in front of the television or go out somewhere fun with my kids and husband.
But as the festive season begins and the hot weather rolls in, I don't want to hide away like normal. Rather than getting edgy and nervous about the way I look, this year I'm changing my attitude. This year I'm focusing on other things instead. I refuse to let the size of my belly and butt dictate if I feel good about myself.
My body doesn't define the person I am.
Of course, having said that, I know I'll still feel uncomfortable about the way I look, but I can't let my own insecurities stop me from living a full life.
I plan on taking my wobbly belly to the beach and running into the waves. I'll dive into the cold water at the local pool, despite knowing my bum will shake. I'll wear sleeveless dresses and let my arms flap about.
I'll proudly take up space in the world, although fat people are often expected to hide away.
You see, I'm a bloody good person. I'm a great mum to three wonderful girls. I'm kind. I work hard. I'm an awesome wife with a loving husband. I'm a giving daughter to my lovely mum. I'm a devoted friend to some, a little distant to others, but I try my hardest. I make people laugh and I listen when they need to talk.
Bianca Wordley with her daughters in 2015. Photo: Instagram/Bigwordsblog
I have a lot to offer and I refuse to keep hiding away because I constantly push aside all my amazing qualities to instead worry about what I look like.
This summer I'm stepping out into the world more, whether I like or not. I'm telling myself to stop being so shallow and embrace my beautiful curves.
It's going to be a great summer – a body positive, joyful time filled with fun, adventures and love. So, look out.
And if you're reading this and know what it's like to feel down on yourself for the way you look – then please join me in ignoring our inner jerk. It's time to listen to the voice who tells us how fabulous we are – because it's the truth.
I love this photo of me. It’s an old one, but I remember I spent ages trying to get the best angle. Having photos of myself that I actually like, rather than candid ones (which I hate) reminds me to love myself more. And that’s a good thing. Not vain, it’s more about finding my glow. If you’re feeling crap about the way you look then remember you are more than your aesthetic- it’s your brain, heart and soul that matters most. But you can’t keep hiding yourself - embrace yourself. You are not invisible, stop erasing yourself from view. You might not feel 100 per cent with your body shape, but you’ve got some assets worth celebrating. Is it your eyes, boobs, booty, legs, hair? Show them off! You are worthy. You are unique. You are beautiful. Get your phone or camera out and take some photos of yourself. Take as many as you need until you see your joy shining through. And then tag me in it and use the hashtag #joyfulme so I can come and say hi 👋 @fatmumslim #fmspad #fmspad_orange #fmspad_style #women #orange #feminist #plussize #fatactivist #fatwomen #over40 #fashion #style #everydaystyle #bopo #bodypositivity #curvygirl #realmumstyle #embrace #kindness #joyfulme #getinthephoto #getinthepicture #youarenotinvisible #loveyourself