Reality star opens up about mum guilt and spending too much time on her phone: 'I constantly feel ashamed'

Picture: Instagram
Picture: Instagram 

Few mums would be proud to admit the amount of time they spend on their phone around their kids.

From organising schedules, booking appointments, checking in on friends and replying to emails, at times it can feel our whole lives are in our pocket.

But for one mum, the break in focus it takes from her daughter Ruth, 22 months and six month old son Franklin is causing her major mum guilt.

Bekah Martinez, of The Bachelor (US) fame, shared a heartfelt mini essay on her Instagram on the pressures of trying to be everything to everyone.

Saying that a friend had asked her how she balanced work - she has her own clothing line, and kids - her default response was "you just figure out time management and it all works out".

Her real answer, however, was that she didn't have any balance.


A post shared by bekah martinez (@bekah)

"I constantly feel ashamed about the amount of time I spend on my phone around my babies. Every week when that stupid screen time report pops up, I wince. Sometimes I think about quitting it all and moving into some random forest without wifi," she writes.

"I'm unbelievably grateful for what I do, and it gives me so much purpose and joy, but I also feel SO guilty for the time it takes me away from Ruth and Franklin. Instead of balance, it feels like a battle between two sides that both need me."


The mum also shared how she was struggling to give up parts of herself in order to feel she was enough for them.

"I also feel like it's partially a result of social conditioning to have to be everything for our children. We're expected to sacrifice our desires, our dreams, and our needs," she said.

"Even though my heart knows that's not right, my head still feeds me the lie that I'm not a good enough mom if I don't give all of myself."

The post struck a chord with her followers, many of whom shared their own struggles.

Former Bachelorette (US) Ali Manno said "I relate to this on so many levels," while Married at First Sight's Jamie Otis Hehner said: "I could have said any of this better myself - you speak so eloquently, Bekah."

​Others said they too felt split in two. 

"I so badly want to feel accomplished in a career. I also want to be present for the kids. Subsequently I give everything 50 per cent and I'm super successful at neither one. The struggle is real. And no, dad does not feel this struggle or guilt," said one.

"All good mamas feel the same. There will never be enough time to be ALL the things we want to be. Doing our best is all we can do. At 62, mom to nine and grandma to eight I still feel guilty all the time," shared another.

While another suggested Martinez shift her perspective from a work/life balance to viewing it all as life and taking it one hour at a time.