Are your kids embarrassed by you?

Kylie Orr

Being embarrassed by your parents is a rite of passage for all teenagers. And being a parent, it is predictable that at some point, our children will be mortified by our very existence.

Confident in the knowledge I had a solid ten years of mum-spit, loud singing in the car, and "funky" dance moves up my dressing gown sleeve before I saw the looks of horror on my children’s faces, I am now receiving a reality check of the highest order. I failed to anticipate the possibility of early initiation as my eldest is only six but the message is clear: you are embarrassing.

Public displays of affection went out the window when he was at kinder. He offered me the top of his head to kiss as an ”if you must” form of goodbye - more for my apparent benefit than his. None of this skipping, waving and loud “I love you mum” as he disappeared off to hide amongst the puzzles.

A couple of years down the track, he has progressed to walking five paces ahead of me at school, barely grunting goodbye and offering not one iota of excitement to see me at the end of the day. We have recently graduated to the gate drop where I am not even required to exit the car. I’m waiting for the day he asks me to park around the corner to guarantee nobody sees him, or more specifically, sees me. I’ve successfully resisted the overwhelming temptation to roll down the window and shout, “Did you put clean undies on today? I hope you checked for skid marks!”

Before I had children, I admit to daydreaming about being an embarrassing mum, on purpose. One that dropped the kids off at school in her dressing gown, with rollers in her hair and a fag (as in the cigarette variety) hanging out her mouth. Given I don’t own rollers and have never smoked, it was a nonsensical image but amusing all the same. Lois from Malcolm in the Middle was my idol. I found her hilarious and could easily imagine myself as that kind of mum. Until I had children: real people, with real feelings.

What I didn’t anticipate in my daydreams was that being the standard mum, dressed normally, fag- and roller-free, I've still managed to embarrass the pants off my son. With such a low embarrassment threshold, a mere public hello can send his cheeks beetroot.

I know of parents who revel in the joys of making their kids blush. They see it as a way of toughening them up and teaching them some valuable life lessons – don’t worry about what other people think! Although I agree with the sentiment, I don’t find public humiliation amusing, especially where my children are concerned.

Where to from here? Do I assume it is a phase? A personality quirk? Would I be better to show them what embarrassing really is so they can swallow a dose of perspective? Maybe if I was Lois, but I have found that her style is not really my style.

At a time when fitting in with peers, gaining approval and building social confidence are paramount, I see my job as a supportive rather than a starring role. Going out of my way to embarrass my children seems counter productive rather than character building.

All I can hope for is that they get all their embarrassment out of the way before the teenage years hit, and if they don’t, at least I will be well-equipped to deal with it.

Are your kids embarrassed by you? How do you overcome that? Do you just ignore it and do the chicken dance in the middle of the school ground? Or do you make yourself scarce? 

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