Smacks of barbarism: The days of parents smacking their children may be long gone or even against the law.
"A major church has backed the right of mums and dads to smack their children", read an article in yesterday's Sun Herald.
The Presbyterian church is worried that parents could be stopped from smacking their kids under Victoria's human rights charter, which is currently under review.
Now, reading that a church was on the side opposing a ban on smacking surprised me, as I would have expected them to support any action that attempts to reduce child harm. However, not so surprising was the attitude I found while reading online comments to the article, with almost all respondents passionately in favour of smacking and equally disdainful of those who are not. The opinion that children today are a bunch of mollycoddled ratbags was pretty prevalent, with much of the blame laid squarely at overindulging parents who don’t smack. So, as one of those overindulgent parents who doesn't smack, it lead me to ponder a few questions:
1. Why are so many people these days (particularly online) so angry?
(Ok, this is probably another discussion entirely. But it does need to be asked.) And,
2. Why do we as a nation fight so hard for the right to smack our kids?
Is it because we see them as our property, with no-one having the right to tell us what we can and can’t do with them? Is it because we are worried we will become overly litigious, where parents who give their kids a quick smack find themselves arrested or sued? Do we as Aussie’s just not like being told what to do by people in authority? Or is it really because we believe smacking is a necessary parenting tool we can’t bear to lose?
Because, for those who believe the latter, I would have to ask them how effective they really find it is.
You see as far as I can tell, corporal punishment as a deterrent hasn't proven to be all that successful. It certainly hasn't had much of an impact on the murder rate in the USA, where the punishment in many states in death. And it definitely doesn't seem to be working for those in our juvenile justice system, who would all likely share stories of wallopings they've received from their parents. Many of those against regular smacking will argue that it causes far more behavioural problems than it solves.
In fact, a recent study found that parents who smacked their children could be depriving them of the skills they needed to cope with school and even with adulthood.
Of course I’m not talking about the occasion tap on the bum that many a parent has resorted to in a moment of panic, frustration, anger or desperation. No one is perfect and chastising or punishing good parents for a moment of weakness doesn't achieve anything. But if smacking was banned and we knew we had to better control our frustrations in those moments, the vast majority of parents probably would. And in turn it would remove any grey area for those whose idea of ‘reasonable physical discipline’ would make most of us shudder.
Those who are pro smacking will argue that their generation were routinely smacked as children and it did them no harm. My response to that would be a) those who ‘turned out ok’ probably did so despite the smacking, not because of it. And b) Refer to question 1.
Look, I was smacked as a child and I’d like to think I turned out ok. But I was also left in the car with my siblings while my mum went shopping and played in the blazing sun for hours without a hat on. As an infant my husband was put in an unsecured basket while riding in the car and remembers his teachers smoking at school. My point is, when we know better we do better. So maybe it’s time we take a stand on this and agree there are better ways of teaching and disciplining our kids than physical punishment?
I just don’t see how, when it is not acceptable for us to hit any other member of society, we should we be able to hit the smallest and most vulnerable amongst us? And isn’t it completely hypocritical for us to do to them exactly what we teach them not to do to others? Finally, I don’t think smacking teaches them anything. Perhaps it achieves it’s objective in the short term, by controlling them through fear. But in the long run, fear doesn't inspire a child to do the right thing - it only inspires them not to get caught.
It is undoubtedly a contentious subject and one that people have strong opinions on. My own husband disagrees with me on it being banned as, even though he doesn't believe in smacking our children, he feels it should be an individual choice.
So let's have a discussion and see if we can debate the points without it getting too heated. I'm keen to hear everyone’s thoughts on the matter, so over to you....*she writes nervously*
Should parents be allowed to smack? Comment on Amity's Blog.
Amity Dry is a writer, composer, singer and mum of two. She blogs for Essential Baby and is the writer and composer of ‘Mother, Wife and the Complicated Life,’ a musical that takes a raw and honest look at marriage and motherhood. Follow Amity on Twitter.
