Ten-year-old divides family over name change: 'She got nasty'

Photo:Getty
Photo:Getty Photo: Getty Images

There are many things to navigate when raising a blended family, and one of those issues often involves surnames.

One mother, who has a 10-year-old daughter from a previous relationship, unintentionally rocked the boat within her family, after her daughter decided she wanted to change her surname.

Explaining the situation on Reddit, the woman said her daughter's father tragically passed away when she was one.

"When my daughter was three, I began dating my now-husband, Matt," she said, adding that Matt has two boys of his own from a previous marriage, aged 10 and 11 that she has a great relationship with.

"My husband is a fantastic dad and my daughter is incredibly close to him," she said. "Last year we had our first child together and my daughter, Mia has brought up a few times that she is now the only one without Matt's surname"

"I spoke to her about it and she explained that it sometimes makes her feels like she's not really part of the family," she revealed. "It was pretty heartbreaking as we've always tried to keep her dad's memory alive but reassure her that it's ok for her to love Matt as a dad too."

The woman continued saying it's obvious that it's been on her mind, and she came home from school last week asking if her husband could adopt her.

"Matt and I spoke about it and although he said he would adopt her in a heartbeat, we felt we should wait a few years until she's older and can understand the gravity of the decision," she explained. "I suggested we add his surname to her own instead and Mia loved that idea."

Saying that his sons were on board with the idea, they went out for dinner and Mia wrote him a letter asking him.

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"She cried, he cried, the waitress cried. It was an emotional moment for them both," she said.

However, the news didn't go down so well with the extended family.

"My late partner's parents said they understood why she wanted to do it, but it's an insult to his memory and I'm an a--hole for not talking her out of it," she wrote, adding that her husband's ex was also furious.

"Matt's ex-wife heard and said what we're doing is disgusting and that giving Mia his surname devalues the boys' relationship with their dad," she said incredulously. "She got nasty and started saying that my daughter and I need to know our place."

"I've always done my best to be civil with her, but even I lost it and told her that she lost her right to have any input into Matt's decisions when she ditched him for another guy," she admitted. "I accept that is kind of an a--hole move, but don't come for my daughter."

Clarifying that they'd be hyphenating her surname, and not completely changing it, the woman asked Redditers if she was doing the wrong thing by letting her daughter make such a big decision.

Reddit users agreed that her extended family overreacted - and ultimately, it's up to her and her daughter to do what they feel comfortable with.

"Everyone who matters is on board with the name amendment," one user pointed out. "All due respect to your previous partner's parents, but Mia keeping his name solely will not bring him back. He lives on through her living on and being happy. That is his legacy."

"Your daughter wants to feel a more complete member of her family unit," agreed another. "I think it's beautiful and should be celebrated."