If you thought the fidget spinner craze was almost over, brace yourself. They're back – and they're invading our bedrooms…
Okay, not quite. But a 22-year-old college grad did think it would be a fabulous idea to create fidget spinners for your nipples. Oh, yes she did.
They're called Fidgetiddies, and they're as ridiculous as their name suggests.
For a start, anyone who has had a bunch of babies (so not a 22-year-old college grad) knows you don't want to give gravity any kind of helping hand by attaching heavy apparatus to your boobs.
And I'm not sure about this: are they meant to be sexy? Because I've got to admit, I'm not feeling it. Then again, I think pizza delivery and elastic-waisted pants are height of excitement so maybe I'm not the target market.
hi everyone i have been working on something that absolutely no one asked for pic.twitter.com/now4kG8ZYA— manu (@caritadepincel) July 4, 2017
And third, fidget spinners have been the bane of any school parents' existence all year. Why on earth would we want to bring them into the one spinner-free domain we have left?
Creator Manuela Torres-Orejuela told Glamour magazine, "I have ADHD and anxiety so the toy genuinely brings me peace and joy. I even decorated my graduation cap with fidget spinners for my UCLA graduation last month and it was a big hit with kids."
Hmmmm, so far this bears no explanation for the giant leap to nipple pasties.
"Since I used Velcro to make the spinners stick on my cap, I ended up playing around with other places to stick them," she went on. "Since I am a gender studies major and a vocal body positive feminist on my social media, it came naturally to me to put them on my breasts as an ironic and playful way to subvert patriarchy."
Aha! Now I get it.
Wearing annoying children's toys on your boobs is a way of saying f**k you to thousands of years of oppression at the hands of a patriarchal regime!
Okay, no, I don't get it.
Perhaps wearing this year's hottest children's toy on the internet's all-time favourite toy – the naked female body – is a way of getting people to follow you on social media.
What a powerful feminist statement.
If this looks like a bit of fun to you, and you think your boobs can take the extra weight, Manuela has put together a fidgetiddies tutorial for you to follow.
If you or your partner suffers from anxiety in the bedroom, it could be just the thing to calm the farm.
Just be sure they don't get mixed up with your kids' collection.