Explaining tragedy to children

Essential Baby blogger Amity Dry

What a horrible, heartbreaking last week it has been. I have spent most of it in front of the TV, unable to comprehend the full impact of what was unfolding as the Victorian bushfires became the worst disaster our country as ever seen.

It is gut wrenching to watch the interviews with those who have lost friends and family members, to see images of the fires ripping their worlds apart, to image the terror they felt in those moments. And through it all my 2 year old has watched alongside me. At first fussing and asking why he couldn't watch the Wiggles and then, seeing the tears in mummy's eyes, seeming to understand that this wasn't a regular occasion and that there wouldn't be any Wiggles on today.

Normally I wouldn't have anything violent or distressing on TV while my son was awake. But at times like this it feels wrong to look away, as though you are betraying the victims by continuing life as normal. Besides, the coverage has been everywhere and children take in way more than we realise so will inadvertently start asking questions about what is going on. But how do you answer them? Jamison is nearly 3 and constantly amazes me with what he does understand, so I didn't want to give him a flippant answer but the truth is just way too much for him to comprehend. It is way too much for me to comprehend.

So we talked about the fires and I told him that they had burned down a lot of family's homes and that some children had lost all their clothes and toys. Then we went through his clothes and toys and sorted through the things he no longer wears or plays with and we took them to our local bushfire appeal collection together.

When I got there I was incredibly touched by what we found. Bags and bags and bags of goods stretched out before us, hundreds of volunteers putting clothes into piles and toys into boxes. And, as we all know, scenes like this have been witnessed all over the country. Children giving away their toys, schools encouraging students to bring in tubes of toothpaste and rolls of toilet paper, community groups holding fundraising events and companies making huge donations in tough economic times. It truly is in moments such as these that we find our humanity and it is just a shame that it takes such a tragedy to remind us of the spirit we should live with all the time.

As we left the collection hall that day Jamison cried as he realised we were leaving his toys there and that it wasn't just a game we were playing. By the time we got home he had completely forgotten those toys and I'll be surprised if he ever gives them a single thought again.

Listening to talk back radio over the last week I heard many parents ring in with similar stories, telling of their pride at their own children's insistence on giving away their possessions. Parents even spoke of suddenly bonding with difficult teenagers over a desire to do something, anything, to feel like they were helping in a small way.

I wrote recently about how indulgent we've become with our kids and in times like this you realise just how worthless all of those things really are. Tragedies such as these bring home the stark reality that just to have children who are healthy and safe is a blessing beyond compare and all the shiny toys and designer clothes in the world mean nothing.

I don't know about you, but this week I have been holding my son just a little bit tighter and getting frustrated with him a whole lot less, for we truly are the lucky ones.

How have you explained the bushfires to your children? Have you let them watch the news or shielded them from it? And have you done something together as a family to give to the disaster relief and found that your children learned a lesson from it?

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